Being Calm Is Not Something I Rate.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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But of course something I do rate are puns.

Here’s some more.

Enjoy or endure!!!

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rofl

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Polce Toay Announce They Are

Nvestgatng A Strng Of ID Thefts.

ID Thefts

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I hate washing up liquid.

Washing up solids is much simpler.

washing up liquid

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My girlfriend is leaving me because I’ve got alopecia.

oh well it’s hair loss.

alopecia

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Cryptographers make terrible drummers.

They just sit there, fascinated by all the cymbals.

drummer

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My new job as a taxidermist is pretty boring.

All I do is sit around and stuff.

taxidermist

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My son is cold and calculating

I’ve turned the heating off whilst

he does his maths homework.

homework

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Got an insurance quote today for my car.

They offered me a fire-and-theft policy.

I thought, “Who’d nick a car that was on fire?”

"Why's your fire-and-theft policy so cheap?"

.

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“When might we take the kids to Disneyland?”

the wife asked me a few weeks ago.

I thought about it, and replied, “May.”

It’s been a blast watching her pack,

and the kids getting excited.

All I did was correct her grammar.

Disneyland

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A man walked over to a kid playing with a

huge lizard and asked if he could see it.

After fiddling around with it for a few moments,

he asked what its name was.

The kid replied with, “Tiny.”

“How on Earth did you ever get a name like that

for such a huge creature?” the man asked in awe.

The kid replied with, “Because he’s my newt!”

newt

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My wife is a mute.

She communicates by embroidery.

It’s her own version of sign language,

sew to speak.

embroidery

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I can’t believe they fired me from the clock factory

after all the extra hours I put in.

clock factory

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I heard vandals have broken into

an origami exhibition

and ruined all the exhibits.

Police are trying to work out

how it all unfolded.

origami

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My gym instructor pointed at fifteen heavy dumbbells

and told me I had to lift them all

over the next quarter of an hour.

Weight a minute…

fifteen heavy dumbbells

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What do you call seafood in a cement mixer?

Hardcore prawn.

cement mixer

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News just in:

Stevie Nicks has announced her

engagement to William Shatner.

When they get married she will

be known as Stevie Shatner Nicks.

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4 thoughts on “Being Calm Is Not Something I Rate.

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