I Really Can’t Stand Sitting Down.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I bet you can’t stand sitting down either. It’s not easy.

But what is easy is having a look at some more puns.

So here you are.

Enjoy or endure!

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I just bought a Monopoly set which had no instructions.

What are the chances?

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Sony. Panasonic, Technics, Bang Olufsen, Teac.

They’re just stereotypes.

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A contestant accused me of being an unfair quiz host.

Point taken.

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I was walking down the street.

This guy waved to me, then came up to me and said,

“I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

I said, “I am.”

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Bilbo Baggins has died.

I read it in the hobbituary column.

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Two mountaineers reach a huge, deep fissure in a glacier.

“Careful here,” says one of them.

“My mountain guide fell down there last year.”

“I bet you feel bad about that,” says the other.

“Not really, it was pretty old and missing a few pages.”

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My friend just finished watching Kill Bill, volume 1;

He said he couldn’t hear it very well, though.

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I was reading this book on the anatomy of a pig.

It was pretty standard, but I got to the end

and found there to be a twist in the tale.

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I’ve been out of work for a while but have just got

a job at a factory making periscopes.

Things are looking up.

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Our Marriage Guidance Counsellor said my wife and I

needed to talk about the elephant in the room.

I turned to my wife and said

”see, even she thinks you’re fat”

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It took me ages to change all my clocks.

There’s an hour of my life I’ll never get back!

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I’ve decided to have a party in my vegetable garden tonight.

Lettuce turnip the beet.

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I haven’t used my eBook reader for a while.

Maybe it’s time to rekindle our relationship.

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How does the barber cut the moon’s hair?

Eclipse it.

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And speaking of hair, The Beatles’ song,

“Love Me Do” was written by John Lennon

after he’d had a really good haircut.

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