May Day, May Day? Nope, Just Pun Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Mayday? No emergency here, unless you are allergic to bad jokes.

Coz it’s Pun Day again!

Enjoy or endure.

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rofl

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I’m in dispute with my TV program supplier

as they’re trying to charge me for my satellite dish.

I’m sure they told me it would be on the house.  

satellite dish on the house

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My favourite pick up line…

‘Pick that up’        

Pick that up

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Breaking News:

“UN-Staffed office bombed”

Phew, just as well there was no-one there then.      

empty-office

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Today, I saw a sign at a picture framing shop that said,

“Shoot the family, hang the kids, frame the wife.”

Don’t photographers have a dark sense of humour?

picture framing shop

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My New Year’s resolution is to save

enough money to buy a Velcro wall.

And I plan on sticking to it. 

Velcro wall

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God is talking to one of his angels. He says,

“Boy, I just created a 24-hour period of

alternating light and darkness on Earth.”

“What are you going to do now?” asks the angel.

“Call it a day,” says God.

good-day

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I came downstairs this morning

to see that my curtains were drawn.

All the furniture was real though.

curtains drawn

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I saw a woman stood in her flooded front room crying.

I thought, “If anything, you’re just making it worse.” 

flooded front room crying

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Do you know what really makes me smile?

Facial muscles.

face-muscles

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I hired a private detective to investigate the sudden

death of my Grandad, while in intensive care.

He followed a few leads.

Faulty plug on the life support machine, apparently.

Faulty plug on the life support machine

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My son was up all night answering questions about resistors.

His Physics teacher always sets too much Ohm work.

Ohm work

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Towards the end of the Jurassic period,

the Thesaurus was the first dinosaur to become

extinct, obsolete, belated, vanished and wiped out.

thesaurus_t-shirt

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Body-snatching.

It’s not the winning,

it’s the taking parts that counts.

Body-snatching

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This makes no sense – yesterday my calculator

was working fine, today it isn’t working at all.

It just doesn’t add up.

calculator

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When I was a boy, my friends said

quoting songs would get me nowhere.

Well, Against All Odds, Take A Look At Me Now.

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