Just Been On Holiday In The South Of France….. It Was Nice!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A nice holiday in Nice, how nice.

Yes, pun day again folks.

Strap yourselves in and…..

Enjoy or endure!

. rofl

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Working as a cake waiter at a wedding,

I saw the most beautiful girl from across the room.

I immediately took a fancy to her.

fancy

.

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What berries do fat people enjoy the most?

Cadburys!

Cadburys-Dairy-Milk

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Guess what is in the middle of nowhere…

‘h’

 

nowhere

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I got bullied as a child for having glasses.

Every other kid in the neighborhood could only afford paper cups.

disposable-paper-cups-glasses

.

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A female police officer used a taser gun on me yesterday.

She was stunning.

taser

.

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Two hours ago I told my kid to shut his mouth and eat his supper.

The poor boy is still sitting at the table trying to figure out how to do it.

cartoon kid mouth shut

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I was supposed to go for a job interview

as a camouflage expert last week.

I didn’t turn up, and I got the job!

camouflage expert

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Did you hear the one about the depressed frog?

He wanted to kermit suicide.

kermit

.

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I caught my wife with another man last night.

Don’t worry though, it’s a trapeze act.

trapeze act

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I accidently left an apple outside my local Doctor’s surgery.

Now I’m worried he won’t be able to get in.

an apple a day keeps the doctor away

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I’m considering becoming a mind reader.

What are your thoughts?

mind reader

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I’ve just invented a machine that can immediately

tell you what condition a painting is in.

It’s state-of-the-art technology.

state of the art

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When you type

“Missing medieval servant”  

into Google it comes up with

“Page not found”

Page

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A man walked into a bar and ordered half a coke.

The barman said “OK”.

half a coke

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I went into the music store earlier and asked the guy

behind the counter if they had anything by Run DMC.

“Walk this way,” he replied.

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