What You Seize Is What You Get.

Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And what you get today is more word play, otherwise known as puns.

Enjoy or endure!

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It was a big mistake I made, when I dared to be different.

I’ve never been the same since.

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My girlfriend and I write all our love letters in pencil.

We have a no-pen relationship.

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I could demonstrate to you how easily my new

drill goes through human flesh and bone…

But I don’t want to bore you.

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You have to question the modus operandi of

people who use Latin for no reason.

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When my friend’s enormous wife was rushed to A&E with

chest pains the doctor examined her

and said she needed a bypass.

He asked,

“Isn’t that a bit extreme, doctor?”

The Doc replied,

“Maybe, but she’s blocking other patients from getting into the hospital.”

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My plan to make money by using discarded feathers

to make soft furnishings has ended in disaster.

I can’t fill anything from the waste down

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A worker has fallen in to a large vat of melted butter at a dairy factory.

His condition has yet to be clarified.

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What do you call it when a bunch of women

dress up in saris before a wedding?

A hendu.

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A man applied for a job as a gynecologist the other day.

Unfortunately he was not qualified so he didn’t get a look in.

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Can anyone recommend something

I can use in loo of toilet paper?

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I just started my new job at a leaf disposal company.

I’ve been raking it in.

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I had to send in a duplicate application to get a job making retro cars at Citroen.

They needed 2 CVs.

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I’ve just watched a video of lions being fed at Copenhagen Zoo.

It was very giraffic.

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I once met a really stupid bloke on a Greek island.

He was a Cretan.

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If I could take Abba out to lunch

I would, my friend, for Nandos.

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