You Know What They Used To Say In The Middle Ages, “Resistance Is Feudal”

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Happily we don’t live in the middle ages, so now resistance is futile.

If you haven’t guessed already….

It’s pun day!

Enjoy.

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rofl

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I’m in a band called Atom

We’ll never split.

Stylised_Lithium_Atom

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I’ve been drawing bar graphs, pie charts

and venn diagrams all over walls in town.

I’m a graphitti artist.

bar graphs, pie charts and venn diagrams

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We were going for a picnic today and my husband

asked me to get some ice and a cooler bag.

I thought, “That’s a bit harsh,

there’s nothing wrong with my current bag”.

cooler_bag_full

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Can someone give me a definition of homosexuality,

in lay-men’s terms?

gay_closet

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On the investment front I’m worried that my shares in a

major cordial company are going to be diluted.

raspberry-cordial

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Don’t trust people who avoid the sun.

They’re shady.

shady people

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Signing up to a mailing list has done nothing to

quell my addiction for German poetry.

I’m getting verse by the day.

German poetry

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According to a survey,

seven out of ten people use the double negative.

I ain’t never heard such nonsense in my life.

do not put nothing here

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The horse came galloping towards me,

the sun glistening off the rider’s armour, helmet and lance,

which I realised was aimed at my head.

Man, those knight-vision goggles are really awesome!

knight

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Running a bingo hall is more than just a job.

It’s a calling.

bingo-hall

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Whilst on holiday near lake Geneva

I purchased a large bottle of mineral water

I struggled to carry it though,

it was an evian.

evian bottle

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There are two i’s in narcissist

and they absolutely hate each other.

narcissism-and-preaching

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After a terrible Chinese meal last night, I refused to pay.

Unfortunately the chef heard what I said and pinned me up against the wall,

threatening me with a pan unless I paid up.

Talk about being stuck between a wok and a hard place.

AntCreationsChineseChef

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I saw a man with a bald patch earlier.

I thought, “He’s obviously trying to cut down, or quit being bald”.

bald-spot

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It appears that smoking heroin is

far better for addicts than injecting it,

needleless to say.

druggie cartoon

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A girl from Prague stopped me in town earlier and

asked where the best shop for clothes was.

I said “Check Republic.”

republic store

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What do you call a brittle Scotsman?

A Glasswegian.

Scotsman

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I hate it when people make jokes about Vietnam.

It Hanoi’s me.

Vietnam Map

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Jay-Z? A psychiatrist?

Must be Shrink Rap.

jay-z

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We spent a fortune on electrocution lessons for our son.

Until he learned to speak properly.

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