I See Boomerangs Are Making A Comeback.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s not only boomerangs that are making a comeback  –  so are puns!

And I continue to do my little bit here on the fasab blog to help them.

So read on and enjoy!

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Any time I get something stuck in my throat,

I just dislodge it by drinking a pint of lager.

It’s called the Heineken Maneuver.

pun heineken manoeuver

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I saw a sign on the road while driving today that said,

Survey crew ahead.

I did. They looked okay.

pun survey_crew_ahead_sign

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Me and my friends played a football match against a load of Marines yesterday.

At half time they brought on a Chinese bloke.

I thought to myself, he’s a yellow sub marine.

pun yellow_sub-marine

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Ever since I filled up my Zippo

I haven’t been able to lift it out of my pocket.

I think I need some lighter fluid.

pun zippo

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A girl winked at me across the room in Maths class today;

I think it was a sine…

pun math

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I’m the kinda guy who,

when asked to spell something over the phone,

says ‘G….for gnome’ just to throw them.

pun gnome-04

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My friend once decided to stick an arrow in the ground.

I couldn’t see the point.

pun arrow

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Whenever I write a letter to someone,

I add a footnote briefly explaining Ohm’s law.

It’s my P.S. de resistance.

pun Ohm's Law

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I’ve started dating Little Red Riding Hood’s gran.

She’s an animal in bed.

pun little-red-riding-hood-3

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I’m just a farmer’s laborer,

but when girls ask what I do,

I find ‘Farm assist’ sounds better.

pun farm assist

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I told a girl she drew her eyebrows on too high.

She looked pretty surprised.

pun girl looking surprised

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I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other,

or is that just bollocks?

pun touching boobs

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I was arguing with my girlfriend in Pizza Hut the other day

when my best friend came over, grabbed the garlic bread

and coleslaw from our table and ran off.

I wish he would stop taking sides.

pun pizza hut

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I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up call.

Next morning, she rang and said,

“what are you doing with your life?”

pun robert-mankoff-this-is-your-wake-up-call-change-or-die-new-yorker-cartoon

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I used to be really good at reading braille.

But I lost my touch.

pun  reading braille

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Just got myself a new Czech girlfriend,

but it’s taken her 5 days to hoover the house.

Turns out she’s a Slovak.

pun slovakia

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My local gas station had a letter stolen from its sign last night.

Not to worry though, the company’s sending out an Esso S.

pun esso

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The day that Microsoft creates a product that doesn’t suck

is the day that they venture into the vacuum cleaner industry.

pun The-only-Microsoft-product-that-doesnt-suck-Microsoft-Vacuum-Cleaner

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When a bomb passes its sell by date, does it go off?

pun dynamite-bundle-md

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If Russia invaded Turkey from the rear,

would Greece help?

pun turkey

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