Clones Are People Two.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Great news today!

The September puns start here.

I know you will, but I’ll say it anyway.

Enjoy!

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My son broke his Apple computer today and

had the audacity to ask me to buy him a new one.

I just told him, “Apples don’t grow on trees you know!”

 

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I didn’t hear the sea when I held a Shell up.

I did, however, get six years in jail

for armed robbery of a gas station.

 

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NBC have commissioned my new show about

what goes on inside an airplane cockpit.

We’re filming the pilot next week.

 

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A man walks into a library and says

“I hope you don’t have a book on reverse psychology.”

 

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People used to tell me being blind would

hinder my chances of becoming a comedian.

Who’s laughing now?

 

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My cheating ex-girlfriend was called Tulsa.

Looking back, she was aslut.

 

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My friend recently moved in with his girlfriend

and her massive magazine collection.

But when she refused to part with them he left her.

Apparently she had too many issues.

 

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I’m not worried about the Third World War.

That’s the Third World’s Problem.

 

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I have got a bit of a reputation as a ladies man in my local bar.

All I can say is, they smell so much cleaner than the gents.

 

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Some guy broke into my house last night.

Thankfully the only thing he took was one of my bullets.

 

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My father’s answer to everything was alcohol.

He didn’t drink, he was just bad at quizzes.

 

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I recently went on a holiday to a place called Romania.

It was useless; no one was even rowing.

 

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A guy I know has invented a new hobby

called “blindfold plane watching”.

Can’t see it taking off.

 

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I was watching a DVD on my laptop when I thought,

“Maybe it would be better if I put it in.”

 

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My wife told me she was absolutely fed up with the world.

“Why?” I asked

“Arrogant people like you!” she screamed back.

I said “Yeah they do, don’t they?”

 

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Someone has been pretending to be Mr T by using a similar name,

but no-one knows his real identity.

It’s a Mr E.

 

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I’m reading a book about the Titanic at the moment,

and the experts speculate that the designer of the Titanic had a lisp.

That’s unthinkable!

 

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I went to the shop and said, “I need a battery so I can tell the time.”

The man said, “Is it for a clock?”

I said, “How do I know, that’s why I asked you for a battery.”

 

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I won $2 million on the lottery this weekend

so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

Now I have $ 1,999,999.75.

 

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I’ll leave you with a word of warning.

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