Just Thought Of A Great Owl Joke, But I Can’t Use It Until 2/8/20.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Yes, once again the clue was in the title, pun day.

Contrary to rumors on the internet puns have not been cancelled. Resistance is futile. 

So brace yourselves or whatever it is that you usually do.

But enjoy!

.

.

I complained to the furniture store after a sofa I ordered

was dumped in the stairwell of my apartment block.

They said I need to take it up with the delivery man.

furniture-delivery

.

.

My friend Max hates going up steep hills.

He’s always been a bit of an anti-climb Max.

steep hill

.

.

What idiot invented fire blankets?

You’d think fire was hot enough…

fire blanket

.

.

I was stood at a barberque the other day,

Yep, 30 minutes I waited for a haircut.

barbercue

.

.

George made himself a girlfriend out of plastic food wrap.

He said she was a bit clingy.

clingy

.

.

I’ll tell you a couple of things that make me jump.

My legs.

jump

.

.

A neighbor was molested by his priest when he was a kid,

It’s quite a touching story.

Abusing Priests

.

.

I’ve just been banned from an online fashion forum.

Apparently my threads weren’t cool enough.

phillip-lim-ss-2012

.

.

The best thing about being single is sleeping around.

You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours:

left, right, middle, whatever.

cartoon-bed-6

.

.

The wife finally finished writing her

book about cooking with herbs.

It’s about thyme.

thyme-rubbed-pork-chops-with-pesto

.

.

I can beat anybody in a fight with only one hand.

It’s the two-handed blokes who beat the crap out of me.

one arm man applauds

.

.

Bono came into my shop today to buy a cake.

I asked him, “What do you want on it?”

He said, “Icing”

I said, “I know that, but what do you want on your cake?”

bono

.

.

Police are searching for a thief who robs his victims

by threatening them with a lit match.

They want to catch him before he strikes again.

cartoon lit match

.

.

My Dad loves The Beatles and has all but one of the

original L.P. records with autographed sleeves.

I think he needs Help.

The Beatles Help Album

.

.

There are many advantages of visiting Switzerland.

I mean, even the flag itself is a big plus.

swiss-flag

.

.

I was lying in bed and I thought,

“I’ve gotta start telling the truth.”

lying in bed

.

.

I said, “I’ve locked my keys in my car and my children are inside.”

My neighbor said, “Do you have a spare set?”

I said, “Yeah, I’ve got two sons with my ex-wife.”

man-looking-into-car-keys-locked-in-ignition

.

.

For sale.

Modified DeLorean DMC-12.

No timewasters.

bttf-delorean

.

.

I got chatting to a lumberjack in a bar the other day.

He seemed like a decent feller.

lumberjack

.

.

I just bet on three horses called

Sunshine, Moonlight and Good Times,

and none of them won.

I blame it on the bookie.

.


.

===============================

.

9 thoughts on “Just Thought Of A Great Owl Joke, But I Can’t Use It Until 2/8/20.

Comments are welcome. If you would like to make one on this post this is the place to do it.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s