Check This One Out: 1

 “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Once again the clue to today’s post was in the title.

And since you checked the one in the title out why not check the rest of them out too.

Here is the latest selection of puns for you to endure or hopefully, enjoy.

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Tell you what floats my boat.

Water.

my boat

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What do houseflies and Mac users have in common?

Neither of them understand how Windows work.

flies

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Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away…

or is it just one of Granny’s myths?

apple_green_clipart

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I for one…

…but that’s Roman numerals for you.

IV

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I knew a guy who fell into an industrial grinding machine.

He’s fine now.

grinder

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I have no beef with vegetarians.

pig-pork-cartoon

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I slipped on some dog s**t the other day.

It didn’t suit me though.

clean dog

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I hate it how people keep texting me “k”.

I am very rarely in the mood to talk about potassium.

texting

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I bought some biscuits yesterday, on the packet it said,

“Store in a cool place.”

So I mailed them to Samuel L. Jackson’s house.

Samuel_L_Jackson

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When I was a kid people used to cover me

in cream and put a cherry on my head,

it was tough being brought up in the gateau.    

cartoon-gateau

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I bought a CD which was just the sound of water flowing.

I didn’t like it though, it was too main-stream.

water

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A bartender drowned in a tidal wave of tonic water after a case exploded,

he was schwepped away.

schweppes

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There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. 

numerator_and_denominator

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Ten words, two commas, an exclamation mark

and a period all appeared in court yesterday…

They’re due to be sentenced next week.

judge_sentence_detroit

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The other day, an attendant stopped me in a hospital car park to tell me,

“You can’t park here. It’s badge holders only.”

I replied, “But I have got a bad shoulder.”

badge-holders-only-car-park

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Do you think “Gone With The Wind”

started out as just a draft?

gone_with_the_wind_cover

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I was pulled over by the police today.

“How fast do you think you were going, sir?”

“60mph?” I asked.

“Try 135,” the officer replied.

So I shut the door and drove as fast as I could.

police-officer

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The French are concerned that 77% of their electricity comes from nuclear power.

I think they should stop over-reacting.

france_nuclear

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I’m scared of trampolines.

They make me jump.

cartoon-trampoline

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At last I’ve found out the reason that women ask so many questions.

Apparently they have an extra why chromosome.

questions

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