A Few Puzzles for Sunday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Relax everything but your mind as you try this short selection of puzzles.

Not really difficult, but sometimes tricky, let’s see how you do.

Enjoy.

(Answers waaaaaaaayy down below as always, but no cheating!)

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quiz

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What can run but never walks,

Often murmurs, never talks,

Has a mouth but never eats,

Has a bed but never sleeps?

———-

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What goes up

but never comes down?

———-

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I am a solitary word,

Only five letters long.

Behead me once, I am the same.

Behead me again, I am still the same.       

What am I?

———-

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Joe’s mom had four kids:

She named the first three Nickel, Dime, and Quarter

What did she name the fourth?

———-

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A cowboy rode into town on Friday,

stayed three days,

and rode out again on Friday.

How?

———-

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What has an engine and wheels and flies,

but is not an aircraft?

———-

 .

The more there is,

the less you see.

What is it?

———-

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I am not alive, yet I grow;

I have no lungs, yet I need air;

I have no mouth, yet I can drown.

What am I?

———-

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The more you take of me,

the more you leave behind.

What am I?

———-

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The man who made it doesn’t want it.

The man who bought it doesn’t need it.

The man who needs it doesn’t know it.

What is it?

———-

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I am a word

six letters in my name,

but take one away

and twelve remains.

What am I?

———-

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Throw me off the highest building,

and I shall not break,

but toss me in the smallest pool,

and my life’s at stake.

What am I?

———-

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I start going

and end up doing,

I finish everything,

and conclude nothing.

What am I?

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ANSWERS

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What can run but never walks,

Often murmurs, never talks,

Has a mouth but never eats,

Has a bed but never sleeps?

ANSWER:  A River

 .

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What goes up

but never comes down?

ANSWER:  Age

 .

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I am a solitary word,

Only five letters long.

Behead me once, I am the same.

Behead me again, I am still the same.

ANSWER:  Alone

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Joe’s mom had four kids:

She named the first three Nickel, Dime, and Quarter

What did she name the fourth?

ANSWER:  Joe

 .

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A cowboy rode into town on Friday,

stayed three days,

and rode out again on Friday.

How?

ANSWER:  His horse’s name was Friday

 .

 .

What has an engine and wheels and flies,

but is not an aircraft?

ANSWER:  A Garbage Truck

 .

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The more there is,

the less you see.

What is it?

ANSWER:  Darkness

 .

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I am not alive, yet I grow;

I have no lungs, yet I need air;

I have no mouth, yet I can drown.

What am I?

ANSWER:  Fire

 .

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The more you take of me,

the more you leave behind.

What am I?

ANSWER:  Footsteps

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The man who made it doesn’t want it.

The man who bought it doesn’t need it.

The man who needs it doesn’t know it.

What is it?

ANSWER:  A Coffin

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I am a word

six letters in my name,

but take one away

and twelve remains.

What am I?

ANSWER:  Dozens

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Throw me off the highest building,

and I shall not break,

but toss me in the smallest pool,

and my life’s at stake.

What am I?

ANSWER:  A Tissue

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I start going

and end up doing,

I finish everything,

and conclude nothing.

What am I?

ANSWER:  The Letter ‘G’

 =============================

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Fifteen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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You would think that nothing would be easier than to think up a short ad for your business or something you had to sell. I mean, why blow lots of cash on advertising companies?

This could help explain why.

Enjoy.

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classad_classicpoohspreaders.

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classad_classmotto.

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classad_completeswissarmyknife.

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classad_corncribisgone.

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classad_crackfreecheesecake.

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classad_crimebrulee.

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classad_damboringcompany.

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classad_designerhandbags.

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classad_desingerplunger.

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classad_differentbreedofelectrician.

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classad_diningout.

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classad_dontbothercominghome.

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classad_DoveBrothers.

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classad_DrYuHu.

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Significant Number Factoid Friday – Today The Number Is Twenty-Eight 28

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s been a few weeks since we had a numbers factoid. Today we are having a look at the number twenty-eight, so if that’s your lucky number or your date of birth or if you are just interested in numbers and things associated with them then read on.

And enjoy.

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The Number Twenty-Eight 28

 28

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In religion

  • In Hebrew, the first verse of the Bible “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth” (Genesis I.1) has seven words and 28 letters.
  • The length of one curtain shall be eight and twenty cubits. (Exodus, 26.2)
  • The length of one curtain was twenty and eight cubits, and the breadth of one curtain four cubits: the curtains were all of one size. (Exodus, 36.9)
  • In Chapter 28 in Genesis: Isaac blesses Jacob; Jacob’s Ladder; God’s promise; Stone of Bethel:
Artistic impression of Jacob's Ladder
Artistic impression of Jacob’s Ladder

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In mathematics

  • 28 is a composite number, its proper divisors being 1, 2, 4, 7, and 14.
  • Twenty-eight is the second perfect number. As a perfect number, it is related to the Mersenne prime 7, since 22(23 – 1) = 28. The next perfect number is 496, the previous being 6.
  • Twenty-eight is a harmonic divisor number, a happy number, a triangular number, a hexagonal number, and a centered nonagonal number.
  • Twenty-eight is the ninth and last number in early Indian magic square of order 3.
  • There are twenty-eight convex uniform honeycombs.

In science & technology

  • 28 is the atomic mass of silicon and the atomic number of nickel.
  • 28 is the molecular weight of nitrogen, (N2 = 28.02) and the molecular weight of carbon monoxide, (CO = 12 + 16 = 28.01); also interesting in that while carbon monoxide is poisonous, nitrogen is essential to life, yet they have the same molecular weight of 28 daltons.
  • 28 is the fourth magic number in physics.
  • The average human menstrual cycle is 28 days although no link has been established with the nightlighting and the Moon.
  • Skin research has discovered that the epidermis is constantly regenerating itself, and all of its cells are replaced every 28 days.
  • By the age of fourteen most people have 28 permanent teeth; the last four molars, the wisdom teeth, erupt only if the jaw allows space for them.
  • The curing time of concrete is classically considered 28 days.

In space

  • Our universe is 28 billion light years in distance from edge to edge.
  • The revolution time of the surface of the Sun on itself is 28 days while its core is revolving in 33 days.
  • The moon completes 4 phases once it has wandered through the 28 lunar mansions.
  • 28 Bellona is a large main belt asteroid between Mars and Jupiter. Bellona was discovered by R. Luther on March 1, 1854. It is named after Bellona, the Roman goddess of war; the name was chosen to mark the beginning of the Crimean War. Its diameter is 120.9 km, rotation period of 15.7 hours, and orbital period of 4.63 years.
  • The New General Catalogue object NGC 28, an elliptical galaxy in the constellation Phoenix.
  • Messier object M28 is a magnitude 8.5 globular cluster in the constellation Sagittarius.
Messier object m28
Messier object m28

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  • STS-28
  • STS-28 was the 30th NASA Space Shuttle mission, and the fourth dedicated to United States Department of Defense purposes. It was also the eighth flight of Space Shuttle Columbia.
  • The mission launched on 8 August 1989 and traveled 2.1 million miles during 81 orbits of the Earth, before landing on runway 17 of Edwards Air Force Base, California, on 13 August.
  • The mission details of STS-28 are classified, but the payload is widely believed to have been the first SDS-2 communications satellite.
  • The crew consisted of Commander Brewster H. Shaw, Jr., Pilot Richard N. Richards, and three Mission Specialists, James C. Adamson, David C. Leestma and Mark N. Brown.

Sts-28-patch

  • Space Shuttle Challenger
  • One of the worst space related disasters happened on January 28 1986.
  • On that fateful day Space Shuttle Challenger (mission STS-51-L) broke apart 73 seconds into its flight, leading to the deaths of its seven crew members.
  • The spacecraft disintegrated over the Atlantic Ocean, off the coast of central Florida at 11:38 EST (16:38 UTC). Disintegration of the entire vehicle began after an O-ring seal in its right solid rocket booster (SRB) failed at liftoff. The O-ring failure caused a breach in the SRB joint it sealed, allowing pressurized hot gas from within the solid rocket motor to reach the outside and impinge upon the adjacent SRB attachment hardware and external fuel tank. This led to the separation of the right-hand SRBs aft attachment and the structural failure of the external tank. Aerodynamic forces promptly broke up the orbiter.
  • The crew compartment and many other vehicle fragments were eventually recovered from the ocean floor after a lengthy search and recovery operation. Although the exact timing of the death of the crew is unknown, several crew members are known to have survived the initial breakup of the spacecraft. However, the shuttle had no escape system and the impact of the crew compartment with the ocean surface was too violent to be survivable.
  • The disaster resulted in a 32-month hiatus in the shuttle program and the formation of the Rogers Commission, a special commission appointed by United States President Ronald Reagan to investigate the accident. The Rogers Commission found NASA’s organizational culture and decision-making processes had been key contributing factors to the accident. NASA managers had known contractor Morton Thiokol’s design of the SRBs contained a potentially catastrophic flaw in the O-rings since 1977, but failed to address it properly. They also disregarded warnings from engineers about the dangers of launching posed by the low temperatures of that morning and had failed to adequately report these technical concerns to their superiors.
  • What Rogers did not highlight was the fact the vehicle was never certified to operate in temperatures that low.
  • Many viewed the launch live because of the presence of crew member Christa McAuliffe, the first member of the Teacher in Space Project and the (planned) first female teacher in space.
  • The Challenger disaster has been used as a case study in many discussions of engineering safety and workplace ethics.


In politics

  • 28th President of the United States is Woodrow Wilson (1856-1924), who served (1913-1921). Wilson was President of Princeton University (1902-1910), where he graduated (1879) and taught as Professor of Jurisprudence & Political Economy (1890-1902). Wilson won the 1919 Peace Nobel Prize.
President Woodrow Wilson portrait December 2 1912
President Woodrow Wilson portrait December 2 1912

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  • 28th State to enter the Union is Texas (December 29, 1845)

texas

In sport

  • The jersey number 28 has been retired by several North American sports teams in honor of past playing greats or other key figures:
  • In Major League Baseball: the Minnesota Twins, for Hall of Famer Bert Blyleven.

bert blyleven

  • In the NFL: the Chicago Bears, for Willie Galimore; the Kansas City Chiefs, for Abner Haynes; the New York Jets, for Hall of Famer Curtis Martin; the St. Louis Rams, for Hall of Famer Marshall Faulk.

marshall faulk

  • Car number twenty-eight was formerly run in the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series by Yates Racing. The most notable driver was Davey Allison, who had the ride for his entire Cup Series career.

car 28

  • Baseball’s 28th All-Star Game was played at Municipal Stadium, Kansas City, Missouri, on July 11, 1960.
  • In the British game of cricket, the wicket is made of three wooden stakes each 28 inches high stuck into the ground.
  • The widely used 6-6 domino set contains 28 pieces. 

In books, music and movies

  • In Quebec, Canada, François Pérusse, made a parody of Wheel of Fortune in which all of the letters picked by the contestant were present 28 times. As a result, 28 became an almost Mythical number used by many Quebec youths, the phrase “Y’en a 28” (There are 28 [Letters]) became a running gag still used and recognized more than 15 years later.
  • The Preludes, Opus 28 consists of Frédéric Chopin’s 24 preludes for piano, ordinarily but not necessarily played together in concert.
  • 28 Days (2000) is a 104-minute movie directed by Betty Thomas and starring Sandra Bullock, Viggo Nortensen, Dominic West, Diane Ladd. A big-city newspaper columnist is forced to enter a drug and alcohol rehab center after ruining her sister’s wedding and crashing a stolen limousine.
  • 28 Days Later (2002). Four weeks after a mysterious, incurable virus spreads throughout the UK, a handful of survivors try to find sanctuary.
  • 28 Weeks Later (2007). Six months after the rage virus was inflicted on the population of Great Britain, the US Army helps to secure a small area of London for the survivors to repopulate and start again. But not everything goes to plan.  
  • 28 Hotel Rooms (2012). A novelist and an accountant meet while they are traveling for work, and though they both are in relationships, their one-night stand could become something more.

28 Hotel Rooms

In militaria, shipping and aviation

  • T-28 Trojan
  • T-28 Trojan is a training military aircraft. In 1948 the U.S. Air Force originally acquired the T-28A as a trainer to replace the venerable AT-6. The T-28B and T-28C were acquired by the U.S. Navy and included a tailhook for carrier landing training. T-28 was shown on Card #15 of Topps Wings: Friend or Foe (1952).

 T-28B_VT-2_over_NAS_Whiting_Field_c1973

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  • Miles M.28 Mercury
  • The Miles M.28 Mercury was a British aircraft designed for either training or communications during the Second World War. It was a single-engine, monoplane of wooden construction with a twin tail and a tailwheel undercarriage with retractable main units.
  • Originally, the M.28 had been planned as a replacement for the Whitney Straight and Monarch, but this was shelved when war broke out.
  • In 1941, the project was revived in response to a requirement for a training and communications aircraft. The design was produced as a private venture by Ray Bournon using Miles’ normal wooden construction. The resulting machine introduced several features not found on trainers ncluding retractable undercarriage and trailing edge flaps. In the communications role, the M.28 had four seats and a range of 500 miles (800 km).
  • Owing to Miles’ heavy commitment to war-production, however, only six aircraft were built, of slightly varying specifications, the last being the Mercury 6 which first flew in early 1946.  Examples were operated in the United Kingdom, Germany, Switzerland and Australia.

Miles_M.28_Mercury .

  • XB-28
  • The North American XB-28 (NA-63) was an aircraft proposed by the North American Aviation to fill a strong need in the United States Army Air Corps for a high-altitude medium bomber. It never entered into full production, with only two aircraft having been built.

North_American_XB-28

  • MiG-28
  • The MiG-28 is a fictional aircraft that has appeared in several different unrelated works. These fictional aircraft have been independently created and the aircraft share nothing but a name.
  • The first instance of a “MiG-28” was in the 1978 Quiller novel The Sinkiang Executive written by Adam Hall. Referred to in the work as the MiG-28D, it was an aircraft that resembled a somewhat modified MiG-25, but with sharper air intakes and swept wings.
  • In the 1986 film Top Gun, Lt. Pete “Maverick” Mitchell (Tom Cruise) squared off against MiG-28s of unspecified nationality. These were actually US Northrop F-5s, which at the time were being used as aggressor aircraft for dissimilar air combat training at the real TOPGUN seminar (now known as the United States Navy Fighter Weapons School). The F-5s “acting” as MiG-28s were painted flat black to indicate their villainous status, and retained those paint jobs after production closed. The paint also increased the aircraft’s visibility, a plus for filmmaking.
  • Another MiG-28 is “seen” in the 1988 ABC television series Supercarrier. This MiG-28 was a fictional Soviet stealth fighter. An F-16 fighter in Soviet-style markings was used to “simulate” the Soviet fighter.
Top Gun pretendy MiG-28
Top Gun pretendy MiG-28

  • Fokker F-28 Fellowship
  • The Fokker F28 Fellowship is a short range jet airliner designed developed in Holland (1964) and assembled by defunct Dutch aircraft manufacturer Fokker. The Fokker F-28 Fellowship jet was to complement Fokker’s highly successful F-27 turboprop.
  • Announced by Fokker in April 1962, production was a collaboration between a number of European companies, namely Fokker, MBB of West Germany, Fokker-VFW (also of Germany), and Short Brothers of Northern Ireland. There was also government money invested in the project, with the Dutch government providing 50% of Fokker’s stake and the West German government having 60% of the 35% German stake.
  • In total 241 Fokker F-28s were sold, including 160 in commercial service and 10 used as corporate jets.
  • The Fokker F-28 shown on a 40¡ Nauru stamp. Postage stamps with Fokker airplanes

Fokker_F-28-Fellowship

  • Enstrom F-28
  • The Enstrom F-28 and 280 are a family of small, light piston-engined helicopters produced by the Enstrom Helicopter Corporation.[1]
  • Since delivering their first helicopter shortly after Federal Aviation Administration type certification of the F-28 model in April 1965, Enstrom helicopter has produced (as of 2007) approx 1,200 aircraft.[2]
  • The company produces three models, the F-28, the more aerodynamic 280 and the turbine-engined 480, each with their own variants. The F-28 and 280 both use Lycoming piston engines virtually identical to those found in general aviation fixed-wing aircraft

Enstrom_280FX_Shark_helicopter. 

  • T-28 Tank
  • The Soviet T-28 multi-turret medium battle tank was among the world’s first medium tanks and became a symbol of the Red Army as was its heavier “brother” the T-35. Its silhouette is well known from pre-war newsreel about Soviet military parades in Moscow’s Red Square.
  • 41 T-28 tanks were built in 1933 with hightest production of 131 in 1939. In the summer of 1941, the design of the T-28 became obsolete due to the drawbacks of multi-turret vehicles. The T-28 could hit any German tank from long distances.

T28_parola_1 .

  • The B28
  • The B28, originally Mark 28, was a thermonuclear bomb carried by U.S. tactical fighter bombers and bomber aircraft. From 1962 to 1972 under the NATO nuclear weapons sharing program, American B28s also equipped six Europe-based Canadian CF-104 squadrons known as the RCAF Nuclear Strike Force. It was also supplied for delivery by UK-based Royal Air Force Valiant and Canberra aircraft assigned to NATO under the command of SACEUR. Also USN carrier based attack aircraft such as the A3D Skywarrior and the A4D Skyhawk were equipped with the MK 28.

Mk_28_F1_Thermonuclear_Bomb .

  • HMS Kandahar (F28)
  • HMS Kandahar (F28) was a K-class destroyer of the Royal Navy, named after the Afghan city of Kandahar.
  • Kandahar was launched on 21 March 1939, and on 21 February 1941, in company with HMS Kimberley and HMS Manchester, she captured the German blockade runner SS Wahehe off Iceland. On 19 December 1941, she was part of British Force K, tasked to intercept an Italian convoy bound for Tripoli when she was irreparably damaged by a newly laid Italian mine whilst attempting to rescue the stricken HMS Neptune. She was scuttled the next day by Jaguar. 73 men went down with the ship.

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  • HMS Cleopatra (F28)
  • HMS Cleopatra (F28) was a Leander-class frigate of the Royal Navy, built at HMNB Devonport. She was launched on 25 March 1964 and commissioned on 4 January 1966.
  • Upon Cleopatra’s commissioning, she joined the 2nd Destroyer Squadron, Far East Fleet and then participated in the Beira Patrol, which was designed to prevent oil reaching the landlocked Rhodesia via the then Portuguese colony of Mozambique (Lorenzo Marques).
  • In 1969, Cleopatra was present at the Evans-Melbourne collision.
  • In 1972, Cleopatra took part in escort duties during the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh’s South East Asia tour.
  • In 1973, Cleopatra was dispatched to protect British trawlers against the Icelandic Coast Guard in the Second Cod War.
  • Afterwards, Cleopatra began her modernisation, becoming the first Batch Two Leander to do so, which included the removal of her one twin 4.5-in gun to allow the addition of the Exocet anti-ship missile system.
  • On 31 January 1992, Cleopatra was decommissioned. The following year, Cleopatra was sold for scrap.

HMS_Cleopatra_(F28) .

  • Mosin–Nagant M/28
  • The Mosin–Nagant is a bolt-action, internal magazine-fed, military rifle created under the government commission by Russian inventors, and used by the armed forces of the Russian Empire, the Soviet Union and various other nations.
  • It has gone through many variations, the M/28 designed by the White Guard. The M/28 differs from the Army’s M/27 primarily in the barrel band design, which is a single piece compared to the M/27’s hinged band, and an improved trigger design. Barrels for the M/28 were initially purchased from SIG, and later from Tikkakoski and SAKO.
  • The M/28-30 is an upgraded version of the M/28. The most noticeable modification is a new rear sight design.

Mosin_Nagant_series_of_rifles.

  • Smith & Wesson (S & W) Model 28
  • The most famous handgun with the 28 designation is the Smith & Wesson (S & W) Model 28, also known as the Highway Patrolman. It is an N-frame revolver chambered for the .357 Magnum cartridge, in production from 1954 to 1986. It is a budget version of the S&W Model 27.

Smith_Wesson_M27_-_M28_Highway_Patrolman

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Other stuff

  • The Roman numeral for 28 is XXVIII.
  • The Arab alphabet has 28 letters
  • Cities located at 28o latitude include: New Delhi, India.
  • Cities located at 28o longitude include: Johannesburg, South Africa; Pretoria, South Africa; and Istanbul, Turkey.
  • 28 is not yet used as the code for international direct dial phone calls.
  • Two Cleveland skyscrapers have 28 floors, the McDonald Investment Center (1969): East 9th St. at Superior Ave. (305 ft);and the Marriott at Key Tower (1991): 127 Public Square, Cleveland (320 ft)
  • Parker Brothers Monopoly board game consists of 40 squares with 28 properties for sale. In the U.S. version, the properties are named after locations in Atlantic City, NJ.

monopoly board

  • The Runik alphabet, also called Futhark, used by Germanic peoples of northern Europe, Britain, Scandinavia, and Iceland (3rd century to the 16th or 17th century AD) has 28 letters.
  • In Gematriya, the system of Hebrew Numerology, the number 28 corresponds to the word koakh, meaning “power”, “energy”.
  • The number of days in the shortest month of the Gregorian calendar, February (except in leap years, when there are twenty-nine).
  • The Gregorian calendar follows a 28-year cycle for the most part, since there are seven days in a week and leap year generally occurs every four years; usually, a calendar from any year is the same as that from 28 years earlier (e.g., 2008 and 1980 or 2009 and 2037). However, that rule holds only when there have been exactly seven leap days in a 28-year interval; years divisible by 100 but not by 400 are not leap years. Indeed, 1900 (as well as 2100, 2200, etc.) does not use the same calendar as 1872 (2072, 2172, etc., respectively) for the simple reason that 1900 is not a leap year. In 28 years, any day-of-the-week and date combination occurs exactly four times. February 29 will fall on each day of the week once.
  • In Jewish tradition there is a 28 year solar cycle in which the sun returns to its place in Creation every 28 solar years. This is commemorated in April every 28 years with the recitation of Birkat Hachama, the blessing of the sun.
  • There are 28 wheels on a Lockheed C-5 Galaxy.

Lockheed C-5 Galaxy

  • 28 is the common name for the parrot ‘Barnardius zonarius semitorquatus’, widely distributed in Western Australia and South Australia, because its call sounds like “wenniate”.
  • In neo-Nazi circles, twenty-eight indicates Blood and Honour (28 = BH – B – second letter of the alphabet and H – the eight letter).
  • The number of Chinese constellations, “Xiu” or “mansions” (a literal translation), equivalent to the 12 western zodiac constellations.
  • 28 is the postal code of the province of Madrid, in Spain.
  • Twenty Eight is a popular game played in Kerala India.
  • 28 is the number of the French department Eure-et-Loir.
  • There are approximately twenty-eight grams in an ounce, a measure frequently used in the illegal drug trade.
  • In horticulture the America and Cherish Roses have 28 orange pink petals; the Black Velvet Rose has 28 dark red petals; the Maestro Rose has 28 petals with a red center, pink edges and speckles; the Garden Party Rose has 28 white blend petals; and the Ophelia Rose has 28 light pink petals.

ophelia-rose. 

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A Man Walked Into A Hardware Store….

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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In case today’s title was a little bit obscure for you, it’s pun day again.

Yes even more of those bad jokes and word plays.

Enjoy!

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A man walked into a hardware store and picked up a can of fly spray.

“Is this good for wasps?” he asked the assistant.

“No, it kills them,” was the reply.

hardware store

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My Doctor told me I’m a Paranoid Schizophrenic.

We think he’s out to get us

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I went into the pharmacy last week and said to the woman behind the counter, “Packet of three, please, Miss.”

“Don’t you Miss me, young man,” she replied.

I said, “Okay, better make that four then!”

pharmacy

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I used to go out with a midget but we broke up.

We just couldn’t see eye to eye.

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I went to the missing persons bureau,

but there was no-one there.

missing persons bureau

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Four fonts walk into a bar

The barman says, “Oi – get out! We don’t want your type in here.”

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Why do they call it ‘raw’ sewage?

Is someone somewhere cooking it?

cartoon-chef

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I am very much into DIY.

Every time the wife asks me to do anything, I say, “do it yourself.”

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Ted Kennedy got told off for not opening the door for his girlfriend when he was on a date.

Instead he just swam to the surface.

kennedy_cartoon

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Computers are like air conditioners.

They work fine until you start opening windows.

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Food has supplanted sex as the main driving force in my life

– now I can’t even get into my own pants.

pants

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I had a horrible childhood.

My father was a Pontoon dealer in Vegas,

that’s why he used to hit me till I was 21

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I conducted an orchestra the other day.

It’s more fun than you can shake a stick at.

Conductor

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They say being a hostage is difficult…

…But I could do that with my hands tied behind my back.

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What’s got four legs and goes “boo”?

A cow with a cold.

cartoon-cow

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The Interstate was blocked for an hour yesterday

after a car driven by a hunchback crashed into a car driven by a bearded lady.

Police are describing it as a freak accident.

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Bloody feminists.

They should all be put behind bras.

comic_feministbraburnings

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What kind of bees make milk?

Boobies!

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Nowhere Is Safe!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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One would hope that libraries, being depositories of knowledge, would be a place relatively safe from the intellectually challenged.

Sadly, stupid people invade every space, libraries included.

To prove the point here is a short selection of actual stupid questions asked of librarians. 

Enjoy.

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“Do you have books here?”

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“Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?”

library cartoon

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“Do you have a list of all the books I’ve ever read?”

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“I’m looking for Robert James Waller’s book, ‘Waltzing through Grand Rapids.”

(The actual title is “Slow Waltz In Cedar Bend.”)

library2 cartoon

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“Where is the reference desk?”

(Asked of a worker sitting at a desk, over which was a sign saying ‘REFERENCE DESK’.)

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“Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?”

library3 cartoon

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“Which outlets in the library are appropriate for my hairdryer?”

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“I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?”

library4 cartoon

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“I need a color photograph of George Washington.”

(Other individuals asked for, by other patrons, are Christopher Columbus, King Arthur, Moses, Socrates, and more.)

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“Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?”

library5 cartoon

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“I’m looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I’m having trouble with it in my neck.”

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“Is the basement upstairs?”

library6 cartoon

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“I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months.”

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“I got a quote from a book I turned in last week but I forgot to write down the author and title. It’s big and red, and I found it on the top shelf. Can you find it for me?”

library7 cartoon

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“Do you have anything good to read?”

The response was,

“No, ma’am. I’m afraid we have 75,000 books, and they’re all duds.”

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Dumbass: “I am looking for a globe of the earth.”

Librarian: “We have a table-top model over here.” 

Dumbass: “No, that’s not good enough. Don’t you have a life-size?”

Librarian: (pause) “Yes, but it’s in use right now.”

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And finally a joke.

 

Man goes up to the library reference desk and asks the assistant,

“Do you have a copy of that new book for men with small penises?”

The librarian replies,

“I don’t think it’s in yet.”

“Yes,” the man says. “That’s the one!”

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It’s Monday And That Means Some More Quiz Show Answers.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s Monday and that means some more quiz show answers.

I can’t make up my mind if they are getting worse every week, but they don’t ever seem to improve much that’s for sure!

Enjoy.

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Q: What hard cheese derives its name from the city of Rome?   

A: Swiss

swiss cheese

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Q: Who are the cartoon mascots of Rice Krispies cereal?           

A: Crispy & Crunch

snap crackle pop

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Q: In religion, the Jehovah’s Witnesses distribute Awake and what other magazine?         

A: MAD

watchtower

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Q: What stock symbol does International Business Machines trade under?          

A: NYB

ibm-logo-3

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Q: What former child actor played the sympathetic Cornelius in the original “Planet of the Apes”?

A: Gary Coleman

Cornelius

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Q: In 1994, what sporting event was canceled due to a player’s strike?    

A: China

new china logo

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Q: What “T” is both an item of underwear and a rising column of warm air?         

A: Turtle

cartoon_turtle

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Q: The name of what ceremony of the installation of a new monarch comes from the Latin for “crown”?   

A: Head           

queen

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Q: Which US state is home to the Boston Symphony Orchestra?

A: Boston

boston map

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Q: What cast member of “The Carol Burnett Show” played the title character on NBC’s “Mama’s Family?” 

A: Mama

mamas family

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Q: Which figure skater was implicated in the 1994 attack on Olympic teammate Nancy Kerrigan? 

A: Monica Lewinsky

Monica Lewinsky

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Q: In nature, most unripe fruit is which color, purple or green?    

A: Plum

cartoon plum

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Q: What was the name of Madonna’s concert tour in 1990?        

A: Blond Tart    

Madonna

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Q: The name of which small, wingless, jumping insect precedes “bite”, “collar”, and “market” to give three familiar terms?

A: Bicycle        

cartoon-flea

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