“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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Yet another selection of those jokes you love to hate.
I wouldn’t guarantee the politically correctness of some of them, but enjoy them if you can!
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How do Welsh people cross the road?
Caerphilly!
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Are dwarfs the lowest form of human life?
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What are the rules of gay poker?
Queens are wild and straights don’t count.
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I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.
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A little old lady takes her dead cats to a taxidermist to be stuffed.
“Would you like them mounted?” asked the taxidermist.
“Oooo no….” says the lady, “just snuggled up next to each other.”
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A woman in the pharmacy sees a deal offering 5 boxes of tampons for a dollar.
She can’t believe how good the deal is and asks the manager, “Is that price correct?”
“Sure is,” says the manager, “It’s a special offer, 5 boxes for a dollar and there are no strings attached!”
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Did you hear about the gay carpenter?
He always left a saw behind!
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A psychotic rapist escaped recently from a mental institution for the criminally insane. He ran across the street to the laundromat hoping to find a change of clothes. Inside, he discovered two women, and forced them to have sex. Then he fled out the back door.
The next day the local newspaper headline read, “NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS!”
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Irish bloke walks into a pub and says, “Drink of orange please landlord.”
The landlord asks, “Still orange?”
Irish fella replies, “Yes, I haven’t changed my mind.”
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Two blondes walk into a building…
Wow, you’d think at least one of them would have seen it.
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What do you call a bloke with a one inch penis?
Justin.
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After announcing he’s getting married, a Scotsman tells his pal he’ll be wearing a kilt.
‘And what’s the tartan?’ asks the mate.
‘Oh, she’ll be wearing a white dress.’ he replies.
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Two parrots on a perch.
One turns to the other and says, “Can you smell fish?”
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What qualifications do you need to be a road sweeper?
None.
You just pick it up as you go along!
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Good King Wenseslas called his local pizza parlour.
“Would you like your usual, sir?”
“Oh yes,” he replied. “Deep pan: crisp and even.”
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A customer is ordering food in an Indian restaurant.
“Waiter, what’s this Chicken Tarka?”
The waiter replies, “it’s the same as Chicken Tikka, but it’s a little ‘Otter.”
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fasab 
No no … say it ain’t Pun Day.
Man, she talks almost faster than I can listen!
Good find. 🙂
That she does …
I won’t say how many of these I ‘didn’t get’. I think something must be wrong with me 😉
Oh dear, perhaps you’re showing signs of normality!
No…we can not have that….
The laundromat one reminds me of the old joke about pandas. A panda walks into a restaurant, orders lunch, then pulls out a gun and blasts the waiter, then runs out the door. As the police investigate, they find a sheet torn out of an encyclopedia that explained everything: “Panda: Eats Shoots and Leaves”. 😀
I think several of those, particularly the friend pushed in front of the locomotive, require knowledge of certain areas’ slang. At least, I assume that’s what the deal with the Indian food and otters was….
Some of them English in origin – London cockneys for example seldom pronounce an ‘H’.
Like the joke, are you panda-ring to my sense of humor perhaps 😉
Please, no more puns, I can’t BEAR it.
Okay, deal. But when you don’t another one for a while just don’t ask me why the big paws!
[…] So the lawyer asks if the Scotsman would like to play a fun game.The Scotsman is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The English lawyer persists, and says that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only £5; you ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you £500, he says. This catches the Scotsman’s attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.The lawyer asks the first question. ‘What’s the distance from The Earth to the Moon?’ The Scotsman doesn’t say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five-pound note, and hands it to the lawyer.Now, it’s the Scotsman’s turn. He asks the lawyer, ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’ The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the Scotsman and hands him £500. The Scotsman pockets the £500 and goes right back to sleep.The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the Scotsman up and asks, ‘Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?’The Scotsman reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer £5 and goes back to sleep. Don’t mess with the Scots. Picture Source: https://fasab.wordpress.com/2013/01/24/pun-day/ […]