What Is It You’re Scared Of? Bet I Have A Name For It.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I thought it might be a good idea to do a post on phobias, that is, things that people are scared of. There re the obvious things like spiders and rats and heights and so forth, but I was hoping that there might be enough material to do a post concentrating on the stupid things, the things that you would never imagine in your wildest dreams that somebody would be scared of.

Well it turns out I was right. There was enough material for a post. In fact there was enough material for a whole series of posts!

The rule I quickly discovered is  –  if it exists some poor demented soul will be scared of it. Even the most mundane and innocuous things.

I should also point out that what we are talking about here is not just simply being scared as you would be scared of a lion or a charging herd of elephants. That’s just common sense. What we are talking about here is a totally irrational and heightened fear for which there is no logic or sensible explanation, other than that the sufferer is a bit nuts!

So we’ll start the series today. If you like it then we can do more. It’s actually quite entertaining in two senses, one just to laugh at the stupidity of people, and two, to marvel at some of the names scientists and doctors have dreamt up for the phobias.

Here we go. By the way, if you have a phobia about lists (and there is one!) get in behind the sofa now.

 

 

Ablutophobia ………. Fear of washing or bathing.

 

Acarophobia ………. Fear of itching or of the insects that cause itching.

 

Acerophobia ………. Fear of sourness.   

 

Achluophobia ………. Fear of darkness.  

 

Acousticophobia ………. Fear of noise.  

 

Aerophobia ………. Fear of drafts, air swallowing, or airbourne noxious substances.  

 

Aeroacrophobia ………. Fear of open high places.  

 

Aeronausiphobia ………. Fear of vomiting secondary to airsickness.   

 

Agateophobia ………. Fear of insanity.   

 

Agliophobia ………. Fear of pain.  

 

Agoraphobia ………. Fear of open spaces, or of being in crowded, public places like markets, or of leaving a safe place.  

 

Agraphobia ………. Fear of sexual abuse.   Also known as Contreltophobia

 

Agrizoophobia ………. Fear of wild animals.  

 

Agyrophobia ………. Fear of streets or crossing the street.

 

Aibohphobia ………. Fear of palindromes.

(So why did they make the name of this ailment a palindrome???)

 

Aichmophobia ………. Fear of needles or pointed objects.

 

Ailurophobia ………. Fear of cats.

 

Albuminurophobia ………. Fear of kidney disease.

 

Alektorophobia ………. Fear of chickens.

 

Algophobia ………. Fear of pain.

 

Alliumphobia ………. Fear of garlic.

 

Allodoxaphobia ………. Fear of opinions.

 

Altophobia ………. Fear of heights.

 

Amathophobia ………. Fear of dust.

 

Amaxophobia ………. Fear of riding in a car.

 

Ambulophobia ………. Fear of walking.

 

Amnesiphobia ………. Fear of amnesia.

 

Amychophobia ………. Fear of scratches or being scratched.

 

Anablephobia ………. Fear of looking up.

 

Ancraophobia ………. Fear of wind. (Anemophobia)

 

Androphobia ………. Fear of men.

 

Androidophobia ………. Fear of androids or robots

 

Anemophobia ………. Fear of air drafts or wind. (Ancraophobia)

 

Anestesiaphobia ………. Fear of being under anthestic or fear of loss of sensation

 

Anginophobia ………. Fear of angina, choking or narrowness.

 

Anglophobia ………. Fear of England or English culture, etc.

 

Angrophobia ………. Fear of anger or of becoming angry.

 

Ankylophobia ………. Fear of immobility of a joint.

 

Anthophobia ………. Fear of flowers or parts of flowers

 

Anthrophobia or Anthophobia ………. Fear of flowers.

 

Anthropophobia ………. Fear of people or society.

 

Antlophobia ………. Fear of floods.

 

Anuptaphobia ………. Fear of staying single.

 

Apeirophobia ………. Fear of infinity.

 

Aphenphosmphobia ………. Fear of being touched. (Haphephobia)

 

Apiphobia ………. Fear of bees.

 

Apotemnophobia ………. Fear of persons with amputations.

 

Aguaphobia ………. Fear of water

 

Arachibutyrophobia ………. Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.

 

Arithmophobia ………. Fear of numbers.

 

Arrhenphobia ………. Fear of men.

 

Arsonphobia ………. Fear of fire.

 

Ashenophobia ………. Fear of fainting or weakness

 

Astraphobia or Astrapophobia ………. Fear of thunder and lightning.(Ceraunophobia, Keraunophobia)

 

Astrophobia ………. Fear of stars or celestial space.

 

Asymmetriphobia ………. Fear of asymmetrical things.

 

Ataxiophobia ………. Fear of ataxia. (muscular incoordination)

 

Ataxophobia ………. Fear of disorder or untidiness.

 

Atelophobia ………. Fear of imperfection.

 

Atephobia ………. Fear of ruin or ruins.

 

Athazagoraphobia ………. Fear of being forgotten or ignored or forgetting.

 

Atomosophobia ………. Fear of atomic explosions.

 

Atychiphobia ………. Fear of failure.

 

Aulophobia ………. Fear of flutes.

 

Aurophobia ………. Fear of gold.

 

Auroraphobia ………. Fear of Northern lights.

 

Autodysomophobia ………. Fear of one that has a vile odor.

 

Automatonophobia ………. Fear of ventriloquist’s dummies, animatronic creatures, wax statues – anything that falsely represents a sentient being.

 

Automysophobia ………. Fear of being dirty.

 

Autophobia ………. Fear of being alone or of oneself.

 

Aviophobia or Aviatophobia ………. Fear of flying.

 

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A Few More Random Questions

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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This seems to be the week of questions on the fasab blog. It wasn’t planned that way, sometimes things just happen coincidentally, although you would have a job on your hands trying to convince a conspiracy theorist about that.

On Sunday we had questions in the form of a test, yesterday some quiz show questions (although the stars were the answers) and today another selection of those questions most of us ignore, but when we see them we think, “Yeah, why didn’t I ever ask that?”.

So here is the latest batch for you to think about.

Enjoy.

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 Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?

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Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

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Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

lipstick and lips drawing 

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If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest and there is no one around, will it make a sound?

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Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

psychic

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Why is it that Easy Listening music is so hard to listen to?

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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

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Why can’t you be a non-conformist like everyone else?

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If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?

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Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

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If you had everything, where would you put it?

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Why are men’s and women’s shoe sizes different?

different shoe sizes for men and women

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How do blind people know their stick is white?

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Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?

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If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?

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If you’re cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

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If most streets in Japan do not have any names how do you address a letter to someone?

confused postman

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If Tarzan was raised in the jungle by apes, why doesn’t he ever have a beard?

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Before drawing boards were invented what was it people went back to?

drawing board

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The Brain-To-Mouth-Bypass Mishaps Of Joe Public And Friends – Yes, Another Quiz Show Monday Folks!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Yesterday you were in the hot seat trying to answer some questions. But I’m sure you did better than this lot and your questions were much trickier than these.

Feel superior and enjoy the brain-to-mouth-bypass mishaps of Joe Public and friends.

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Q: In literature, Arthur C. Clarke’s “2010: Odyssey Two” was primarily set in what century?

A: Third

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Q: What is 2 times 5?   

A: 7     

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Q: What name is given to the field of medicine that concerns the health of women?        

A: Womenology

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Q: The law of what organization states that its members are “brave, clean and reverent”

A: Alcoholics Anonymous   (Answer: Boy Scouts)          

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Q: The name of which Caribbean island literally means “rich port” in Spanish?      

A: Port Richmond

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Q: What is half of 1,000

A: 100  

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Q: According to Hallmark, what type of gift should be given on the 50th wedding anniversary?    

A: Greeting card

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Q: What animal builds dams and lodges?          

A: Sheep

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Q: Who is the only Marx brother that remained silent throughout all their films?    

A: Karl 

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Q: What Tennessee congressman fought at the Battle of the Alamo?      

A: Al Gore

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Q: What ‘S’ is one of the seven deadly sins in Christianity?        

A: Science

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Q: What part of the human body is closest to the floor when we are walking?      

A: Head           

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Q: What 20 year old Russian tennis star released a fitness video called “Basic Elements?”          

A: Arnold Schwarzenegger

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Q: In 1973, President Nixon issued a statement saying “I am not a…” what?        

A: Canadian

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Q: What is the largest planet visible from Earth?

A: The moon    

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Q: On TV’s “Cheers,” which actress played bar manager Rebecca Howe?

A: Ted Dansen 

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Q: The Governor’s mansion in the state of Georgia is located in which city?        

A: Alabama

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Q: What does the “U” stand for in the name of the dissolved country U.S.S.R.?  

A: Russia

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Q: What is the capital of New Jersey?   

A: Delaware

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Q: What computer company’s name is abbreviated IBM?

A: Apple

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We’ll Call Today ‘Sneaky Sunday’

 “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Why is today Sneaky Sunday?

Because this Sunday there is a test for you. They’re no good unless they sneak up on you by surprise. This way there’s no time get a sick note or prepare another excuse.

Some of the questions are easy, some of them are hard, some of them are tricky, and some are a combination of one or more of the above.

So sharpen your pencils and whatever else you need to do and begin when you are ready.

(As usual the answers are waaaaaaaay down below, but no cheating!)

Enjoy!

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Q 1: Launched on February 1, 1958 what was the name of the first American satellite in orbit?

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Q 2: Most people know what a bibliophile is, but what is a bibliopole?

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Q 3: Train ‘A’ leaves from New York City heading toward Los Angeles at 100 mph. Three hours later, train ‘B’ leaves from Los Angeles heading toward New York City at 200 mph. Assume there is exactly 2,000 miles between Los Angeles and New York City. When they meet, which train is closer to New York City?

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Q 4: There is the only royal palace in the United States of America – where is it?

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Q 5: What sort of paper are US dollar bills made out of?

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Q 6: What does the ZIP in “ZIP code” mean?

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Q 7: Nowadays they go for tens of millions of dollars each, but how many paintings did Vincent Van Gogh sell during his entire life?

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Q 8: A certain five letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it. What is the word?

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Q 9: What is the only planet in our solar system that rotates clockwise?

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Q 10: What is a rhinoceros horn made of?

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Q 11: Name an English word that ends in “mt”

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Q 12: What was the first novel ever written on a typewriter?

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Q 13: If an electric train is traveling northwest at 95 miles per hour, and the wind is blowing southwest at 95 miles per hour, in which direction does the smoke blow?

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Q 14: Who was the first U.S. President to be born in a hospital?

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Q 15: How long would you have to hold your breath before you kill yourself?

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Q 16: What are the six official languages of the U.N.?

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Q 17: “Big Ben” in London, England is what?

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Q 18: There are 10 human body parts that are only 3 letters long. What are they? (And you know them all)

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Q 19: Who is Robert Zimmerman?

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Q 20: While on my way to St. Ives,  I met a man with seven wives.  Each wife had seven sacks;  Each sack had seven cats;  Each cat had seven kittens.  Kittens, cats, sacks, wives;  How many were going to St. Ives?

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ANSWERS

Q 1: Launched on February 1, 1958 what was the name of the first American satellite in orbit?

Explorer

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Q 2: Most people know what a bibliophile is, but what is a bibliopole?

A bibliophile is a collector of rare books, and a bibliopole is a seller of rare books.

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Q 3: Train ‘A’ leaves from New York City heading toward Los Angeles at 100 mph. Three hours later, train ‘B’ leaves from Los Angeles heading toward New York City at 200 mph. Assume there is exactly 2,000 miles between Los Angeles and New York City. When they meet, which train is closer to New York City?

Two answers are allowed to this one, either

When they meet, they’re both exactly the same distance from New York City.

or,

if you consider “meeting” to be nose to nose, the one that left from New York City is closer to New York City by a train length.

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Q 4: There is the only royal palace in the United States of America – where is it?

Honolulu, Hawai

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Q 5: What sort of paper are US dollar bills made out of?

US Dollar bills are made out of cotton and linen.

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Q 6: What does the ZIP in “ZIP code” mean?

Zoning Improvement Plan.

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Q 7: Nowadays they go for tens of millions of dollars each, but how many paintings did Vincent Van Gogh sell during his entire life?

Vincent Van Gogh sold exactly one painting during his lifetime, “Red Vineyard at Arles”.

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Q 8: A certain five letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it. What is the word?

Short

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Q 9: What is the only planet in our solar system that rotates clockwise?

Venus

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Q 10: What is a rhinoceros horn made of?

Compacted hair

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Q 11: Name an English word that ends in “mt”

Dreamt

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Q 12: What was the first novel ever written on a typewriter?

Tom Sawyer

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Q 13: If an electric train is traveling northwest at 95 miles per hour, and the wind is blowing southwest at 95 miles per hour, in which direction does the smoke blow?

Smoke? It’s an electric train, there ain’t no smoke!

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Q 14: Who was the first U.S. President to be born in a hospital?

Jimmy Carter

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Q 15: How long would you have to hold your breath before you kill yourself?

You cannot kill yourself by holding your breath, with the best will in the world, even if you held you breath long enough to pass out your body reflex would then take over and you would start to breathe again involuntarily

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Q 16: What are the six official languages of the U.N.?

English, French, Spanish, Russian, Chinese and Arabic

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Q 17: “Big Ben” in London, England is what?

Many people mistakenly think it is a clock. Actually, it’s the bell.

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Q 18: There are 10 human body parts that are only 3 letters long. What are they? (And you know them all)

Eye, hip, arm, leg, ear, toe, jaw, rib, lip, gum.

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Q 19: Who is Robert Zimmerman?

Bob Dylan’s real name is Robert Zimmerman

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Q 20: While on my way to St. Ives,  I met a man with seven wives.  Each wife had seven sacks;  Each sack had seven cats;  Each cat had seven kittens.  Kittens, cats, sacks, wives;  How many were going to St. Ives?

Read it again, it was only you who was going to St Ives, so the answer is one

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Did ya do good???

CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Three!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today we have a third installment of those classified ads we all love to read. As usual, pick your favorite or just enjoy them all.

It’s great when people think they said what they meant to say but actually said something completely different.

Enjoy!

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classified ad 14

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classified ad 13a

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Significant Number Factoid Friday – Today Number One Hundred 100

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today the number is 100, very popular, much used by almost everyone.  Here are some things about 100 that you may know and some you probably don’t.

Enjoy.

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100 One Hundred

100

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In Religion

  • Shem was an hundred years old when he became a father (Genesis 11:10);
  • Abraham was also one hundred years of age when his son Isaac was born (Gen. 21:5);
  • Obadiah saved one hundred prophets by hiding them in a cave and feeding them. (I Kings 18.4);
  • Jesus’ parable of the 100th lost sheep (Matthew 18.12);
  • Nicodemus brought one hundred pounds of myrrh & aloes to embalm Jesus after his crucifixion (John 19.39);
  • Paul’s 14 Epistles in the New Testament total one hundred chapters;
  • There are 100 blasts of the Shofar heard in the service of Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year;
  • A religious Jew is expected to utter at least one hundred blessings daily.

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In politics

  • The United States Senate has 100 Senators, two from each of the 50 States;
  • “The First Hundred Days” is an arbitrary benchmark of a President of the United States’ performance at the beginning of his or her term.

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In mathematics

  • A Centillion 10303 has 100 groups of three zeros after 1000;
  • A Googol is the figure 1 followed by 100 zeroes, written 10100. It was invented by Milton Sirotta, the 9-year nephew of mathematician Edward Kasner;
  • A 10×10 Magic Square has 100 squares with numbers 1-100, each row, column & diagonal adding to 505 with the total sum being 5050;
  • There are exactly 100 prime numbers whose digits are in strictly ascending order. (e.g. 239, 2357 etc.);
  • Pythagoreans considered 100 as divinely divine because it is the square (10 x 10) of the divine decad;
  • The standard SI prefix for a hundred is “hecto-“;
  • 100 is the basis of percentages (per cent meaning “per hundred” in Latin), with 100% being a full amount and representing wholeness, purity, or perfection.

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In science

  • One hundred is the Atomic Number of Fermium, a radioactive rare earth metal;
  • One hundred is the molecular weight of Calcium Carbonate;
  • The boiling point of water is 100 degrees Celsius.

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In space

  • Messier 100 is a perfect example of a grand design spiral galaxy, a type of galaxy with prominent and very well-defined spiral arms.
  • These dusty structures swirl around the galaxy’s nucleus, and are marked by a flurry of star formation activity that dots Messier 100 with bright blue, high-mass stars.
  • This image from the NASA/ESA Hubble Space Telescope

Messier 100.

In Finance

  • Most of the world’s currencies are divided into 100 sub-units; for example, one dollar or one euro is made up of one hundred cents, and one pound sterling is one hundred pence;
  • The U.S. hundred-dollar bill (the largest US bill in print) has Benjamin Franklin’s portrait;

100 dollar bill showing Benjamin Franklin's portrait

  • American savings bonds of $100 have Thomas Jefferson’s portrait;
  • American $100 treasury bonds have Andrew Jackson’s portrait;
  • The FTSE 100, NASDAQ 100, etc., are financial tables of the top companies on the various stock exchanges.

logo nasdaq 100

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In sport

  • 100 is the number of yards in an American football field (not including the end zones);
  • 100 is the minimum distance in yards for a Par 3 on a golf course;
  • The 100 meters sprint is the race that brings with it the title of the fastest man in the world. Current holder is Jamaican superstar Usain Bolt;

Usain Bolt 100 Meter Champion and the fastest man in the world

  • 100 points scored by Wilt Chamberlain is the record number of points scored in one NBA game by a single player in basketball game, achieved when Philadelphia Warrior defeated New York Knicks 169-147 on March 2, 1962 in Hershey, Pennsylvania. The 316 points by both teams surpassed the record of 312 when Boston defeated Minneapolis 173-139 on Feb. 27, 1959 in Boston.

Wilt Chamberlain

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In militaria

  • The Hundred Years’ War (1337-1453) between France & England lasted 116 years.

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  • Ultimax 100
  • The Ultimax 100 is a squad automatic weapon / light machine gun. It was created by the small arms design team at Chartered Industries of Singapore (CIS; now Singapore Technologies Kinetics) Inc, that included American small arms designer James Sullivan, who previously worked for Armalite and participated in design of the AR-18 assault rifle. In 1982 it was adopted by the Singaporean army. The current production version is Ultimax 100 Mark 3.

Ultimax 100 mk3 3

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  • Type 100 Submachine Gun
  • Designed and built by the Nambu Arms Manufacturing Company in Japan, the Type 100 Submachine gun was used during World War II, and the only submachine gun produced by Japan in any quantity. It was modeled on the famous Bergmann MP18 submachine gun.  First samples were delivered to the Imperial Army in 1942 and in total some 30,000 were manufactured.

Type100 Japanese WWII Submachine Gun

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  • F-100
  • The North American F-100 Super Sabre was a supersonic jet fighter aircraft that served with the United States Air Force (USAF) from 1954 to 1971 and with the Air National Guard (ANG) until 1979.
  • The first of the Century Series collection of USAF jet fighters, it was the first USAF fighter capable of supersonic speed in level flight.
  • The F-100 was originally designed by North American Aviation as a higher performance follow-on to the F-86 Sabre air superiority fighter.
  • Adapted as a fighter bomber, the F-100 would be supplanted by the Mach 2 class F-105 Thunderchief for strike missions over North Vietnam. The F-100 flew extensively over South Vietnam as the Air Force’s primary close air support jet until replaced by the more efficient subsonic LTV A-7 Corsair II.
  • The F-100 also served in other NATO air forces and with other U.S. allies. In its later life, it was often referred to as “the Hun,” a shortened version of “one hundred.
  • This aircraft is now on display at the National Museum of the U.S. Air Force

F-100C in formation 

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  • JF-100
  • NASA’s JF-100 Variable Stability Aircraft is a research aircraft about which very little information is readily available. Only scattered references of it remain in bits of documents and reports.
  • The JF-100 was built from an Air Force F-100C by NASA’s Ames Research Center, and transferred to NASA’s Dryden Flight Research Center in 1960. The “J” designation refers to it being modified for special test missions, but not so extensively that it could not be returned to being a standard F-100. The aircraft obviously was acquired from the Air Force and carried the registration number 53-1709, but no information about its earlier career was available.
  • The JF-100 was removed from service as a variable stability aircraft at NASA Dryden in 1964, but its final disposition could not be determined. The information is most likely buried in various reports somewhere, waiting to be rediscovered by a future researcher.

JF-100 Variable Stability Aircraft

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  • F100 class frigates
  • The Álvaro de Bazán class (also known as the F100 class of frigates) are a new class of Aegis combat system-equipped air defence frigates entering service with the Spanish Navy. They are being built in the Spanish factory of Navantia in Ferrol and are named after Admiral Álvaro de Bazán.
  • The ships are fitted with American Aegis weapons technology allowing them to track hundreds of airborne targets simultaneously as part of its air defence network. The F100 Alvaro de Bazan class multi-role frigate is one of the few non-US warships to carry the Aegis Combat System and its associated AN/SPY-1 radar. Japan’s Kongo class, South Korea’s King Sejong the Great class, the F100-derived Norwegian Fridtjof Nansen class of frigates also use the Aegis system. Lockheed Martin, Navantia and the U.S. Navy are conducting final systems integration.
Spanish Navy F 100 Class Frigate, Almirante Juan de Borbon
Spanish Navy F 100 Class Frigate, Almirante Juan de Borbon

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  • SU-100
  • Designed on the chasis of the T-34-85 tank, the tank hunter SU-100 was produced until March 1946 with a total number of 3037 units made.
  • It was one of the most effective anti-tank units up to 1948. In 1960, the SU-100 was upgraded with the installation of a new enhanced B2-34M engine, fuel pump NK-10, air cleaners VTI-3, commander observation equipment TPKU-2B and driver’s night sight BVN, as well as radio sets 10RT-26E and TPU-47.
  • The SU-100 was produced in Czechoslovakia and was in the inventory of several African and Middle East countries. The Arabs actively used it in military conflicts with Israel.

SU 100 Tank Hunter

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  • Other stuff
  • Cities located at 100 degree longitude: Penang, Malaysia; Bangkok, Thailand; Monterrey, Mexico;
  • Hecatonchires were giants with 100 arms and 50 heads each. They were born of Gaia & Uranus, and were stronger than even the Cyclopes. Their names were Cottus, Briareus, and Gyges;
  • Gene McDaniels’ song A Hundred Pounds of Clay had highest hit #3 in 1961 Pop Charts;
  • Joseph Haydn’s Symphony #100 in G Major is called “Military” (composed 1793-94);
  • Room 100 is a 4-member male melodic rock band formed in 1982;
  • Gathering of the 100 Gods occurs on the 19th day of the first lunar month;
  • The first Chinese dictionary was written in 100 A.D.;
  • The 100th day of the year (non-leap year) is April 10;
  • On April 10, 1912, the Titanic set sail from Southampton, England, and hit the iceberg on 4-15-1912;
  • The Century Plant is a Mexican agave (Agave americana) that blooms only once every “100 years” (folklore). In reality, it takes 10 years to bloom in warm regions and up to 60 years in colder climates;
  • Centipedes are insects with “100 legs”;
  • A Centenarian is someone over 100 years old. The number of Centenarians in the US  increased from 37,306 (1990) to 50,454 (2000) according to the U.S. Census;  the 180,000 centenarians worldwide (2000) is projected to reach 3.2 million by 2050;
  • Polish Draughts is a 100-square board game played with 40 pieces. It is similar to the 64-square board game of Checkers;
  • Roman numeral for 100 is C; 
  • Centennial is a 100th anniversary or its celebration;
  • A Century is a period of 100 years;
  • When a TV series reaches 100 episodes, it is generally considered viable for syndication; 
  • There are100 tiles in a standard Scrabble set;
  • In Greece, India, Israel and Nepal, 100 is the police telephone number;
  • In Belgium, 100 is the ambulance and firefighter telephone number;
  • In United Kingdom, 100 is the operator telephone number;
  • There are 100 pounds in an American short hundredweight.

=======================

 

Let’s Have Some More Pun Today

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Time for a few more puns for those of you who like a bit of word play, or just enjoy some bad jokes dressed up as clever stuff.

Enjoy.

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You know prices are rising when you buy a winter jacket and even down is up.

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I met a girl at an internet cafe, but we didn’t click.

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Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.

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I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.          

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The indecisive rower couldn’t choose either oar.

 .

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5000 hares have escaped from the zoo.

The police are combing the area.

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The blind guy was sure he could master braille once he got a feel for it.

 .

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The trailer for the movie was produced without a hitch!

 .

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Did you hear about the beautiful but strict high school teacher?

She was easy on the eyes and hard on the pupils!

 .

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I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.

It’s impossible to put down.

 .

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Scientist one: “I’m going to try to clone myself.”

Scientist two: “Now wouldn’t that be just like you!”

 .

.         

Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.

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I’m inclined to be laid back.

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I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.      

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Don’t trust people who do acupuncture, they’re back stabbers.

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My wife tells me I’m a skeptic – but I don’t believe a word she says.        

 .

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In the room the curtains were drawn, but the rest of the furniture was real.

 .

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A pun about a monorail always makes for a decent one-liner!

 .

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And finally, did you hear about the girl who got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun?

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Stupid Politicians And Bureaucrats Make What? Yes, That’s Right – Stupid Laws, Part Three

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today we have the third of my three-part series highlighting some of the stupid laws that have been made by the stupid politicians and bureaucrats that we have allowed into positions of power.

So here are some more of the lesser known laws that govern the good citizens in the United States (listed by state alphabetically, part 1 covered A to L, part 2 covered the M’s and N’s, this week it’s O to W.).

Enjoy (or cringe, perhaps).

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OHIO

  • Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public. (I hope that’s no reflection on them.)
  • It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday. (And immoral any other day.)
  • It is illegal to get a fish drunk. (Would Sir like some water with that?)
  • The Ohio driver’s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car. (But I want to ‘beep’.)
  • If one loses their pet tiger, they must notify the authorities within one hour. (That’s greeeaaaatttttt!)

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OKLAHOMA

  • It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo. (And the real thing is okay???)
  • Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
  • It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots. (That reminds me of a joke about…… no, better not.)
  • People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed. (What happens if you just have a ugly face to begin with?)
  • Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings.
  • Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punishable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine. (Well, blow me, that’s expensive!)
  • It is illegal to conceal the birth of a child that would be a bastard. (But you never know how they are going to turn out until they get a bit older???)

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OREGON

  • Babies may not be carried on the running boards of a car. (That’s okay, you need both hands to hang on to the car anyhow.)
  • It is illegal to whisper “dirty” things in your lover’s ear during sex. (So where do you whisper them?)
  • Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays. (Ridiculous!)
  • It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property. (To pot with that!!)
  • You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street. (Well, maybe YOU can’t, but….)
  • Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license. (And quite difficult even with one.)
  • It is a crime to publicly scrape clean a skeleton in a cemetery. (And let’s make no bones about it.)

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PENNSYLVANIA

  • It is illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. (This is another one of those ‘how many people were doing this that a law was needed against it’ kind of things.)
  • Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
  • A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. (Ya hear that one ladies?)
  • In Harrisburg it is against the law to wear lead nipple shields. (I bet Superman goes there – a lot!)
  • You may not sing in the bathtub.
  • You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth. (I don’t think I could catch a fish with my mouth.)

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RHODE ISLAND

  • No one may bite off another’s leg. (Ears, noses, arms, etc., are okay?)
  • Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void. (I’m saying nothing.)
  • One must make a loud noise before passing a car on the left. (Can do!)
  • The penalty for biting off another’s limb is twenty years in jail, but only if it was intentional. (Whoops, sorry, there’s your leg back. I didn’t mean it.)
  • It is illegal to wear transparent clothing. (Clearly!)
  • You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.

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SOUTH CAROLINA

  • It is considered an offense to get a tattoo. (I just consider it stupid.)
  • Horses may not be kept in bathtubs. (I guess there’s no room, what with all the donkeys in there.)
  • It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.
  • It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide. (You mean if you are attempting suicide or you can’t kill the person who is attempting suicide?)

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SOUTH DAKOTA

  • It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory. (But is there a law about cutting the cheese?)
  • If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.
  • In Huron it is an offence to cause static. (Shocking law that one.)
  • Otherwise illegal explosives can be set off in sunflower fields.

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TENNESSEE

  • It is a crime to share your Netflix password in Tennessee. (Is it okay in English?)
  • It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. (And very difficult.)
  • “Crimes against nature” are prohibited.
  • Skunks may not be carried into the state. (Yeah, let the little stinkers walk.)

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TEXAS

  • It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. (What sort of a guy ‘sips’ beer? Come on!)
  • Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos.
  • It is illegal to milk another person’s cow. (Is that a double entendre?)
  • The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
  • In Dallas it is illegal to possess realistic dildos.

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UTAH

  • It is illegal not to drink milk.
  • It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon.
  • Birds have the right of way on all highways.
  • In Salt Lake County an official milkman is limited to casual contact with his customers. (What’s all this about milk in Utah?)
  • A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
  • No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call. (So turn the sirens off??)
  • It is illegal to cause a catastrophe. (So are these laws not breaking this law?)

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VERMONT

  • Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. (By gum!)
  • At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.
  • All residents shall bathe every Saturday night.

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VIRGINIA

  • Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary. (Just how did the people who thought this one up think that they were going to enforce it?)
  • It is illegal to tickle women. (You just said that, see above!)
  • A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman’s derriere. (How long for a good slap?)
  • Women must wear a corsette after sundown and be in the company of male chaperone.

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WASHINGTON

  • The harassing of Bigfoot, Sasquatch or other undiscovered subspecies is a felony punishable by a fine and/or imprisonment. (Do tell how exactly do you harass an ‘undiscovered’ species? Wouldn’t you have to discover it first, and once discovered it is no longer ‘undiscovered’ and therefore can be harassed?)
  • All lollipops are banned. (This law really sucks.)
  • People may not buy a mattress on Sunday.
  • In Washington it is a misdemeanor to sell poison without a license.
  • In Seattle possessing an electro-magnetic wave generator is a crime.
  • It is illegal to pretend that one’s parents are rich. (Can you pretend that they are poor?)
  • You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length. (And where would you be able to conceal it anyway?)

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WEST VIRGINIA

  • It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs. (And I would imagine dangerous if it does!)
  • It is illegal to snooze on a train.
  • One may not walk a lion, tiger or leopard, even on a leash.
  • Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse.

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WISCONSIN

  • Condoms were considered an obscene article and had to be hidden behind the pharmacist’s counter.
  • At one time, margarine was illegal.
  • It is illegal to kiss on a train.
  • It is illegal to cut a woman’s hair. (People from Brazil please take special note.)
  • The government may not prohibit manual flushed urinals. (That’s handy.)
  • Cheddar cheese must be “highly pleasing”.
  • Followers of the Ho-Chunk religion may hunt deer without a license.
  • It is illegal to produce baby Swiss cheese without well-developed eyes. (Otherwise how could you see what you were doing… Duh!!)

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WYOMING

  • If one is drunk in a mine, he or she could land in jail for up to a year. (Prospects aren’t good then?)
  • It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking. (Iron or wooden?)
  • You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit. (That really bugs me.)
  • It is illegal to charge for the use of a toilet. (No sh**!)

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Some Important Questions For The New Congress To Consider

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

When the new Congress gets itself organized (don’t hold your breath) here are a few important questions I think they should address. The people deserve to know the answers. We have been ignored for far too long! 

 

 

What do you call male ballerinas?

 cartoon male ballerina

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How does Freddy Krueger wipe his butt?  (Ouch!)

cartoon freddie krueger

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Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?

(This one in particular has annoyed me for years!)

Phone and Calculator numbers reversed - why

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Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?

caterpillar-to-butterfly

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Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Cartoon Man Staring Into an Empty Refrigerator

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Does the postman deliver his own mail?

Cartoon Mail Man

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Why is toilet bowl cleaner almost always blue in color?

Blue toilet bowl cleaner

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Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?

the_road_sign_too_hell_by_demaniore

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Is ‘vice-versa’ to a dyslexic just plain redundant?

Dyslexic Sign

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How come you can kill a deer and put it up on your wall, but it’s illegal to keep one as a pet?

deer_head

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Why do we say we’re head over heels when we’re happy? Isn’t that the way we normally are?

head over heels

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If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from?

plum and prune 

Is it appropriate to say ‘good mourning’ at a funeral?

 snowman-funeral

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If there is an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule and therefore a rule that there is no exception to and does that mean there is not an exception to every rule, or that there is?

rules and exceptions

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When you’re caught ‘between a rock and a hard place’, is the rock not hard?

between a rock and a hard place

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Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

refrigerator-cartoon

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Doesn’t a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?

 lightning rod

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Who coined the phrase, ‘coined the phrase’?

coin-a-phrase

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Why do they continue to call steamrollers, ‘steam’ rollers? They no longer produce, get rid of, or have anything to do with steam.  

steamroller 

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It’s More Moronic Madness, Yes, It’s Quiz Show Monday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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So how many idiots got elected last week? Not all of them I hope, but I bet there are at least a few intellectually challenged newbees in the corridors of power in Washington. 

On the lighter side, some of those who didn’t make it in politics made it on to television and appeared in quiz shows.

The results are not that much different to some of the dumb things said in Congress (oh, oh, I feel another post forming in my head) so here is a selection to get the week started with a smile.

Enjoy!  

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Q: In craps, what are the numbers you will need to roll an ‘Easy 10’?        

A: What are 9 and 1?    

craps dice

. 111111

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Q: Paul III roared at him, “I have waited 30 years for your services. Now, I’m pope. Can’t I satisfy my desire?”        

A: Who is Lady Godiva?

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Q: If a Japanese “isha” (doctor) asks you to stick out your “shita”, he means this.           

A: What is your behind?

proctologist cartoon

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Q: To get to Wallace, Idaho from Boston, get on I-90 West, and the first one of these you ‘hit’, you’re there.        

A: What is a buffalo?

Buffalo

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Q: 2 of the 3 countries classified as extending across two continents     

A: What are Africa and Europe? 

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Q: The original one of these on Massachusetts’ Little Brewster Island was built in 1716; automation didn’t come until 1998.           

A: What is Kebert Xela?

Kebert Xela 

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Q: [The language that this statement, meaning “I love you guys”, is in:] Yr Wyf I’n Dy Garu Di      

A: What is Klingon?

A:  What is Welsh?       

klingon

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Q: He is the only sitting Vice President since Martin Van Buren to be elected President   

A: Who is Al Gore?

Al Gore cartoon

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Q: This nursery rhyme was based on actual events at a 1900 schoolhouse.         

A: What is ‘There once was a man from Nantucket?’       

There once was a man from Nantucket

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Q: In 2002, an elaborate dinner party was held at No. 10 to celebrate this many years’ reign by Elizabeth II           

A: Who is Tony Blair?   

Tony Blair cartoon

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Q: The Timon puppet in “The Lion King” was inspired by Bunraku, the traditional puppet theatre of this country     

A: What is Africa?        

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Q: Of the 5 permanent members of the UN Security Council, the one that is smallest in size         

A: What is my apartment?         

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Q: George Bernard Shaw called this condition “the greatest of evils and the worst of crimes.”       

A: What is marriage?

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Q: Of Pastism, Presentism or Futurism, the literary movement that began around 1909    

A: What is Modernism?

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Q: According to the old saying, “I scream, you scream, we all scream for…” what?          

A: Jim Beam

Jim Beam

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Q: Franklin D. Roosevelt is found on the head side of what American coin?        

A: $50 Bill

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Q: “If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere.” What city does that describe?

A: Phoenix

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Q: What was the magical item that brought Frosty the Snowman to life? 

A: Corncob pipe

corn cob pipes 

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Q: What vehicle is used in the Tour de France race?       

A: SUVs

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Q: What eye ailment is the more common name for “myopia?”    

A: You think you’re right

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 A myopic video

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