“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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Today I have great pleasure in presenting the third, but unfortunately, final part of this short series of Witty One-liners from the late and great George Carlin.
Where have all the clever comedians gone, I wonder?
Enjoy.
Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.
Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?
I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.
If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
“Meow” means “woof” in cat.
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
“No comment” is a comment.
If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.
I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
If the cops didn’t see it, I didn’t do it!
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.
I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.
It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer’s disease where they slowly began to recover other people’s lost memories.
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fasab 
“So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.” Always correct…!! 🙂
It is, but sadly always a different number. Thanks for your comment.
I do!!!
Bwaaaaaaah
Can’t win em all 😦
Love the one about work and pay.
I was fortunate to see him in concert … actually from the front row in 1972. His “Class Clown” album was just released.
That would have been good I’m sure. I have to be content with videos.
I seriously share his comment about heights. I’m fine in an airplane, but put me two stories up a ladder and my pulse goes to 4 digits! And I have ALWAYS lived by the “it’s only illegal if the cops catch you” mantra – at least out on the roads. Yep, had a bad case of leadfoot-itis when I was younger! (I don’t get to drive anymore, but it’s because of some REALLY good drugs. 😉 )
But I thought the smile-related statement was “Keep smiling – it makes people wonder what you’ve been up to!”. 😀
Thanks for the comment. I’m smiling!
i think, therefore i am the oldest i’ve ever been…
these are so funny
They are. Thanks for commenting. You’re not a Frisbeetarian by any chance?
no i can’t say that i am ha! i wouldn’t mind being stuck up high 😉
LOL
i’m short and i have a Hubby who is 6 ft 8!
Gosh! Long fellow?? I hope he writes poems for you.
Of course I’m almost 6ft 8 myself, when I stand on something.
ha when you stand on something…double ha…poems…LOL