Witty One-liner Wednesday – Some More Sayings Of The Late George Carlin

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


This Wednesday I am pleased to present part two of my trio of tributes to the late George Carlin and his great gift for seeing the world from the humorous side.

It turns out from the reaction to last week’s post that George still has a lot of fans out there which is great news.

Enjoy this latest selection.



If it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor.


As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.


If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.


The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.


I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.


I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.


If you’ve got a cat and a leg, you’ve got a happy cat. If you’ve got a cat and two legs, you’ve got a party.


By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.


Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?


Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”


I’ve never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.


One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.


If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense?


In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.


“One thing leads to another”? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.


Property is theft. Nobody “owns” anything. When you die, it all stays here.


The future will soon be a thing of the past.


Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.


Atheism is a non-prophet organization.




17 thoughts on “Witty One-liner Wednesday – Some More Sayings Of The Late George Carlin

    • I’d have to agree with that most of the time, although there are a few exceptions, for example, The Graduate and As Good As It Gets – well, I enjoyed them.

  1. Thanks for that one on getting older. As I go screamingly fast towards 50 (emphasis on screaming), I need to start using that to get out of some of my less-palatable activities.
    And to the “doctors practice” bit, here’s a VERY minor witticism – a carpenter covers his mistakes with wood dough, a mason covers his mistakes with plaster, and a doctor covers his mistakes with dirt.
    Think about it. Just don’t remind me of it, ’cause I’ve got my 6 month/6000 mile checkup next week. 😉

  2. I’ve heard some of these before and never knew the origin. What a great guy! Thanks for the lead, now to find some more George Carlin 🙂

    • Glad you enjoyed this selection. I don’t know whether George was the originator of all of these or just included some of them in his act. But they all suited his style of humor. Lots of videos on youtube if you want more, but as I said before sometimes his langage can be a little colorful!.

      • I’ll have to time it carefully, although Mr. 13 has heard pretty much all the ‘bad’ words. Finnish ratings don’t always count the Eff word et al as bad and they are NEVER beeped away …

  3. I LOVE George Carlin. He was the best. My favorite one above is the bumper sticker one. That is so annoying. I have seen one that says “My dog is smarter than your honor student.” I like that one. Also, here, we have the runners (hope you’re not a SERIOUS runner, or at least you have a sense of humor), so EVERYONE here in Dallas has stickers that say “13.1” or “26.2” or I saw one the other day that said “100.1” (and it wasn’t a radio station). Well, good for you, I Say! Woo hoo! I found one (and it’s on my car), and it says “0.0.” Yeah. That’s right. haha

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