Inflate Your Tires By All Means, But Then Hide Your Bicycle Pump Where It Cannot Tempt You!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yesterday’s post was about how a few idiots had met their demise, or failed to, when they attempted to kill themselves. Today the theme is continued with another curious case, but one of the accidental variety.

I must say this was a new one to me. Just when you think you’ve heard of everything something new and unexpected turns up. This time it turned up in Thailand.

Danger: Compressed Air
Danger: Compressed Air

“The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of ‘Pumping'”, a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told reporters. “If this perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream of Thailand’s manhood.”

He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak had been rushed into the hospital’s emergency room.

“Most ‘Pumpers’ use a standard bicycle pump,” he explained, “inserting the nozzle far up their rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, creating a momentary high. This act is a sin against God.”

It appears that the young Charnchai took it further still.

He started using a two-cylinder foot pump, but even that wasn’t exciting enough for him, so he boasted to friends that he was going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby gasoline station.

They dared him to do it, so, under cover of darkness, he snuck in.

Not realizing how powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube deep into his rectum, and placed a coin in the slot (of the machine, I think).

As a result, he died virtually instantly, leaving passers-by still in shock.

One woman thought she was watching a twilight fireworks display, and started clapping.

“We still haven’t located all of him”, say the police authorities. “When that quantity of air interacted with the gas in his system, he nearly exploded. It was like an atom bomb went off or something.”

“Pumping is the devil’s pastime, and we must all say no to Satan,” Ratchasima concluded. “Inflate your tires by all means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt you.”

 

16 thoughts on “Inflate Your Tires By All Means, But Then Hide Your Bicycle Pump Where It Cannot Tempt You!

      • Might I offer (as a stupider thing), chasing around World War 2 era tanks, in heavy wool uniforms, in 100+-degree temperatures? Or sleeping out, in thin summer-weight uniforms, in the middle of a log pile in zero-degree temps? Been there, done that, got the heat-stroke and frostbite scars to prove it!
        By the by, I VOLUNTEERED to do both, and paid a lot of money for them as well. I await your judgement. 😉

        • Whoever said “Never volunteer for anything”, was either very wise, or was speaking from experience.
          As for the military, they don’t ask for volunteers unless it’s for something particularly nasty.

      • Oh, I wasn’t in the military – I was a WW2 re-enactor, so I had to buy my uniform, wweapons, and kit, then drive to Milwaukee (summer) and southern Indiana (winter) from Chicago just to have the privilege of sweating/freezing my butt off. And I did that for several years, before my headaches side-lined me. I was frequently tired, usually dirty and sweaty (even during some of the winter events), and working a full-time job that also required doing computer system support at 2 in the morning. One summer, a buddy and I had a re-enactment on EVERY summer weekend, save 2, from May 1 through Labour Day (early September). Sheer, unadulterated hell.
        And I LOVED it! 😀

  1. So is this a case of “silent but deadly” in reverse? Or just a case of somebody TRULY being full of hot air? 😉
    Alright, how about “This is a real pain-in-the-butt way to die”? 😯
    Not all the Beano or Gas-X in the world is gonna help in this case. 😀

  2. There is just TOO MUCH good material here. From ‘destroying the cream of Thailand’s manhood’ to ‘pumping is the devil’s pastime’ …I just don’t know where to begin…

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