I’ve Heard Of Orange Crush, But This Is Ridiculous!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


oeange crush
orange crush

It happened on 12th  December 1998, in Quebec, Canada.

Kevin Mackle, a 19-year-old student, who had been celebrating the end of final exams with friends, managed to kill himself at Bishop’s University while shaking a 420-kilogram Coke machine.

He died beneath the soda machine, asphyxiated, with a blood alcohol level slightly over the legal driving limit.

His last act was committed in vain. “Even as it fell over, the vending machine did not let out a single can,” the coroner reported.

Soda-holics, and particularly stupid ones, take note! The report also states that toppled vending machines have caused at least 35 deaths and 140 injuries in the last twenty years.

Idiot shaking a vending machine
Idiot shaking a vending machine


Mackle’s family questioned the official version of events, and sued Coca-Cola, two related companies, and Bishop’s University for “gross carelessness.” They even suggested several reasons why Kevin’s death was not his own fault. Shaking coke machines “was common practice at the University.” Furthermore they speculate that unknown persons might have crushed Kevin with the vending machine in a bizarre murder, as it “would be difficult for one person to move” the Coke machine.

As is sadly always the case, in response the company has been forced to add an idiot warning label to their machines. A spokesperson for Coke said that Canadian machines are now labeled with a warning that “tipping or rocking may cause injury or death.” They have also installed anti-theft devices in newer models to keep people from obtaining free drinks.

Vending machine warning sign. - Put there for idiots.
Vending machine warning sign. – Put there for idiots.


9 thoughts on “I’ve Heard Of Orange Crush, But This Is Ridiculous!

  1. In the South we have something called BroughtUpsie. You either have good broughtupsie or bad broughtupsie. Generally, someone who shakes soda machines to their death in would have had bad broughtupsie. This would be further validated by the fact the parents then sued the University, Coco-cola and two other companies, for money because they failed to bring up their child properly thus resulting in his death.

    Bad BroughtUpsie all around.

  2. I think the family should have sued Stick-Man because every time I see him he is doing something incredibly careless and dangerous such as walking in front of a bus, placing plastics bags over his head, or driving a tractor while intoxicated….and now tipping vending machines. Apparently that red circle with the diagonal line though it is not enough to stop Stick-Man from his path of reckless stupidity. Bring in the lawyers.

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