Another Edition Of Stupidity Is Legal

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

They tell me it’s Monday again. Where do the weeks go? Still, there isn’t much we can do about it but start the week with a bit of a laugh.

This is another selection from my “stupidity is legal” file. Some of these are so daft that they are bound to raise a chuckle or two. I hope so anyhow. And I also hope that there are no repeats from other post, although I cannot guarantee that. Even if you have read some of them before they are the kind of thing that can stand a second or third or fourth read without lessening the enjoyment too much.

Here we go.

 

 

Lawyer: Mrs. Smith, you do believe that you are emotionally unstable?

 

Witness: I used to be.

 

Lawyer: How many times have you committed suicide?

 

Witness: Four times.

 

– – – – – – – – – –

 

 

Lawyer: Were you acquainted with the deceased?

 

Witness: Yes, sir.

 

Lawyer: Before or after he died?

 

– – – – – – – – – –

 

 

Lawyer: You say you’re innocent, yet five people swore they saw you steal a watch.

 

Witness: Your Honor, I can produce 500 people who didn’t see me steal it.

 

– – – – – – – – – –

 

 

Lawyer: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?

 

Mr. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.

 

– – – – – – – – – –

 

 

Lawyer: At the time you first saw Dr. McCarty, had you ever seen him prior to that time?

 

– – – – – – – – – –

 

 

Lawyer: Did the lady standing at the driveway subsequently identify herself to you?

 

Witness: Yes, she did.

 

Lawyer: Who did she say she was?

 

Witness: She said she was the owner of the dog’s wife.

 

– – – – – – – – – –

 

 

Lawyer: Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to impact.

 

Witness: Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located at the immediate end of my right leg.

 

– – – – – – – – – –

 

 

Lawyer: You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

 

– – – – – – – – – –

 

 

Lawyer: “Sir, what is your IQ?”

 

Witness: “Well, I can see pretty well, I think.”

 

– – – – – – – – – –

 

 

Lawyer: “Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–”

 

Witness: “Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.”

 

– – – – – – – – – –

 

 

Lawyer: “What is your brother-in-law’s name?”

 

Witness: “Borofkin.”

 

Lawyer: “What’s his first name?”

 

Witness: “I can’t remember.”

 

Lawyer: “He’s been your brother-in-law for years, and you can’t remember his first name?”

 

Witness: “No. I tell you, I’m too excited.” (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) “Nathan, for heaven’s sake, tell them your first name!”

 

– – – – – – – – – –

 

 

Lawyer: “Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?”

 

Witness: “No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.”

 

– – – – – – – – – –

 

 

Lawyer: “What is your marital status?”

 

Witness: “Fair.”

 

– – – – – – – – – –

 

 

Lawyer: “Are you married?”

 

Witness: “No, I’m divorced.”

 

Lawyer: “And what did your husband do before you divorced him?”

 

Witness: “A lot of things I didn’t know about.”

 

– – – – – – – – – –

 

 

The Court: “Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.”

 

– – – – – – – – – –

 

 

Lawyer: “Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?”

 

Witness: “He didn’t offer me nothing. He just said I could have the furniture.”

 

– – – – – – – – – –

 

 

Lawyer: “So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?”

 

Witness: “I didn’t see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital.”

 

Lawyer: “It was covered?”

 

Witness: “Yes, bandaged.”

 

Lawyer: “Then, later on…what did you see?”

 

Witness: “I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head.”

 

– – – – – – – – – –

 

 

Lawyer: “The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn’t it? You too were shot in the fracas.”

 

Witness: “No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.”

 

===============

 

7 thoughts on “Another Edition Of Stupidity Is Legal

  1. I like it when people ask stupid questions, especially the ones who think they are smart and asking the ultimate truth-maker.
    Years ago my company posted a directive not to wear ‘tennis shoes’ to work. I was given a ‘write-up’ and I challenged it by saying those are not ‘tennis shoes.’ They are not made for tennis. They are sold and marketed as basketball shoes. I use them for basketball, mowing the grass, and walking from my car to my locker where I change into work shoes. They are never used for tennis. My company became very frustrated. I told them that is what happens when you make stupid rules. If good ideas should be challenged how much more should stupidity be challenged. Then out of the blue the plant mangager said, “If we challenged every stupid idea nothing around this place would get done. Let’s stop being so petty and stupid.”

    • I love the part “If we challenged every stupid idea nothing around this place would get done.” Is that an admission or what???
      Great comment, thanks.

    • Weekend was slow and quiet, too hot to do much. The 500 witnesses is a good one, I also like the lumbar region and witness who got shot between the fracas and the navel. Thanks for the comment.

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