My Morning In Bed With Derek!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


I haven’t been blogging for very long. But I have discovered by writing my own and by reading other peoples’ that they can have a way of letting you release some of the things you always wanted to say but never do in other ways. That’s a great thing. Very understated, but very important and a perhaps the best things that blogging is doing.

Thus here I am writing to the world at large (those of it who care to read this blog of course, let’s not get carried away) about the morning I spent in bed with Derek.

There you are. I’ve said it.


I suppose I might as well tell you the whole story.

Now I am ultra firmly in the heterosexual camp, always have been, and intend to remain there, but nevertheless I have to admit that that morning was truly one of the most exciting times I’ve ever had in bed with anyone. It was intense, to say the least!

At the time, I was nicely settled in a beautiful tropical isle, where the power of the internet and its easy communication applications has made it possible for me to spend a lot of time and still keep in touch with the big wide world out there.

One morning, it was a Saturday I think but that doesn’t really matter, I woke up late, around 9’ish, only to find Derek sitting at the bottom of my bed. How he got in I don’t know, but there he was. My eyes were still a bit out of focus, from sleeping, but I could tell he was a big fellow.

He didn’t say a word and neither did I. We just looked at each other, him sitting on the bed and me peeking out rather uncertainly from beneath the bed sheet.

It seemed as if we stayed that way for ages, locked in each other’s gaze.

Then after a while Derek made his move.

Slowly he began to make his way up the bed towards me.

I didn’t know what to do.

Should I also make a move? Or should I remain where I was?

I thought about pulling the bed sheet to one side to let my arms out, but I was afraid that I might inadvertently send the wrong signal to Derek. Would it appear too hostile, or too welcoming. Neither would be appropriate.

It was my first time in this position and my inexperience showed. I just was not sure what would be the right thing to do. Nobody teaches you these things at school. Nobody prepares you for the strange turns that life can sometimes take.

So I just lay there watching intently as Derek made his way up the bed, getting closer and closer to me. It was all done in complete silence.

When he was almost level with my face he stopped.

He turned slightly and stared into my eyes.

I stared into his.

There was something between us that was for sure, a kind of an intimate respect even though we didn’t know each other and in fact had never seen each other before.

I was about to pluck up enough courage to speak to him, but before I had the opportunity he looked away from me and began to move again.

Right up to the head of the bed.

And then on to the wall.


On to the wall?

Well, yes.

Derek was a tarantula spider, and a bloody big one!

The preceding episode had all been a bit like that scene in Dr No where the baddies put a tarantula in James Bond’s bed. Being James Bond, and licensed to kill, he beat the proverbial crap out of his. I just let Derek wander up the wall and on to the ceiling.

Despite the uncertain introduction I have to say that Derek and I became friends. He stayed on the ceiling, most of the time absolutely still, until he took a dart here and there to capture an insect. While he was doing that he was happy and so was I.

This went on for many days.

Then one day, just as mysteriously as he had arrived, he disappeared.

I never saw him again.

Sometimes I miss him!



This is Derek
This is Derek



And this is James Bond




11 thoughts on “My Morning In Bed With Derek!!!

  1. Fantastic story! (And yes, of course, it’s the first one I would check out!) One question though – with Derek hanging around your ceiling for days, how on Earth did you manage to sleep at night knowing he was there….above you….???

    Remind me one day to tell you the adventures of my night in bed with Babs (the brown recluse), only she and I didn’t get on nearly as well as you and Derek I’m afraid.

    • I knew it, I just knew that would be the first one you’d look at. Hope you weren’t too disappointed. 🙂
      Actually once we’d sized each other up and decided we weren’t gonna fight, we got on okay.

      And I’m looking forward to hearing ALL the details about you and Babs (mind racing ahead already 😉 )

      • I don’t know if I could sleep knowing he was in the room! As for Babs, I had no idea she was there…until I woke to find she had presented me with a gift; 4
        bites on my left arm. (and I hope YOU aren’t too disappointed!)

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