Been To The Gym Lately?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


I’m not a member of a gym and no doubt it shows. But although they might have benefits health and fitness wise they are a colossal waste of both money and time. Most people who have gym memberships are either idiots or social climbing idiots. A big statement that I’m sure does not apply to everybody but a big statement that everybody can apply to someone they know. Think about that.

Ever met the woman who has to employ someone to look after her children and clean her house because she hasn’t got the time because she has to go to the gym? If she did look after the kids and give them a bit of quality time and did the housework as well she would get just as much cardio vascular and muscular workout as she’ll ever get at the gym. And her family would be the better for it.

But shallow people like that think that being able to say to their friends I was at the gym last night is a lot more glamorous than saying I was playing with the kids or cleaning the house.

Men are just as bad, maybe sometimes even a bit worse and sadly a good part of it is vanity as in how they’ll look to other men, not women! Woah!

Invariably the gym thing all just a fad and eventually you stop going and your membership lapses.

That is, of course, unless you happen to be an idiot and live in Florida.

You see, a few years ago, this guy in Florida, decided to join a gym. In his own words he said the he thought, “the ridiculous membership fees and that ludicrous up front joining fee would make me workout so I wouldn’t waste the money.”

But it didn’t work out. Within weeks, like most everybody, he was coming up with all sorts of lame pathetic excuses not to go.

Now, if you are a reasonably normal person what happens next is that you stop going to the gym and you let your membership lapse. End of story.

If you are a moron, however, you decide that if money wouldn’t promote you to keep going to the gym, losing your life probably would. But this genius wasn’t talking about the fear of becoming unfit and getting a heart attack or something.

No siree, far to easy.

In an attempt to force himself into a healthy routine of exercise, this Florida dude hired a hit man to kill him if he failed to show up to any of his three weekly workouts for the next five years.

You have to hand it to him that the plan worked extremely well, maybe too well at times. Again in his own words, “There were some times that I truly would have preferred not to go, like that time I had bronchial asthmatic pneumonia. I’ve never had so much dark green mucus running down my face in my life, you should have seen that treadmill afterwards.”

Like most idiots do, he has tried to justify his moronic decision. “With all its ups and downs,” he says, “my only complaint lately is that what I originally thought were expensive gym fees have been over shadowed by the high cost of the hit man.”  

I don’t know whether this is going on or if the five years are already up, or even if this idiot was stupid enough to renew the ‘contract’ on himself.

But if you live in Florida and you know a guy who has been to the gym three times a week EVERY week for the past five years, do him a favor and don’t stick your hand in your inside jacket pocket as you walk up to him.

Now a couple of funny vids.


5 thoughts on “Been To The Gym Lately?

  1. OMG – I laughed out loud. BTW, I HATE the gym. I have a dog. But I must confess I also have a gym membership because in Texas it gets to 110 degrees…and I really might die walking the dog in that kind of weather. Ha! 🙂

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