“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


One of the bane’s of modern existence has to be telemarketers.

It’s a job, I suppose and everybody is entitled to earn a living.

But, like email spam, it is the quantity that gets to people and makes us angry. If we only got a telemarketing call now and again nobody would take umbrage, but getting them three or four times a week, and in some cases three or four times a day, it’s just too much for a body to take.

The cel phone companies used to be the worst offenders. They employed call centers in India or the Philippines or elsewhere, paid them a pittance and gave them a list of cel phone subscribers. And they called and they called and they called.

Maybe you’ve heard of the seven deadly sins or the seven ways to happiness. Well thanks to telemarketers I discovered that there are also seven phases that most people go through when this torture is inflicted upon them.


Phase 1 is the polite phase, when you take the call and politely decline their offer (that is, if you haven’t been conned into buying something).


Phase 2 is the not so polite phase, when you take the call and not so politely decline their offer.


Phase 3 is the beginning to get really irritated phase, when your politeness has all been used up.


Phase 4 is the angry phase, where you’ve switched completely from politeness to anger and mildly abusive replies.


Phase 5 is the very angry phase, where you shout and question both the intelligence and parentage of the unfortunate telemarketer on the other end of the phone.


Phase 6 is the just plain rude phase, this is the one where, if you had a beep machine, it would be working overtime and then some.


And finally there is Phase 7 which is the phase where you say nothing at all and just hang up.



If telemarketers calls are a persistent problem you often find yourself going from Phase 1 to Phase 4 within the same sentence. And occasionally you just answer the phone in Phase 6 mode, which is unfortunate if it’s just your old Auntie Mabel on the other end of the line.

But there is it.

Of course there is another way of doing it as a fellow called Tom Mabe demonstrated. I think his way is much better, certainly funnier. Have a listen – and I apologise profusely about the two idiots cackling and chuckling in the background. They’re almost as irritating as a telemarketing call, but their contribution was beyond my control.

As always, enjoy.



3 thoughts on “Telemarketers!!!

  1. This article is great. I couldn’t have said it better. Exactly the same sentiment I have as a consumer. I wouldn’t get mad if it’s one or two calls every few days. I can definitely handle that. But if it’s already 3-6 calls EVERY day, it’s already irritating. And I don’t see how they’d sell if they’d only annoy their buyers.

    And I became a great fan of Tom Mabe because of his pranks. under normal circumstances, I’d hate a person become the center of a prank. But with the telemarketers, I enjoy it. I figured, if you can’t ask them nicely to stop calling, annoy them instead. And I have a lot tricks I got from Quite funny!

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