Starting: What Jamaican Astronomers Look At.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Starting with a star ting must mean it’s Pun Day.

Another selection of word plays for you to ….

Enjoy or endure!

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Sadly, the man who invented

the raffle has passed away.

R.I.P Tom Bola.

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I’ve been merciless with my French class.

I get no thanks.

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I was standing on soft ground

but I didn’t realize at first

because it took a while to sink in.

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If you give a physicist to a cannibal,

he’ll eat Faraday.

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I’ve read ‘Plumbing For Dummies’ twice and

I still haven’t got a clue what I’m doing.

I guess it’s going to take another

few reads before this sinks in.

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If your dad had a sex change,

would he be your transparent.

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Chinese censors are trying to

ban the use of puns in the media.

This is the wong move, and I hope

Western governments don’t panda to it.

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I’m beginning to see loads of second

hand shops opening up in my area.

Surely selling the complete clock

would be more profitable???

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I just built a huge tower of books.

It had to be like 50 stories.

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When David Rockefeller was asked to make

a contribution to the American conservation movement,

he planted two Bushes in the White House.

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Have you seen the new

’30 minutes or it’s free’

cocaine home delivery service?

They call it Instagram.

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My boyfriend took me out in his new Ferrari last night,

and spent the whole time going on about acceleration,

power-to-weight ratios, handling and braking efficiency,

before dropping me at home and zooming off into the night. 

Frankly, I was hoping for less torque and more action.

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I went to the doctor because

of my morbid fear of breasts.

He said I’m suffering from

aracknophobia.

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I met this dwarf called Peter the other day,

he’s a baker and he was telling

me all about baking flatbreads,

it was fascinating.

I love to hear the

Pita patter of tiny Pete.

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Music puns,

Not everyone can Handel them…

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Did You Know? – It’s Fact Finding Day.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, another fact finding day here at the fasab blog.

Hope you find something of interest in this random selection.

Enjoy.

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There are two credit cards for

every person in the United States.

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There are more confirmed deaths from

drowning in molasses than from coyote attacks.

(21 people died in the 1919 Boston Molasses Disaster.

Only 2 fatal coyote-on-human attacks have been confirmed)

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A full head of human hair is

strong enough to support 12 tons.

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The deepest natural cave is the Krubera Cave, in Georgia;

it is the only known cave on Earth that is deeper than 2,000 meters.

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The deepest man made point is the TauTona Mine in Southern Africa

which at its deepest point is nearly 4,000 meters

beneath the surface of the Earth.

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Emus cannot walk backwards.

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Herbert Hoover’s son had two pet alligators,

which were occasionally permitted to

run loose throughout the White House.

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Stalin hated his son Yakov so much

that when he failed to commit suicide by shooting himself

Stalin’s only comment was that

“He can’t even shoot straight.”

During the war Yakov was captured by the Nazis and

Stalin refused to trade any soldiers to bring him back.

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Both writer Edgar Allen Poe and LSD advocate

Timothy Leary were kicked out of West Point.

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When a coffee seed is planted,

it takes five years to yield it’s first consumable fruit.

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If you had a long enough straw,

you could only suction water upwards the length of 10 meters.

After that water spontaneously boils

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There are only three animals with blue tongues,

the Black Bear, the Chow Chow dog

and the blue-tongued lizard.

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In 1973 the world’s most isolated tree

 – in the middle of the Sahara Desert –

was struck and killed by a drunk driver.

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Naugahyde, plastic “leather”

was created in Naugatuck, Connecticut.

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In every show that Tom Jones and

Harvey Schmidt (The Fantasticks) wrote,

there is at least one song about rain.

(Couldn’t find a decent link for that. This is better.)

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It’s The Day You All Look Forward To – Pun Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Well, maybe not ‘all’ of you. But some people like them.

Here are a few more.

Enjoy or endure!

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I just learned the other day that a violin

is comprised of seventy separate pieces of wood.

It must be a fiddly job putting it all together!

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I named my car flattery.

It gets me nowhere.

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I got depressed when I lost my job at the Apple factory.

“Have you been taking any tablets?” asked the doctor.

“Yeah. Why do you think I got fired?”

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I’ve started a band called ‘Nostalgia’.

If we don’t make it, at least people will remember us fondly.

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My wife planted some seeds in the garden a while back

and just recently they’ve pushed through the soil.

She said to me today, “What do you think they are?”

“I don’t know,” I replied.  

“But they’ve definitely grown hyacinth we last looked at them.”

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I hopped on a bus today.

After five minutes, the driver told me to sit down.

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Just had to close my new restaurant down.

It was called “Mexican Tortilla”.

I just kept getting calls from language students…

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As I sat cleaning my rifle, my wife nagged,

“I think you love that gun more than me.”

“Are you even listening to me?” she asked.

“Yes, deer,” I replied.

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I’ll never forget my first love.

She took me outside and showed me the garden.

She then showed me the hole, at the bottom of her garden.

Full of water.

“Throw in a coin and make a wish.” She said.

So I did.

I remember her well.

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I started a business selling life support machines

but I’m on the verge of going bust.

Ironically, I’ve got to pull the plug.

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A psychic told me how to get more friends on Facebook,

and it worked!

What a great social medium.

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I tried to do a computer course

but I couldn’t hack it

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Just got back from the ‘Free Pussy Riot’ march.

Not what I was expecting,

apparently they’re some Russian band.

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Contrary to popular belief Owls are not wise,

they’re stupid and illiterate.

It’s “Tu Whit Tu WHOM!”

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“It’s nice to be served by somebody English for a change,”

I said to the waitress in a café.

“These days most of you are foreign and don’t understand a word I say. For instance…”

“For instance, what?” said the waitress, after a long pause.

“Four instant coffees, please.”

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