"Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy"
“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
.
Time to relax for the weekend.
Here are a few funny animal fotos to help.
Some are natural shots, others have been helped a little with human input but I hope you find most of them amusing.
Enjoy.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Foreclosure!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
==========================================
.
“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
.
Yes, pun day again. For all of you who love (and hate) puns or word play.
Today we are starting off on the topical subject of employment, but there are plenty of other subjects that get the pun treatment as well.
Enjoy (even if you are pretending not to).
.
.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory,
but I got canned
I just couldn’t concentrate.
.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack,
but I just couldn’t hack it,
so they gave me the axe.
.
After that I tried to be a tailor,
but I just wasn’t suited for it.
The job was only so-so anyhow.
.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory,
but that was exhausting.
.
I wanted to be a barber,
but I just couldn’t cut it.
.
I attempted to be a deli worker,
but any way I sliced it,
I couldn’t cut the mustard.
.
My best job was being a musician,
but eventually I found I wasn’t note worthy.
.
I studied a long time to become a doctor,
but I didn’t have any patience.
.
Next was a job in a shoe factory;
but it just wasn’t the right fit.
.
I became a professional fisherman,
but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.
.
I thought about becoming a witch,
so I tried that for a spell.
.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company,
but the work was just too draining.
.
After many years of trying to find steady work,
I finally got a job as a historian,
until I realized there was no future in it.
.
My last job was working at Starbucks,
but I had to quit,
because it was always the same old grind.
.
If you get sick at the airport
you may have a terminal illness.
.
Peter won’t fly on virgin airlines
he says he won’t go with anything
that doesn’t go all the way!
.
You may be an American outside the bathroom,
but inside, European.
.
.
Do you know any puns about electricity?
About watt?
.
A woman asked me for an example of a double entendre
…. so I gave her one….
.
==============================
.
“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
.
If you run a business, especially one that involves selling to the public, then the one thing you really want is a memorable stand out sign to advertise your location.
But… and it’s a big BUT.. you want them to be memorable and stand out for the right reasons.
How do you think this lot did?
Enjoy.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
==============================================
.
“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
.
Now and again people have said to me, “You need help.” And I’m not just talking about people who read this blog. They mean it in a caring way I’m sure and indeed there are occasions when a little help would be very welcome.
This is especially so in business. In these cases you are even willing to pay for that help, but you still have the problem of letting people know that you have a job for them.
So what do you do?
You advertise the available positions, of course.
Sounds easy?
Well, for most of us it is. For the intellectually challenged not so much.
Take a look at this lot below and you’ll see what I mean.
Enjoy!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
===========================================
.
“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
.
In case the title didn’t give it away, today is pun day!
Hurrah and enjoy!!
But first a quick medical alert….
.
.
Medical Alert:
When you play golf iron deficiencies
can lead to a risk of increased strokes.
.
.
I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from.
Then it dawned on me.
.
.
I was devastated when my girlfriend left me for a dwarf.
I never thought she would stoop so low
.
.
“I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,”
said Tom heartlessly
.
.
Ever wonder why the person who invented the door knocker
wasn’t awarded a No-bell prize.
.
.
I walked down a street where the houses were numbered
64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.
That was a trip down memory lane.
.
.
If anyone ever says to you that they’ve lost their voice,
They’re lying.
.
.
Tires are fixed for a flat rate.
.
.
If you suffer from kleptomania,
should you take something for it?
.
.
I’ve taken up a part time course in counterfeiting.
I’m forging ahead.
.
.
I broke up with my girlfriend last night.
It happened on the forecourt of a gas station.
Very emotional breakup.
She was in tears and I was filling up….
.
.
The latest market research shows a growing trend
for eating high-fibre cereal for breakfast,
with the result that people are experiencing
greater regularity in their bowel movements.
With trends like that,
who needs enemas?
.
.
Did you hear about the bird that sat on an axe?
It was trying to hatchet
.
.
A boy came into the house with a sofa on his back.
His mother said,
“How many times have I told you not to accept suites from strangers!?”
.
.
I was watching a tv program about the people in Holland who make their traditional clogs?
I thought, I’d like to try that
Wooden shoe?
.
.
A fishing boat is working the North Sea, when suddenly it starts shipping water.
It puts out a Mayday message:
“Help! Help! We are sinking!”
A few minutes back the reply comes through:
“Zis is ze German coastguard. Vot are you sinking about?”
.
.
.
I’ve eaten steak tartar,
but only on rare occasions
.
.
un oeuf is enough as they say in France!
.
.
My laptop is broken.
It just keeps playing “Skyfall” over and over again.
Probably because it’s a Dell.
.
.
================================
.
“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
.
A slight break from the usual today.
Never one to hide from controversy, I want to open up a discussion on a subject that has over the years been debated intensely but never proved conclusively.
Let me set the scene.
One of the most enduring characters on television has to be Lieut. Columbo, the short, disheveled, cheap cigar smoking, eccentric detective of that name, who by persistence, dogged investigation of the clues and a deceptive intelligence, always managed to get his man, or his woman.
Now I know you could have driven Columbo’s beat up Peugeot through some of the holes in the plot lines, but that aside, Peter Falk’s unique interpretation and portrayal of the character always made for enjoyable TV watching. Even the repeats, of which there have been many over the past three decades or so.
There’s no argument, or there shouldn’t be, as to Falk’s acting ability. Although known by a lot of people only as Columbo, he also played many other roles both on the big screen and on television.
But Falk also had a disability. He lost an eye due to a childhood disease and as a result for most of his life he wore a glass eye.
And that gets us to the great debate I was telling you about in the intro to this post.
In the Columbo series, there is nothing in the scripts that indicates that Lieut. Columbo had been injured as a policeman or in an accident.
So the big question is, as Lieut. Columbo, was Falk’s glass eye a glass eye, or was it a glass eye playing the part of a real eye?
I used to think that we were the only people whose minds were warped enough to think up a question like this, but apparently others have been asking the same question and I have even on one occasion heard the subject mentioned on TV.
So what is the answer?
Do you know, or do you have an opinion one way or the other?
If you have, please let me know. There are already far too many uncertainties in the world at the moment. One less would help things along greatly!
Thanks.
.
=============================
.
“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
.
Today we have the final selection in our look at some Church signs that went the way of the failed classifieds.
See if you can pick out the ones that didn’t quite turn out as the author probably intended.
Enjoy.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
=========================================
.
“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
.
My blog friend Frank over at A Frank Angle came up with the idea of doing a post based on an alphabetical listing of a selection of his previous posts. An interesting idea and a good way to introduce more recent readers to some of the things they might otherwise have missed.
Of course, Frank couldn’t leave it at that, so he threw out a challenge for others to try to do the same for their blogs. And guess who couldn’t resist the challenge!
So here you are, for new and long term readers of this blog, a alphabetical journey through some of the files of Fasab!
Enjoy.
.
.
A is for….
Awkward Moments, (Part One, Part Two and Part Three), a short series of amusing anecdotes of times when things didn’t go quite right.
.
B is for….
Banksters, one of my perpetual hate figures and the subject of numerous rants such as this one
Are The Banksters Guilty Of Treason Against The Nation?
.
C is for….
Classifieds, a long running series of funny classified ads that turned out rather differently to the original intent, for example Part Three and Part Fourteen
And also for factoids about Chocolate and Coffee which people seemed to enjoy
.
D is for….
Dogs. I make no secret of the fact that I am very fond of dogs, and German Shepherds in particular. You won’t get a better or more loyal companion and friend. I’ve done several doggie posts, this one has been the most popular,
Sometimes Dogs Know More Than We Give Them Credit For
And for Dear Abbey, no blog like this would be complete without a few letters from Joe Public seeking advice for some of their most disturbing problems.
.
E is for….
Education, the lack of, as evidenced by these student exam answers, Part One and Part Two
And also for Emergency Room, some amusing anecdotes from the medical world.
.
F is for….
Facebook, in particular the disastrous launch of the company on to the stock market which inspired the longest alliterated blog post title so far
.
G is for….
The Great Escape, a short story aout an intrepid group of construction workers held hostage by Saddam Hussein before the outbreak of the first war with Iraq
And also for a Glass Of Milk being raised in tribute to Samuel J Porcello, the man who made Oreos what they are today.
.
H is for….
Has to be for The Late Great Mr Harry Meadows, an old fellow whose efforts to spice up life in an English nursing home didn’t quite work out as intended.
.
I is for….
I Miss Him, and I Miss Him Two, a nostalgic look back at some of the wonderful statements of President George W Bush.
.
J is for….
The Journey, an eight part story of an eventful and amusing journey from Dublin, Ireland to the Caribbean, by way of Miami, Florida. This was one of the first things I wrote for this blog and published before there was much viewing traffic
Dublin Airport, - Reconfigured And Stuck, - The Three Hour Stopover, - What Color Was It? - Just A Trip To The Mall, – Miami Twice, Lost In That Is, – Bags And Bags And Bags Of Bother, and Finally, I Made It!
‘
K is for….
Korea, my take on the current posturing and politics concerning North and South Korea,
Is Obama Making A Bad Korea Move?
.
L is for….
A Long Love Affair, a short story about my own geeky love affair with computers during the past few decades.
And for Lost In The Fog, a short story about Tommy who managed to get completely lost in the field beside his house.
.
M is for….
The MilPost Blog Award, another thing inspired by Frank who was the first blogger to receive this prestigious award only given to those few bloggers who have posted 1,000 times or more on their blog. If you know of anyone who is eligible to receive it please let me know.
.
N is for….
Numbers, an on going series of factoids about numbers and their meanings and associations, that has surprised me in the numbers of people viewing them. So far the most popular number is Twenty-Three 23.
.
O is for….
One Small Step For Man, a tribute on hearing of the death of Neil Armstrong the first man to set foot on the Moon. There are differing views on how Mr Gorsky fared, but I hope he did okay!
.
P is for….
No, you’re all wrong. P is for my loving tribute to the wonderful invention knows as Peanut Butter.
.
Q is for….
Quiz Show Answers, a very funny and long running series about the dumb answers given by contestants on various TV and radio quizzes over the years. Like this for example,
It’s Monday And That Means Some More Quiz Show Answers
.
R is for….
Revenge Of The First Graders, part of a short series of guess the logo quizzes, apparently kids can recognize about 200 of these by the time they are ready for the first grade!
.
S is for….
Stupidity, one of the foundation stones of this blog. No one is immune, especially not politicians and lawyers.
.
T is for….
Tarzan and Travel Agents, both of whom made an appearance on the fasab blog.
.
U is for….
US Politics And Foreign Policy For Dummies, sometimes it takes a kid to show us how absurd the world of adults really is!
And ‘U’ is for Up, as in People Hardly Ever Look Up, Sometimes They Should!
.
V is for….
Versatile Blogger Award. Actually that should be ‘awards’ the first nomination from Alex way back when this blog was barely two months old, and subsequently from Sunny and Wendy. The Fasab blog has also been nominated for the Illuminating Blogger Award (Kenton), Sunshine Award (Wendy again) and the Kreative Blogger Award (Nabdip). My sincere thanks to everyone who though this blog worthy of nomination and I will get round to doing a proper awards page I promise.
.
W is for….
Word Play. Yes, you were right, just in the wrong place. I like puns and they feature almost every week somewhere in my blog. So like them, or hate them, or like to hate them, or even hate to like them, you’re sure to find some here.
Word Play, Bad Jokes, Whatever You Call Them They’re Still Pun To Me
It’s Thursday And That Means Another Excuse For A Few More Bad Jokes
.
X is for….
X-rated, a steamy tension filled post about My Morning In Bed With Derek. Read it if you dare!
.
Y is for….
Your Country Needs You, a story about a friend’s unusual introduction to the military world.
And You’re Too Stupid To Own A Computer, about pc owners and technical helplines!
.
Z is for….
Zero, there are no ‘Z’ posts on this blog, unless the ones that put you to sleep reading them!
I suppose I could have used some of the quiz or puzzle posts, but that’s a bit of a cop out.
I hope this means that Fasab has yet to reach its zenith.
.
.
So that’s it, the Fasab A – Z. Feel free to click any or all of the links that take your fancy, and, as always, enjoy!
.
Frank has asked me to remind everyone that no nominations are required to take part in the A2Z challenge, so why not have a go. It’s a bit of work, but fun too, and it gives you the excuse to look over some of your old posts.
The details are on Frank’s blog. To go there, click here!
.
=================================
.
“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
.
What was that? Whiteboards are remarkable?
Yes, another pun day awaits below.
Enjoy!
.
.
My New Zealand girlfriend said that
she was falling in love with my rubbish puns,
so I asked her to maori me.
.
.
My boss said I couldn’t park my monster truck in the work car park.
So I went over her head.
.
.
When my grandfather passed away,
I had his ashes kept in an old bottle of vodka.
I know he’s not here right now,
but he’s with me in spirit.
.
.
Feminism is sooooo cute.
.
.
My wife also left me because of my constant animal puns.
She just couldn’t Bear it…
So she Swanned off…
And took the Kids…
Well at least I no longer have to listen to her bleating on…
.
.
I rang the local ramblers club yesterday.
The bloke at the other end went on and on and on.
.
.
Some say a world without sin is ideal,
but there are only so many problems which can be answered
with cos and tan.
.
.
The worst pub I’ve ever been to was called The Fiddle.
It really was a vile inn.
.
.
If you’re always organizing things, you have OCD.
If you’re always eating things, you have OBCD.
.
.
This girl came up to me today and
said she recognized me from vegetarian club.
I was confused, I’d never met herbivore.
.
.
How did I get out of Iraq?
Iran.
.
.
I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length.
Must be some kind of milestone.
.
.
I’m not a competitive person…
I’ll be the first to admit it.
.
.
Me and my friend have just been fighting
over which is the best vowel.
I won.
.
.
Iron man.
What a Fe male.
.
.
Today, I walked into a restaurant.
“Hi, is my table ready?”
“No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?”
“No, that’s okay.”
“Great, take these to table six then.”
.
.
What should you say when you see one of the toddlers
on the Intensive Care Unit is playing with a toy donkey?
ICU baby, shaking that ass.
.
.
===============================
.
“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
.
This is a story about the unexpected. It is set in a military context because that is how it actually happened. The names have been changed to protect the innocent, or perhaps in this case, to hide their embarrassment. But the story is true.
It happened many years ago in a land far, far away.
To set the scene, six men had managed to infiltrate into enemy territory and so were operating behind enemy lines. It was a dangerous place to be, of that there was no doubt. Any trace of them being uncovered would have meant capture by the opposing forces and at the very least a spell in prison – and probably a lot worse.
So the underlying tension was real and obvious. Everyone was on edge, always ready for the unexpected.
.
Of course, when I say, ‘always ready for the unexpected’, as well as being a bit of cliché, it is also a silly expression.
What you are really ready for when you think you are ready for the ‘unexpected’, are things that you ‘expect’ may happen. In this case that might have meant a civilian passing by ‘unexpectedly’, or an unscheduled enemy military patrol suddenly surfacing in the vicinity.
All of these things were the ‘unexpected’ that they were expecting might possibly happen and were ready for in so far as they had contingency plans made.
.
Back to the story.
The six men were split into three groups of two. They were dressed in civilian clothes, as workmen, so as not to look out of place should anyone see them when they were traveling to and from their destination.
Their task was to rendezvous at a certain predetermined point, groups two and three liaising with two sets of local people who they would lead to the meeting point. The task of the first group was to check out and secure the meeting place, and to open an entry point for the others.
The area that had been chosen was in a large fenced and gated complex that had been more or less abandoned. The lead group, who had acquired a non descript car, went directly there to check out the area and then to open a way in for the others who needed to be able to drive straight in and out of sight of the road when they arrived at the appointed hour.
The two men in the lead group arrived in good time and without challenge or incident. They made sure there was nothing out of the ordinary in the general area and then proceeded to the entry point.
As a cover for what they were really doing, one of the men started to prepare a lunch – just coffee and sandwiches – that he had brought with him. Carefully, and where anyone could see them, he laid out the lunch boxes on the roof of the car, along with a flask and two plastic cups. They were simple workers who had stopped for a bite to eat and anyone passing by would be able to see clearly what they were doing. Nothing out of the ordinary or suspicious about that.
The other guy in the team, using the cover of the parked car, was busy removing the lock and chains from the gate, which he managed to do quickly and without any difficulty.
Although the whole thing had an air of calm and normality, the two men knew where they were and the risks involved and were therefore suitably tense as a result.
The guy drinking the coffee and eating the sandwich was doing so whilst keeping a careful watch on everything happening around him, including how his colleague was fairing with the gate.
Then the unexpected, unexpected unexpectedly happened.
As his colleague opened the gate it made a few creaking noises, but it opened okay and he began to push it back to leave the way open for the others who would soon be arriving in their vans.
Just as the gate reached 90 degrees from its closed position, suddenly, without any warning whatever, there was a loud rustling noise in the long grass behind it.
The guy standing beside it froze.
The unexpected he had been trained to expect was an enemy soldier secreted in the long grass waiting to ambush him and his colleague. But this was something else.
Again before he had time to react, whatever it was bounded out of the grass, first directly towards him and then making an almost instant left turn and disappearing. The suddenness of the movement towards him made him start. He lost his balance and fell backwards on to the ground, his unusual movement startling his colleague at the car.
There was coffee everywhere but in the cups, and sandwiches everywhere but in the lunchbox, as guy number two instinctively abandoned his meal and took cover behind the car, reaching for his weapon at the same time.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” the man at the gate told him urgently, but in a loud whisper, scared that he would open fire and alert anyone within hearing distance.
“WTF is it?” the man at the car asked back, equally urgently, in an equally loud whisper.
“I don’t know, an animal, just an animal,” came the reply. “I think it was a hare or something like that.”
“FFS you idiot, you scared the shit out of me, and I damn nearly shot at whatever it was. How could you fall on your ass because of a hare?”
There was no reply. None was needed. Time was pressing and they soon gathered their wits again – and what was left of the sandwiches.
Soon the others arrived. The rest of the mission, whatever it was, went without further incident and when it was done they all left as if they had never been there.
Even the best trained men and the best laid plans can never cater for the truly unexpected, unexpected.
And in case you are wondering, the answer is ‘Yes’, from that day on the poor bloke was subjected to ‘hare on his ass’ jokes – which I suppose was to be expected!
.
============================================
.
