Posts Tagged ‘drunk’

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes it’s time for another day filled with those fun facts that we all like to read.

And they’ll come in handy when you least expect it, as one or two people have already found out.

So learn and enjoy!

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In the 1800s feeding lobster to prisoners

was considered to be ‘a cruel and unusual punishment,

like making people eat rats’.

lobster-thermidor

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Mosquitos are more attracted to the color blue than any other color.

mosquito-hunter

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The Guinness Book of Records holds the record

for being the book most often stolen from Libraries.

guinness-world-records-2013-book_0

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In Albania,

nodding your head means ‘no’

and shaking your head means ‘yes’.

opposite-day

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You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.

How unique is that?

birthday

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In India, Pajamas are accepted as standard daytime wearing apparel.

kurta-pajama

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A female oyster produces 100 million young in her lifetime;

the typical hen lays 19 dozen eggs a year;

rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants;

and it is possible for one female cat to be responsible for the birth of 20,736 kittens in four years.

kittens

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The greatest officially recorded number of children born to one mother is 69,

to the wife of Feodor Vassilyev (b. 1707–c.1782), a peasant from Shuya, Russia.

In 27 confinements she gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets and four sets of quadruplets.

Only two of the children failed to survive their infancy.

69-children-born-to-one-woman

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750ml of blood pumps through your brain every minute

which is 15-20% of blood flow from the heart.

brain

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The February of 1865 and 1999 are the only months

in recorded history not to have a full moon.

moon

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It has been estimated that at any one time

around 0.7% of the world’s population is drunk.

Cheers!

Cartoon_Drunk

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The name Jeep comes from “GP”,

the army abbreviation for General Purpose.

jeep

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Baby Ruth candy bar was named after Grover Cleveland’s daughter, Ruth,

not the baseball player.

baby-ruth-logo

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Elwood Edwards did the voice for the AOL sound files

(i.e. “You’ve got Mail!”).

Elwood Edwards

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55.1% of all US prisoners are in prison for drug offenses.

prisoners

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Sherlock Holmes NEVER said ‘Elementary, my dear Watson!’

Holmes does use the word ‘elementary’ in The Crooked Man (1894)

but ‘Elementary, my dear Watson’ itself was coined 21 years later

by P.G. Wodehouse in his novel Psmith, Journalist (1915).

However, Holmes did ejaculate several times, as did Watson and others.

In fact, there are 23 ejaculations in total, with 11 belonging to Watson and 6 to Holmes.

On one occasion, Holmes refers to Watson’s ‘ejaculations of wonder’ being invaluable;

on another, Watson ejaculates ‘from his very heart’ in the direction of his fiancée.

A chap called Phelps ejaculated three times during the story of The Naval Treaty.

The only other ejaculator is Mrs St Clair’s husband,

who ejaculates at her from a second-floor window!

Paget_holmes

It is not clear whether it is Holmes or Watson who ejaculates in the passage below,

taken from “The Man with the Twisted Lip”, 1891:

“So he sat as I dropped off to sleep, and so he sat when a sudden ejaculation caused me to wake up,

and I found the summer sun shining into the apartment. The pipe was still between his lips,

the smoke still curled upward, and the room was full of a dense tobacco haze,

but nothing remained of the heap of shag which I had seen upon the previous night.”

Isn’t the English Language wonderful.

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A continuation from last week when we looked at stupid questions about stupid things asked by stupid people, who seem to get worried about the most inconsequential trivia.

As with last week’s warning, don’t try to analyze these, you’ll just get a headache!

Enjoy!

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If men and women have hair in all the same places, why do we bother shaving?

salma-hayek-as-the-bearded-lady

Are there any longitudinal studies of the development of honesty in children?

longtitudinal studies

What should not be found in urine?

urine sample

Has anyone ever experienced the ‘White light’ sensation?

white light

How do you get rid of the smell of Skunk from your hunting clothes?

skunked

Can you get drunk from eating pickled eggs and if so, is it socially acceptable in Alsaka?

pickled eggs

Is beer more harmful than the wine?

beer-vs-wine

Is the name Greyanne is the most popular name in the world?

greyanne_by_raeraychan

What are the effects of “sex” on human body?

contradictions

What are rights of parents?

Parents rights cartoon

Why don’t woodpeckers get concussions?

Woody Woodpecker

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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On 1st April 2001, in New York, a literary agent, named Frank, found himself dazed and patting out flames shortly after arriving at a two-alarm house fire equipped with a sandwich, a bullhorn, whiskey and a lawnchair.

megaphone

The trouble started when Frank climbed on to the roof of a nearby house, perched on his lawnchair, and proceeded to lecture the startled emergency crew while enjoying his drink.

Three firemen had just finished clearing the house, locating the residents’ young golden retriever in the process, when they heard Frank’s imperious command.

“Drop the dog and open the hydrant this instant!”

They turned in surprise and in fact did drop the unfortunate yelping puppy, which fell through the burning timbers and burst into flames.

Outraged onlookers then mobbed the base of heckler Frank’s house and threw cans and shrubbery at the obstreperous critic, who batted the projectiles aside with his bullhorn while continuing to drink whiskey and issue commands, including…

“The north side is engaged!”

“Position the hose along the azalea bushes!”

“Stop picking your nose!”

Sorely provoked, the senior fireman, currently on administrative leave, picked up the dead (but still burning) dog and flung it onto the roof where Frank was barking out his commands.

firefighter

The flaming animal landed in Frank’s lap, igniting his spilled whiskey and severely burning his man-part area.

Frank heaved the dog off himself, but neglected to brace his feet on the slanted roof. He and the lawnchair toppled and fell from the house, miraculously avoiding onlookers, who watched aghast while the prostrate man suffered further injuries from falling embers and his own roof-top accoutrements.

man falling

The house fire was eventually subdued, and paramedics transported the injured man and his loudspeaker to the hospital. Although he is recovering from his injuries, the prognosis is that he will never again be able to procreate with quite the same gusto, which is probably a blessing for the rest of humanity.

Neighbors have set up a Memorial Fund for the golden retriever. Apparently photographs of the man-shaped depression in the lawn are available upon request.

Sometimes being frank can lead to trouble!

 

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

I did a post a while ago about how I hate thieves (I still do). Well, me being me, there are others on my hate list too. It isn’t a long list but one prominent group on it is drunk drivers.

There is a simple rule that everyone should follow.

If you want to drink don’t drive and if you want to drive don’t drink.

There are no gray areas.

Don’t think you can follow stupid rules made by stupid bureaucrats. There are no minimum amounts that suit everybody. Drink is like shoes, people take different sizes. I know some people who could drink a bottle of vodka and you wouldn’t even know they’d had a drink. And I know people who if they even sniffed the open bottle would be on their way to being drunk. This has a lot to do with the body’s size, metabolism, how much alcohol it can cope with and in what timescale and so forth.

But it also has to do with the person’s psychological make up too. Some people will get drunk just because they think they should be drunk. Not because they actually are.

You know the type, people who run about like headless chickens if they drink a can of Red Bull even though there’s just about the same amount of caffeine in it as in a cup of tea or coffee. What they’ve really done is swallow the advertising hype as well as the Red Bull. Personally I think it’s lovely stuff, but I’m able to down a couple of tins and still go straight to sleep.

I’ve actually tried an experiment to prove my point. One night at a party at my house I gave real beer to most of the people and alcohol free beer to a couple of the others (without telling them of course). You can guess what happened. Yes, the people who were drinking the non alcoholic beer got just as drunk and had just as good a time as everyone else, and they probably had hangovers to prove it the next morning!

But getting back to drinking and driving, or rather drinking and not driving, I have seen one or two macho morons drinking away and driving away and doing it quite publicly. That’s their real reason of course, doing it publicly. If you are intellectually challenged you imagine that the stupider things you do makes you the bigger man. Truly it doesn’t.

I have also seen one of these morons plough into another car and severely injure some poor innocents, which is very sad. And I’ve also seen the remnants of a car that another moron drove into a tree while drunk. He killed himself, and quite frankly that isn’t so sad at all.

There are a couple of videos below just to prove the dangers, if you want to look at them, but first I’ll end with the inevitable joke.

Enjoy!

 

“I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving. 

As you well know, some people have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I’ve never done before.

I took a bus home.

Sure enough there were police checks, but they waved the bus through without a problem.

I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise.

I’ve have never driven a bus before and I’m not even sure where I got it.”

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Now for the videos.

I haven’t included any gory stuff. You all get the point and if you want to research the subject there are a number of videos on youtube.com.

The first I have selected shows a drunk trying to park a car. If one hasn’t the coordination to do something as simple as that when drunk, imagine how much control there would be on the road, particularly in a critical situation.

The second video is a bit long but shows another drunk weaving back and forth across the road (albeit with a rather irritating commentary from the cameraman,  sorry about that). But the drunk gets his just desserts in the end and only injures himself.