“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

They say ignorance is bliss and to a great extent I think that is correct.

I’m not sure you could say puns are bliss, but some of us seem to enjoy them, and for those who do here are some more.

Enjoy or endure.

.

rofl

.

I’ve trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine.

It’s a Bordeaux collie.

Bordeaux collie

.

.

My friend asked me to get him a job at the opticians.

He knew I had the contacts.

contact lenses

.

.

I’ve just opened a shoe shop.

So far I’ve successfully kept everyone away from it.

empty shoe shop

.

.

I applied for a job in Australia

I think I have the necessary koalafications.

koalafications

.

.

During a spelling test, our teacher told us to write down ‘to capitalize’.

That one was too easy I thought, as I wrote ‘I I’.

spelling test1

.

.

I used to smoke Benson & Hedges, but then I changed brands.

It’s all been Dunhill from there.

Dunhill

.

.

I just bought a Swiss car.

It runs like clockwork,

but I can’t figure out how to get it out of neutral.

clockwork car

.

.

I’ve decided to make money writing dieting books.

I’m told they appeal to a very wide audience.

diets-dieters-diet_books

.

.

I laid flowers for mother at the wrong tombstone.

It was a grave mistake.

wrong tombstone

.

.

An apostrophe is the difference between

a business that should know its shit,

and a business that should know it’s shit.

apostrophe

.

.

A few people are complaining about the new

lightning conductor at the concert hall.

A lot of the orchestra can’t keep up with him.

Conductor

.

.

I fixed my wife up with a new job the other day

– as a human cannonball.

She went ballistic!

human cannonball

.

.

I made a hotel out of little cheesy biscuits.

It’s not exactly the Ritz.

Ritz crackers

.

.

I went to the doctor feeling ill and he said

“Lie down and cover yourself in salt.”

“How will that help?” I asked.

“Don’t know,” he said. “But in a week’s time you’ll be cured”.

curing salt

.

.

Deleted scene from Alien:

“I can’t open the milk!”

“In space, no-one can. Here, use cream.”

alien_1979_tom_skerritt_sigourney_weaver

.

===========================================

-

Comments
  1. coastalcrone says:

    I endured as usual! I liked the one about apostrophes but the one about the shoe store…really! Have a good weekend!

Comments are welcome. If you would like to make one on this post this is the place to do it.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s