Archive for May, 2014

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Mayday? No emergency here, unless you are allergic to bad jokes.

Coz it’s Pun Day again!

Enjoy or endure.

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rofl

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I’m in dispute with my TV program supplier

as they’re trying to charge me for my satellite dish.

I’m sure they told me it would be on the house.  

satellite dish on the house

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My favourite pick up line…

‘Pick that up’        

Pick that up

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Breaking News:

“UN-Staffed office bombed”

Phew, just as well there was no-one there then.      

empty-office

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Today, I saw a sign at a picture framing shop that said,

“Shoot the family, hang the kids, frame the wife.”

Don’t photographers have a dark sense of humour?

picture framing shop

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My New Year’s resolution is to save

enough money to buy a Velcro wall.

And I plan on sticking to it. 

Velcro wall

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God is talking to one of his angels. He says,

“Boy, I just created a 24-hour period of

alternating light and darkness on Earth.”

“What are you going to do now?” asks the angel.

“Call it a day,” says God.

good-day

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I came downstairs this morning

to see that my curtains were drawn.

All the furniture was real though.

curtains drawn

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I saw a woman stood in her flooded front room crying.

I thought, “If anything, you’re just making it worse.” 

flooded front room crying

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Do you know what really makes me smile?

Facial muscles.

face-muscles

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I hired a private detective to investigate the sudden

death of my Grandad, while in intensive care.

He followed a few leads.

Faulty plug on the life support machine, apparently.

Faulty plug on the life support machine

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My son was up all night answering questions about resistors.

His Physics teacher always sets too much Ohm work.

Ohm work

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Towards the end of the Jurassic period,

the Thesaurus was the first dinosaur to become

extinct, obsolete, belated, vanished and wiped out.

thesaurus_t-shirt

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Body-snatching.

It’s not the winning,

it’s the taking parts that counts.

Body-snatching

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This makes no sense – yesterday my calculator

was working fine, today it isn’t working at all.

It just doesn’t add up.

calculator

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When I was a boy, my friends said

quoting songs would get me nowhere.

Well, Against All Odds, Take A Look At Me Now.

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Have you ever Googled yourself to see if there is anything on the internet about you, or even if there are any other people with the same name as you?

I bet you have. I think everyone does at some stage. Some people call it ‘ego-surfing’.

I actually hadn’t, but I did just now. Apparently there’s a British Member of Parliament and a Realtor in Kentucky using my name. I’ll have to put a stop to that!

But getting back to today’s post. There’s nothing wrong with Googling yourself, unless of course you are a moron, in which case the consequences can be both unseen (for you) and quite traumatic.

That’s what happened to a guy called Christopher Viatafa.

He’s a moron.

And a criminal.

In fact Christopher was being sought in connection with a shooting during a private party at the San Leandro Senior Center in California. Police said he got into an argument, pulled out a handgun and fired several rounds into the ground.

He was forced out of the area, but not before he fired more rounds. No one was hit, but police investigators were looking for him for allegedly discharging a firearm toward an inhabited dwelling.

That was okay, as far as he was concerned.

But then the astute Christopher Googled his name, found a picture of himself on a “Most Wanted” website….

and….

wait for it….

you know what’s coming….

promptly surrendered to San Leandro police in connection with a shooting.

Viatafa told police he had looked himself up online and found his mug on the “Northern California Most Wanted” website, maintained by the Northern California Regional Intelligence Center, a group of local, state and federal law enforcement agencies.

“That is why he turned himself in,” police said.

By the following Friday, Viatafa was listed on the website as a “captured fugitive”.

The website didn’t say that he had captured himself.

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dumb criminal Christopher Viatafa

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Indeed, it’s time for another factoid feast.

I would say that this is an unusual selection, but the truth is they are usually unusual, if you see what I mean.

I try to make the whole thing as random as possible so there is at least one or two things that you find interesting.

So here goes this week’s offering.

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did you know5

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Many Japanese golfers carry “hole-in-one” insurance,

because it is traditional in Japan to share one’s good luck

by sending gifts to all your friends when you get an “ace.”

The price for what the Japanese term an “albatross”

can often reach $10,000.

hole in one

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Those sunbeams that you see shining down

through the clouds are called ‘crespucular rays’.

Crepuscular rays

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A-1 Steak Sauce contains

both orange peel and raisins.

A-1 Steak Sauce

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The Chinese ideogram for ‘trouble’ symbolizes

‘two women living under one roof’.

trouble2

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Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of

their unwanted people without killing them

use to burn their houses down

- hence the expression “to get fired.”

burning houses

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The naval rank of “Admiral” is derived from

the Arabic phrase “amir al bahr”,

which means “lord of the sea”.

Admiral Mike Mullen

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Mt. Vernon Washington grows more tulips

than the entire country of Holland.

Mt. Vernon Washington tulip fields

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Jamie Farr (who played Klinger on M*A*S*H)

was the only member of the cast who

actually served as a soldier in the Korean war.

Jamie Farr as Klinger in MASH

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Little known Cathedral Caverns near Grant, Alabama

has the world’s largest cave opening, the largest stalagmite (Goliath),

and the largest stalagmite forest in the World.

Cathedral Caverns Alabama

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The word ‘pixel’ is a contraction of

either ‘picture cell’ or ‘picture element.’

pixels

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Back in the mid to late 80’s, an IBM compatible computer

wasn’t considered a hundred percent compatible

unless it could run Microsoft’s Flight Simulator.

Microsoft's Flight Simulator

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If you were born in Los Alamos, New Mexico

during the Manhattan project (where they made the atomic bomb),

your birthplace was listed as a post office box in Albequerque.

Manhattan project sign

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Ralph Lauren’s original name was Ralph Lifshitz.

(I can’t say I’m surprised he changed a crappy name like that.)

Ralph Lifshitz

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The word “samba” means “to rub navels together.”

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to another quiz day.

Twenty more random questions to test your brain.

As usual the answers can be found waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below,  but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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quiz 04

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Q.  1:  GEICO is a huge very well known auto insurance company, the second largest auto insurer in the United States, but what do the letters ‘G-E-I-C-O’ stand for?

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Q.  2:  On a NY license plate, is New York on the top or bottom?

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Q.  3:  In which ocean is the area known as Polynesia?

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Q.  4:  During World War Two what proportion of German soldiers who died were killed on the Eastern Front?

           a)  20%          b) 40%            c) 60%            d) 80%

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Q.  5:  Ernesto ‘Che’ Guevara, the revolutionary hero, took part in guerrilla wars in Cuba and was killed fighting Bolivian troops, but what nationality was he?

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Q.  6:  Whose high school nickname on the basketball team was “Barry O’Bomber”?

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Q.  7:  What is the infinity sign called?

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Q.  8:  How many sides are there on a standard pencil?

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Q.  9:  What is the only English word with five consecutive vowels?

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Q. 10:  Over 30 million people in the US and millions more in other countries “suffer” from Diastima. What is it?

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Q. 11:  What country leader’s name has become synonymous as a person who betrays his or her own country by aiding an invading enemy, often serving later in a puppet government or as a fifth columnist?

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Q. 12:  How did the famous ‘Tribeca’ area in Manhattan, New York get its name?

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Q. 13:  Who were the unlikely twins in the 1988 movie of that name? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 14:  What mythological Greek god’s name was used in a famous disaster movie and its sequels and spin-offs?

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Q. 15:  What is the origin of the name ‘Jeep’?

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Q. 16:  Where does parma ham originate? (You need the name of BOTH the town and the country to score a point.)

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Q. 17:  Only two states’ names in the US begin with double consonants, a point for each one you name correctly.

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Q. 18:  The Terminator was sent from the future to kill who in the first of this series of movies?

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Q. 19:  What is the name of the highest military decoration awarded for valour “in the face of the enemy” to members of the armed forces of various Commonwealth countries, and previous British Empire territories?

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Q. 20:  What was it that The Beatles wanted to hold in 1964?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  GEICO is a huge very well known auto insurance company, the second largest auto insurer in the United States, but what do the letters ‘G-E-I-C-O’ stand for?

A.  1:  ‘GEICO’ stands for Government Employees Insurance Company.

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Q.  2:  On a NY license plate, is New York on the top or bottom?

A.  2:  It’s on the top.

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Q.  3:  In which ocean is the area known as Polynesia?

A.  3:  The Pacific Ocean.

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Q.  4:  During World War Two what proportion of German soldiers who died were killed on the Eastern Front?

           a)  20%          b) 40%            c) 60%            d) 80%

A.  4:  Answer d) 80%. For every five German soldiers who died in WWII, four of them died on the Eastern Front.

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Q.  5:  Ernesto ‘Che’ Guevara, the revolutionary hero, took part in guerrilla wars in Cuba and was killed fighting Bolivian troops, but what nationality was he?

A.  5:  He was Argentinean.

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Q.  6:  Whose high school nickname on the basketball team was “Barry O’Bomber”?

A.  6:  “Barry O’Bomber” was the high school nickname of a  fellow called Barrack Obama.

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Q.  7:  What is the infinity sign called?

A.  7:  The infinity sign is called a ‘lemniscate’.

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Q.  8:  How many sides are there on a standard pencil?

A.  8:  There are 6 sides on a standard pencil.

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Q.  9:  What is the only English word with five consecutive vowels?

A.  9:  “Queueing” is the only English word with five consecutive vowels.

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Q. 10:  Over 30 million people in the US and millions more in other countries “suffer” from Diastima. What is it?

A. 10:  Diastima is having a gap between your front teeth.

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Q. 11:  What country leader’s name has become synonymous as a person who betrays his or her own country by aiding an invading enemy, often serving later in a puppet government or as a fifth columnist?

A. 11:  Norweigan leader Vidkun Quisling collaborated with the invading German army during WWII. After the war he was put on trial and found guilty of embezzlement, murder and high treason and executed by firing squad at Akershus Fortress, Oslo, on 24 October 1945.

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Q. 12:  How did the famous ‘Tribeca’ area in Manhattan, New York get its name?

A. 12:  ‘Tribeca’ in Manhattan, New  York stands for TRIangle BElow CAnal street.

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Q. 13:  Who were the unlikely twins in the 1988 movie of that name? (A point for each correct answer.)

A. 13:  The twins in the movie ‘Twins’ were Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito.

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Q. 14:  What mythological Greek god’s name was used in a famous disaster movie and its sequels and spin-offs?

A. 14:  Poseidon, as in ‘The Poseidon Adventure’ (1972), ‘Beyond the Poseidon Adventure’ (1979), ‘The Poseidon Adventure’ (2005) (TV Movie), and ‘Poseidon’ (2006).

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Q. 15:  What is the origin of the name ‘Jeep’?

A. 15:  The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the “General Purpose” vehicle, G.P.

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Q. 16:  Where does parma ham originate? (You need the name of BOTH the town and the country to score a point.)

A. 16:  Parma, Italy.

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Q. 17:  Only two states’ names in the US begin with double consonants, a point for each one you name correctly.

A. 17:  The only two states’ names in the US that begin with double consonants are Florida and Rhode Island.

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Q. 18:  The Terminator was sent from the future to kill who in the first of this series of movies?

A. 18:  Sarah Connor.

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Q. 19:  What is the name of the highest military decoration awarded for valour “in the face of the enemy” to members of the armed forces of various Commonwealth countries, and previous British Empire territories?

A. 19:  The Victoria Cross.

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Q. 20:  What was it that The Beatles wanted to hold in 1964?

A. 20:  They wanted to hold ‘Your Hand’.

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Pierre-Joseph Proudhon – What It Means To Be Governed.

Posted: May 25, 2014 in Current Events, Inspirational, Politics, Rants
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I had intended to indulge myself today with a bit of a Sunday Sermon about the increasing intrusiveness of government.

But then I found a quote from a Frenchman named Pierre-Joseph Proudhon and I decided to let him use my pulpit on this occasion.

He didn’t know about the “En ess a” snoopers who have been listening to our phone calls, reading our emails, and spying on the leaders of nations that are supposed to be friends and allies of the United States, because he was speaking about what it means to be governed more than two hundred years ago.

Nevertheless, his words ring eerily true.

Nothing, it seems, has changed.

In fact today’s technology has made things far worse.

This is what he had to say all those years ago….

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To be governed is to be

watched over,

inspected,

spied on,

directed,

legislated at,

regulated,

docketed,

indoctrinated,

preached at,

controlled,

assessed,

weighed,

censored,

(and) ordered about,

by men who have neither the right, nor the knowledge, nor the virtue.

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To be governed is to be at every operation, at every transaction,

noted,

registered,

enrolled,

taxed,

stamped,

measured,

numbered,

assessed,

licensed,

authorized,

admonished,

forbidden,

reformed,

corrected,

(and) punished.

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It is, under the pretext of public utility, and in the name of the general interest, to be

placed under contribution,

trained,

ransomed,

exploited,

monopolized,

extorted,

squeezed,

mystified,

(and) robbed;

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Then, at the slightest resistance, the first word of complaint, to be

repressed,

fined,

despised,

harassed,

tracked,

abused,

clubbed,

disarmed,

choked,

imprisoned,

judged,

condemned,

shot,

deported,

sacrificed,

sold,

betrayed;

and, to crown all,

mocked,

ridiculed,

outraged,

(and) dishonoured.

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That is government; that is its justice; that is its morality.

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The man knew what he was talking about.

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Portrait_of_Pierre_Joseph_Proudhon_1865

Pierre-Joseph Proudhon, (1809 – 1865) was a French politician, the founder of Mutualist philosophy, an economist and a libertarian socialist. He was the first person to declare himself an anarchist and is among its most influential theorists. He is considered by many to be the “father of anarchism”. He became a member of the French Parliament after the revolution of 1848, whereupon and thereafter he referred to himself as a federalist.

(Bio source http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pierre-Joseph_Proudhon )

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A nice holiday in Nice, how nice.

Yes, pun day again folks.

Strap yourselves in and…..

Enjoy or endure!

. rofl

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Working as a cake waiter at a wedding,

I saw the most beautiful girl from across the room.

I immediately took a fancy to her.

fancy

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What berries do fat people enjoy the most?

Cadburys!

Cadburys-Dairy-Milk

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Guess what is in the middle of nowhere…

‘h’

 

nowhere

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I got bullied as a child for having glasses.

Every other kid in the neighborhood could only afford paper cups.

disposable-paper-cups-glasses

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A female police officer used a taser gun on me yesterday.

She was stunning.

taser

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Two hours ago I told my kid to shut his mouth and eat his supper.

The poor boy is still sitting at the table trying to figure out how to do it.

cartoon kid mouth shut

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I was supposed to go for a job interview

as a camouflage expert last week.

I didn’t turn up, and I got the job!

camouflage expert

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Did you hear the one about the depressed frog?

He wanted to kermit suicide.

kermit

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I caught my wife with another man last night.

Don’t worry though, it’s a trapeze act.

trapeze act

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I accidently left an apple outside my local Doctor’s surgery.

Now I’m worried he won’t be able to get in.

an apple a day keeps the doctor away

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I’m considering becoming a mind reader.

What are your thoughts?

mind reader

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I’ve just invented a machine that can immediately

tell you what condition a painting is in.

It’s state-of-the-art technology.

state of the art

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When you type

“Missing medieval servant”  

into Google it comes up with

“Page not found”

Page

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A man walked into a bar and ordered half a coke.

The barman said “OK”.

half a coke

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I went into the music store earlier and asked the guy

behind the counter if they had anything by Run DMC.

“Walk this way,” he replied.

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Many stupid crimes happen every day. And most of them are committed by stupid criminals.

Unfortunately most of the stories we never get to hear about, but occasionally we do.

Like this one, which must rank as one of the dumbest ever!

It happened in a place called Mullins, SC. The perpetrator, or would-be perpetrator, was a ‘genius’ called Laquain Deshawn Guy and he had the idea that he would rob an Arby’s fast food restaurant.

Arby's logo

Lots of cash in there, he thought, not considering that most of the takings would be banked at the end of business.

That was his first mistake.

His second was failing to break into the restaurant using either a back door or a window.

No, this genius had a better idea.

He thought he would climb on to the roof of the building and gain entrance through the ventilation shaft. That is the story told by Captain Joe Graham with the Mullins police and I see no reason at all to doubt him.

The main reason being that criminal mastermind Laquain Deshawn Guy found to his surprise that he didn’t fit the ventilation shaft – and promptly wedged himself in there just as tight as he could.

The more he struggled the worse it got.

Man, was he stuck!

And he remained stuck for the next ten hours, until an Arby’s employee was opening the business Tuesday morning and he heard “noises”. I like to think that the noises were the farts being squeezed out of him as he got wedged in tighter and tighter, but nobody will confirm this.

The employee immediately called the police and that’s when they realized that the strange noises were coming from the very stuck Laquain still wedged inside the shaft.

Mullins Fire and Rescue eventually freed the idiot by cutting the ventilation pipe and pulling him through the roof, where he emerged dehydrated and with some muscle damage.

Crews then lowered him down and onto a stretcher and took him to hospital where he spent a few days before facing charges of Burglary Second Degree.

What a moron!

Fire and Ambulance Rescue trucks outside the Arby's restaurant where Laquaine got himself stuck in the ventilation shaft

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hello folks. Thanks for stopping by.

Here are today’s factoid offerings.

Hope you enjoy.

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did you know1

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You can’t breathe and swallow at the same time.

breathe and swallow at the same time

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There are more ways to shuffle a deck of cards

than there are atoms on Earth.

two-hands-shuffling-a-deck-of-cards-in-a-casino

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Africa is bigger than the United States, China, India, Spain, France,

and several other countries combined.

Africa

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Norway once knighted a penguin.

a penguin

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You can get a rough estimate of the temperature by

counting the number of times a cricket chirps in 13 seconds,

then adding 40.

cricket chirp and temperature

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It’s impossible to hum while holding your nose.

hum while holding your nose

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Quarantine comes from the French “qarante” for 40.

Whenever a ship arriving in port was suspected of being infected

it had to forego contact with the shore for a period of about 40 days.

Quarantine

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On average, astronauts are two inches taller in space.

astronauts-fingernails-hands-shuttle

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Ohio is the only U.S. state that doesn’t share

any letters with the word “mackerel.”

(I have no idea who figured that one out,

but they clearly had too much free time on their hands!)

mackerel

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Wombat poop is square.

(Ouch!!!)

Wombat Poo

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There is enough iron in your body to make a 2-inch nail.

a 2-inch nail

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The “S” in Harry S. Truman’s full name doesn’t stand for anything.

His parents couldn’t decide on a middle name for over a month,

so they settled on the letter “S” in honor of his maternal grandfather, Solomon Young,

and his paternal grandfather, Anderson Shipp Truman.

Harry S. Truman

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The girlfriend of the guy who founded Match.com

left him for a man she met on Match.com.

(So that’s why he did it!)

man who founded Match.com

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George Washington was 48 years old

when Beethoven was born.

George Washington

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The British music group ‘Simply Red’

is named because of its love for the football team,

Manchester United, who have a red home strip.

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Okay, so who tried to hum while holding their nose, come on?

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to the start of another week and to another quiz.

Quite a tough selection this time, I think, but if you enjoy a challenge give them a go.

No point if they were all too easy :)

As always if you get stuck you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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quiz7

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Q.  1:  Which is farther south, New York City or Rome, Italy?

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Q.  2:  What is the ball on top of a flagpole called?

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Q.  3:  Which are there more of in the United States of America, public libraries or McDonald’s fast food outlets?

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Q.  4:  Apart from wanting to be US President what did all three major 1996 Presidential candidates, Clinton, Dole and Perot, have in common.

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Q.  5:  Where was chocolate milk was invented?

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Q.  6:  If you’re in Detroit and you walk south, what is the first country you’ll enter?

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Q.  7:  Where did the ever popular trousers called ‘Jeans’ get their name?

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Q.  8:  And what was the origin of ‘Denim’ the material that jeans are made from?

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Q.  9:  What is the most filmed story of all time? (Bonus points if you can name second and third aswell.)

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Q. 10:  When ocean tides are at their highest, they are called ‘spring tides’. What are they called when they are at their lowest?

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Q. 11:  Which of these kills the most humans on average every year?

            a) crocodiles          b) hippopotamus            c) mosquitos            d) tigers

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Q. 12:  What do you call a scholar who studies the works of the Marquis de Sade?

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Q. 13:  What are ‘second unit’ movie shots?

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Q. 14:  Which well known American writer was born on a day in 1835 when Haley’s Comet came into view and died on a day in 1910 when Haley’s Comet came into view again? (Will accept either his real name or pen name, a bonus point if you know both.)

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Q. 15:  Which of these is the oldest?

            a) The Aztec Empire          b) The Inca Empire          c) Cambridge University

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Q. 16:  What is the only state of the USA whose name is just one syllable? (Hint: the answer is not California.)

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Q. 17:  You’ve seen it many times and on lots of things, but what does the name ‘NABISCO’ mean?

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Q. 18:  Which side of a woman’s blouse are the buttons on?

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Q. 19:  He was a Spanish hero who, before he was 20, led a Spanish force against the Moors and drove them out of Spain. He is celebrated in poem and romance. Who was he?

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Q. 20:  In 1972 who didn’t want Ruby to take her love to town?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  Which is farther south, New York City or Rome, Italy?

A.  1:  New York City is further south than Rome, Italy.

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Q.  2:  What is the ball on top of a flagpole called?

A.  2:  The ball on top of a flagpole is called the truck.

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Q.  3:  Which are there more of in the United States of America, public libraries or McDonald’s fast food outlets?

A.  3:  There are more public libraries than McDonald’s in the U.S.

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Q.  4:  Apart from wanting to be US President what did all three major 1996 Presidential candidates, Clinton, Dole and Perot, have in common.

A.  4:  All three major 1996 Presidential candidates, Clinton, Dole and Perot, are left-handed.

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Q.  5:  Where was chocolate milk was invented?

A.  5:  Chocolate milk was invented in Ireland.

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Q.  6:  If you’re in Detroit and you walk south, what is the first country you’ll enter?

A.  6:  Understandable if you said Mexico, but If you’re in Detroit and you walk south, the first country you’ll enter will be Canada.

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Q.  7:  Where did the ever popular trousers called ‘Jeans’ get their name?

A.  7:  ‘Jeans’ were named after their place of origin, Genoa, Italy.

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Q.  8:  And what was the origin of ‘Denim’ the material that jeans are made from?

A.  8:  ‘Denim’ also takes its name from its place of origin, Nimes, in France. It was originally called ‘serge de Nimes’ or ‘fabric from Nimes’. The ‘serge’ soon disappeared and left us with ‘de Nimes’ or ‘denim’.

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Q.  9:  What is the most filmed story of all time? (Bonus points if you can name second and third aswell.)

A.  9:  Dracula is the most filmed story of all time, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is second and Oliver Twist is third.

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Q. 10:  When ocean tides are at their highest, they are called ‘spring tides’. What are they called when they are at their lowest?

A. 10:  When ocean tides are at their lowest, they are call ‘neep tides’.

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Q. 11:  Which of these kills the most humans on average every year?

            a) crocodiles          b) hippopotamus            c) mosquitos            d) tigers

A. 11:  The correct answer is c) Mosquitos. They kill as many as 1,000,000 people per year from Malaria. Although it appears quite docile, the Hippopotamus is considered the most dangerous animal in Africa, killing 3,000 people per year. Crocodiles kill between 1500 and 2500 people per year. And Tigers are estimated to kill around 100 humans per year.

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Q. 12:  What do you call a scholar who studies the works of the Marquis de Sade?

A. 12:  A scholar who studies the works of the Marquis de Sade is called a ‘Sadian’, not a ‘Sadist’.

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Q. 13:  What are ‘second unit’ movie shots?

A. 13:  ‘Second unit’ movie shots do not require the presence of actors.

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Q. 14:  Which well known American writer was born on a day in 1835 when Haley’s Comet came into view and died on a day in 1910 when Haley’s Comet came into view again? (Will accept either his real name or pen name, a bonus point if you know both.)

A. 14:  Samuel Clemens aka Mark Twain was born on a day in 1835 when Haley’s Comet came into view and died on a day in 1910 when Haley’s Comet came into view again.

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Q. 15:  Which of these is the oldest?

            a) The Aztec Empire          b) The Inca Empire          c) Cambridge University

A. 15:  The correct answer is c) Cambridge University in England is older than both the Aztec and Inca empires.

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Q. 16:  What is the only state of the USA whose name is just one syllable? (Hint: the answer is not California.)

A. 16:  Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

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Q. 17:  You’ve seen it many times and on lots of things, but what does the name ‘NABISCO’ mean?

A. 17:  ‘NABISCO’ simply means NAtional BIScuit COmpany.

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Q. 18:  Which side of a woman’s blouse are the buttons on?

A. 18:  The left.

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Q. 19:  He was a Spanish hero who, before he was 20, led a Spanish force against the Moors and drove them out of Spain. He is celebrated in poem and romance. Who was he?

A. 19:  El Cid.

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Q. 20:  In 1972 who didn’t want Ruby to take her love to town?

A. 20:  Kenny Rogers. Here it is….

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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In case you hadn’t guessed from the title, it’s Pun Day again.

Another selection of great jokes or terrible jokes depending on your point of view.

So get those groans ready.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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The time will never be wrong.

Not on my watch.

Omega watch

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I used to live in a normal house,

but then steps were taken to make it into a bungalow.

Bungalow

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My dog has just eaten my entire James Bond DVD collection.

Luckily I managed to beat The Living Daylights out of him.

The Living Daylights

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I got an answering machine today but I think it’s broken.

I’ve asked it loads of questions and nothing’s happening.

answering machine

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My wife lost her Tampax and got really angry.

I hate it when she loses her rag.

Tampax

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I’ve finally remembered the word that

I’ve been thinking about for two weeks.

It’s ‘fortnight.’

fortnight

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Me and my mate are having a competition

to see who can steal the most dog related stuff

from next door’s house.

I’ve just taken the lead….

DOG_LEAD

 

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They call me Mr Rhetorical.

Can you guess why?

Rhetorical question stems

I’m looking to start up my own business,

recycling discarded chewing gum.

Just need help getting it off the ground.

discarded chewing gum on sidewalk

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My whisky kept going missing so I confronted the wife.

She told me that the guilty party was the family dog.

I found it staggering.

drunk dog

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I lost my job today because I said the office is full of assholes.

Bit of an overreaction to my opinion about a TV program I think.

the office

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What’s black and gets abused 24/7

on social networking sites?

Punctuation!

Punctuation

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I’m a much better fighter now that I have a blackbelt.

I was hopeless when my trousers kept falling down.

trousers kept falling down

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Shopping for antiques won’t make you gay,

but it will make you buy curios.

Shopping for antiques

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A lady at the supermarket asked me if I’ve ever drunk orange juice with pulp.

I said, “No, but I once had coffee with The Bluetones.”

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