Archive for November, 2013

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A very happy Thanksgiving to all in America who read this.

I hope everyone everywhere, not just in America, is getting into the spirit of the day and giving thanks for the many good things in their lives.

But Thanksgiving or not, it’s still pun day. A little different today in that there is a mixture of pictorial puns with a distinct nautical theme and, of course, puns with a Thanksgiving theme too.

Enjoy!

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rofl

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What does a turkey like to eat on Thanksgiving?

Nothing; they are already stuffed.

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picture pun 001 Seas The Day

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Why did the turkey cross the road?

To show that he wasn’t chicken.

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picture pun 002 Aqua Holic

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Why is a turkey similar to a ghost?

Because it’s a-gobblin.

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picture pun 003 Cirrhosis Of The River

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Why did the Pilgrim kill the turkey?

Because he was in a fowl mood.

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picture pun 004 Aboat Time

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Or, as the turkey said to the Pilgrim,

“You’re a no-good baster.”

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picture pun 005 Pier Pressure

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Why are turkeys so good at arithmetic?

Because they count the number of chopping days until Thanksgiving.

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picture pun 006 Piece Of Ship

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Why did the turkey bolt down his food?

Because she was a gobbler.

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picture pun 007 Nautibuoy

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Did you hear about the conservative turkey?

It has two right wings.

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picture pun 008 Ship For Brains

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As the leftover turkey said after it was wrapped up and refrigerated,

“Foiled again.”

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picture pun 009 Sex Sea

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If April showers bring May flowers what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims!

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picture pun 010 Deep Ship

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What sound does a space turkey make?

Hubble, hubble, hubble.

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picture pun 011 Pugboat

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Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?

The outside!

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picture pun 012 Sails Call

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What can you never eat for Thanksgiving dinner?

Breakfast or lunch!

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picture pun 013 The Codfather

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Thanksgiving:

when turkeys turn from gobblers to gobblees.

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picture pun 014 Moor Often Than Knot

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Did you hear about the waiter

who dropped a Thanksgiving dinner on the floor

and feared he had created an international incident?

It was the downfall of Turkey,

the ruin of Greece,

and the breaking up of China.

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The fact file is open again and here are fifteen more gems of wisdom to peruse at your leisure.

Enjoy.

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did you know5

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100,000,000,000 solar neutrinos pass through

every square inch of your body every second.

(I thought I felt something!)

solar neutrinos

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The northern border of Delaware is curved,

with all points being exactly 12 miles from

the old court house in New Castle.

delaware state map

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James Barrie, author of Peter Pan, never had kids,

but he did have a special affection for the children of others.

In 1929 he signed over the rights for Peter Pan to a London hospital

that specialized in pediatric medicine.

James Barrie

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The celery stick garnish became a staple of the Bloody Mary

only after an impatient patron at Chicago’s Pump Room

couldn’t wait for his server to bring him a swizzle stick.

He took matters into his own hands and

snatched a celery stalk from a nearby relish tray.

Bloody-Mary

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Ice Cream was served to new arrivals at Ellis Island.

However, since most people hadn’t encountered it before,

they simply figured it was butter and spread it on their toast.

Ice-Cream

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The state fish of Hawaii is the “humuhumunukunukuapua’a”.

The Hawaiian name roughly translates to “the fish with a pig-like nose.”

It’s English name is the Reef Triggerfish.

humuhumunukunukuapua'a

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Director John Landis includes the phrase

“See you next Wednesday” in most of his films.

It was the title of a script he wrote as a teen.

John_Landis

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Al Capone estimated that he spent $30 million a year

to pay off judges, police, elected officials, and newspapermen.

al-capone 88

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The first artist signed to the Beatles’ Apple Records label

was singer-songwriter James Taylor.

James_Taylor

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Clifton Keith Hillegass is the “Cliff” behind Cliff’s Notes.

He started his company in 1958 when he

published 16 Shakespearian study guides.

CliffsNotes

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Birds cock their heads at the ground not to listen for prey

(such as insects or worms) but to better see them.

bird cocking head

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Although the National Association for the Advancement

of Colored People clearly stated its mission in its title,

W.E.B. Du Bois was the only African American

on the NAACP’s first board of directors.

W.E.B. Du Bois

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Contrary to popular belief, a camel’s hump does not store water.

Instead, it’s filled with fat, which allows the animal to go for a month without food.

If the hump becomes depleted, it will shrink, flop over, and hang at the camel’s side.

bactrian camel 2

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A Mercurian day is longer than its year.

Mercury revolves around the sun very quickly,

but rotates around its axis very, very slowly.

One day on Mercury (sunrise to sunrise) is longer than

one year on Mercury (one orbit around the Sun).

Mercuryday

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The flashes of colored light you see when you

rub your eyes are called “phosphenes.”

phosphene_by_preritjain-d4j91wh

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The term “paparazzi” comes from Paparazzo,

a fictional freelance photographer

in the 1960 Fellini film La Dolce Vita.

paparazzi

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Construction of the Pentagon began in 1941 

-  on September 11th.

(Spooky-woo!)

Pentagon_construction

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John Lennon’s 1975 single “Number Nine Dream”

peaked on the Billboard pop singles chart at number nine.

Similarly, Prince’s 1993 single “Seven” peaked at #7.

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, the Monday Quiz returns.

No surprises there, but maybe one or two in the questions.

Let’s see how you do this week. 

If you get stuck the answers are, as usual, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below  –  but please NO cheating!

Enjoy, and good luck!

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quiz 09

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Q.  1:  What handicap did the composer Beethoven have?

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Q.  2:  According to legend, who rewarded a man for his loyalty by giving him  the secret recipe for Drambuie?

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Q.  3:  Which two semaphoric letters are found on the famous anti war peace symbol from the 1960’s ?

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Q.  4:  In which movie would you find a robot called ‘Gort’

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Q.  5:  What name did the Vikings give to Newfoundland?

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Q.  6:  What do all of the following have (or don’t have) in common? 

Galileo, Jesse James, Jerry Garcia, Dustin Hoffman, James Doohan, Frodo Baggins,  Tony Iommi, Telly Savalas, Boris Yelzin, Buster Keaton, Harold Lloyd, Daryl Hannah and Gary Burghoff (‘Radar’ O’Reilly from M*A*S*H)

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Q.  7:  In literature, King Richard III was desperate and willing to pay a high price for what?

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Q.  8:  Which fruit is a port city in the Democratic Republic of the Congo? 

    a) Orange

    b) Banana

    c) Ugli

    d) Guava

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Q.  9:  In China in 1989 in which Beijing Square were the protests against the government crushed by tanks?

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Q. 10:  What is the name of the race of giants mentioned in the Bible who lived in Canaan?

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Q. 11:  “I coulda had class, I coulda been somebody, I coulda been a contender”. What famous actor said the words and in which famous movie?

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Q. 12:  Who was the first WBC heavyweight boxing champion in 1978?

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Q. 13:  What is the name of the current German Chancellor?

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Q. 14:  Put the following in the correct order starting with the fastest and ending with the slowest:

 Human, Nimitz class aircraft carrier, Grizzly bear, A common pig, Cheetah, Japanese ‘bullet’ train, Ostrich, Peregrin falcon. 

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Q. 15:  Which new country was formed in 1971 at the end of the Pakistan / India conflict?

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Q. 16:  Who played ‘Lucy Ewing’ in the hit TV Series ‘Dallas’ and what was her rather unkind nickname?

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Q. 17:  What was the name of the French underground movement that fought against the Germans in World War II?

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Q. 18:  Name the capital and the largest city in New Zealand (a point for each).

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Q. 19:  In the ‘Bond’ movies what were the codenames for James Bond’s boss and the person responsible for the gadgets he used? 

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Q. 20:  What ‘o’clock’ is mentioned in the Bangles hit song ‘Manic Monday’?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  What handicap did the composer Beethoven have?

A.  1:  He was hearing impaired.

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Q.  2:  According to legend, who rewarded a man for his loyalty by giving him  the secret recipe for Drambuie?

A.  2:  Bonnie Prince Charlie.

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Q.  3:  Which two semaphoric letters are found on the famous anti war peace symbol from the 1960’s ?

A.  3:  N and D for Nuclear Disarmament.

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Q.  4:  In which movie would you find a robot called ‘Gort’

A.  4:  The Day The Earth Stood Still.

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Q.  5:  What name did the Vikings give to Newfoundland?

A.  5:  Vinland.

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Q.  6:  What do all of the following have (or don’t have) in common? 

 Galileo, Jesse James, Jerry Garcia, Dustin Hoffman, James Doohan, Frodo Baggins,  Tony Iommi, Telly Savalas, Boris Yelzin, Buster Keaton, Harold Lloyd, Daryl Hannah and Gary Burghoff (‘Radar’ O’Reilly from M*A*S*H)

A.  6:  They are/were all missing a finger or fingers.

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Q.  7:  In literature, King Richard III was desperate and willing to pay a high price for what?

A.  7:  “A horse, a horse! My kingdom for a horse.”

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Q.  8:  Which fruit is a port city in the Democratic Republic of the Congo? 

    a) Orange

    b) Banana

    c) Ugli

    d) Guava

A.  8:  b) Banana

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Q.  9:  In China in 1989 in which Beijing Square were the protests against the government crushed by tanks?

A.  9:  Tiananmen Square.

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Q. 10:  What is the name of the race of giants mentioned in the Bible who lived in Canaan?

A. 10:  Nephilim.

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Q. 11:  “I coulda had class, I coulda been somebody, I coulda been a contender”. What famous actor said the words and in which famous movie?

A. 11:  Marlon Brando in ‘On the Waterfront’.

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Q. 12:  Who was the first WBC heavyweight boxing champion in 1978?

A. 12:  Ken Norton.

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Q. 13:  What is the name of the current German Chancellor?

A. 13:  Angela Merkel.

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Q. 14:  Put the following in the correct order starting with the fastest and ending with the slowest:

 Human, Nimitz class aircraft carrier, Grizzly bear, A common pig, Cheetah, Japanese ‘bullet’ train, Ostrich, Peregrin falcon. 

A. 14:  The correct order, fastest to slowest, is:

    1) Japanese ‘bullet’ train (361 mph);  2) Peregrin falcon (200 mph); 3) Cheetah (70 mph); 4) Ostrich (40 mph); 5) Nimitz class aircraft carrier (34.5 plus mph); 6) grizzly bear (30 mph); 7. Human (28 mph); 8. Common pig  (11 mph)

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Q. 15:  Which new country was formed in 1971 at the end of the Pakistan / India conflict?

A. 15:  Bangladesh.

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Q. 16:  Who played ‘Lucy Ewing’ in the hit TV Series ‘Dallas’ and what was her rather unkind nickname?

A. 16:  ‘Lucy Ewing’ was played by Charlene Tilton and her nickname because of her lack of height was the ‘Poison Dwarf’

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Q. 17:  What was the name of the French underground movement that fought against the Germans in World War II?

A. 17:  The Maquis (If you are nice you can also claim a point for ‘French Resistance’)

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Q. 18:  Name the capital and the largest city in New Zealand (a point for each).

A. 18:  Wellington is the capital; Auckland is the largest city.

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Q. 19:  In the ‘Bond’ movies what were the codenames for James Bond’s boss and the person responsible for the gadgets he used? 

A. 19:  They were known as ‘M’ and ‘Q’.

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Q. 20:  What ‘o’clock’ is mentioned in the Bangles hit song ‘Manic Monday’?

A. 20:  6 o’clock.

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Word play day, or more puns if you like that description better.

Endure or enjoy, preferably the latter!

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rofl

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“Let’s order some Chinese.”

“To do what?”

Chinese army

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I remember in 1995 when I went to an Oasis gig with my sister and my brother.

When the band came on stage I shouted, “Go Oasis.”

I never saw my sister after that.

Oasis-gig-at-Heaton-Park

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If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

pig-clip-art-2

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I went into the hardware store and said,

“These shelves you sold me are useless. I couldn’t even…”

The cashier said, “Put ‘em up?”

I said, “Okay, you wanna fight about it? Come on then!”

fight

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I was taking some notes the other day,

when I was arrested and escorted from the bank.

bank_robbery

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I’ve just started a new job at the local slaughterhouse, stunning cows.

…And some of the sheep are pretty good looking too.

cartoon-cow_art

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Did you hear about the neo Nazi builder?

He liked to drill with the bosch.

bosch drill

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As I stood on the tube this morning I thought to myself,

“My pringles are getting crushed”

pringles

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My Pokemon card collection was destroyed in a fire.

I’ve only got Ash now.

Ash

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I was perfectly happy in Mississippi,

Then Mr Sippi came back early from his business trip.

young-man-running-away

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I love watching videos of lakes and rivers on the internet.

I’m viewing a live stream right now.

mossy_stream

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My friend said he met a prostitute who connected a battery charger to his bits.

I said, “Woweee, how much did she charge you?”

Electric Shoc

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Two pencils decided to have a race.

They drew.

cartoon-pencils-friends

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My friend said he’s going to set a new standard in pubs

by opening one on the top of a mountain.

Personally, I think he’s raised the bar too high.

man on top of mountain

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Tattoos are great for preserving memories,

otherwise I would have totally forgotten about those anchors.

popeye-sailor anchor tattoos

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Fifteen fabulous and very random facts.

I don’t know how much of this information you retain, probably not that much if you’re like me, but hopefully you enjoy reading them all the same.

Here we go….

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did you know2

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The city of Austin, Texas,

was originally named “Waterloo.”

austin texas-panorama

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The term “couch potato”

is the legal property of Robert Armstrong,

who trademarked it in 1976.

(I wonder where he got the energy?)

couch-potato

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Al Gore (1992, 1996),

Dick Cheney (2000, 2004)

and Joe Biden (2008, 2012)

are the first three consecutive vice presidents

to be elected to two terms.

Joe Biden

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Worcestershire sauce was invented accidentally

when a British company was trying to recreate

the flavors in Indian food.

Lea_&_Perrins_worcestershire_sauce_150ml

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The term “dogfight” originated during WWI.

The pilot had to turn off the plane’s engine from time to time

so it would not stall when the plane turned quickly in the air.

When a pilot restarted his engine midair, it sounded like dogs barking.

WWI dogfight

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Jim Henson said he made the first Kermit

out of his mom’s old coat.

He used Ping-Pong balls for eyes.

Actual Kermit

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The concept of community service as a form of probation

originated in Alameda County, California, in 1966.

It was first used as an alternative punishment for female traffic offenders.

community service

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The name “The Birdman of Alcatraz” is not strictly accurate

because Robert Stroud was allowed to keep birds

when he was incarcerated at Leavenworth,

not when he was transferred to Alcatraz.

Robert Stroud

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Will Smith turned down the role of Neo in The Matrix.

Instead he starred in Wild Wild West.

Will_smith_west

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Mayan tradition dictated that a mother

should cover her newborn’s face for the first year of life

in order to drive away evil spirits.

The practice is still carried out in rural Guatemala.

ancient_mayan_ruins_chichen_itza_mexico1

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The modeling compound Play-Doh started out in the 1950s

as a wallpaper cleaner for coal residue.

Sales began to fall as coal was used less frequently in furnaces,

but the owner’s sister-in-law, a preschool teacher,

suggested it be used as a children’s toy.

Play-Doh

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The 100-ounce pyramid-shaped capstone on top of

the Washington Monument is made of aluminum.

At the time it was placed (December 6, 1884)

it was the largest aluminum object cast.

In those days aluminum was very hard to produce

and was worth as much as silver.

Washington Monument aluminium capstone

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Chicago is America’s skyscraper capital.

The city has more 1,000-foot tall buildings

than any other U.S. city.

chicago_skyscrapers

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If we define the “highest spot on the Earth”

as that which is closest to the moon, stars, etc.,

then Mt. Chimborazo in Ecuador is an

incredible 1.5 miles higher than Mt. Everest

due to the oblate spheroid shape of the earth.

(Y’all clumb the wrong mountain boyz!)

mount-chimborizo-ecuador-equator-tallest-mountain

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The spooky theme song for Alfred Hitchcock Presents

is titled “Funeral March of a Marionette.”

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another Monday, another quiz to start the week.

As usual the answers are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below  –  but NO cheating!

Enjoy, and good luck!

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Quiz 6

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Q.  1:  Who sang ‘Coward of the County’ in 1980?

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Q.  2:  Of which Native American tribe was Sitting Bull a member?

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Q.  3:  Which temple stands on the Acropolis in Athens?

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Q.  4:  Who was the first man to win the Academy Award for best actor two years in a row?

    a) Clark Gable

    b) James Stewart

    c) Charles Laughton

    d) Spencer Tracy

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Q.  5:  What nickname was given to Baron von Richthofen’s fighter squadron in World War I?

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Q.  6:  Of which country has President Kenneth Kaudu been the leader?

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Q.  7:  In which fictional American town or city was the TV series Northern Exposure set?

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Q.  8:  What nationality is tennis player Boris Becker?

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Q.  9:  Which religion was founded by Prince Guatama Siddhartha in the 6th century BC?

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Q. 10:  What was the nationality of Zorba in the movie and who played him?

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Q. 11:  What is the name of Ozzy Osbourne’s wife?

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Q. 12:  Where were Geoffrey Chaucer’s pilgrims going as they told their tales?

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Q. 13:  In Rastafari, who is known as ‘The Lion of Judah’?

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Q. 14:  What term is given to the point in spring when the sun’s path crosses the celestial equator, so that day and night are of approximately equal length?

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Q. 15:  The composer Ludwig van Beethoven and the poet William Wordsworth were both born in the same year. Which year was it?

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Q. 16:  On the 7th of January 1785, George Washington became the first man in North America to send which kind of letter?

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Q. 17:  Who was the young star of ‘National Velvet’ in 1945?

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Q. 18:  Although its name is a synonym for ‘no apprehension’, which massive revolutionary invention, first introduced in 1906, instilled fear all over the world?

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Q. 19:  Who was the first person to appear on the cover of the Rolling Stone?  

    a) Dr Hook

    b) Elvis

    c) John Lennon

    d) Mick Jagger

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Q. 20:  This ‘Soul Man’ took a ‘Walk On The Wild Side’ and then had a ‘Perfect Day’. Who was he?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  Who sang ‘Coward of the County’ in 1980?

A.  1:  Kenny Rogers

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Q.  2:  Of which American tribe was Sitting Bull a member?

A.  2:  Lakota Sioux.

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Q.  3:  Which temple stands on the Acropolis in Athens?

A.  3:  The Parthenon.

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Q.  4:  Who was the first man to win the Academy Award for best actor two years in a row?

    a) Clark Gable

    b) James Stewart

    c) Charles Laughton

    d) Spencer Tracy

A.  4:  d) Spencer Tracy (1937 for Captains Courageous and 1938 for Boys Town)

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Q.  5:  What nickname was given to Baron von Richthofen’s fighter squadron in World War I?

A.  5: ‘Flying Circus’ or ‘Richthofen’s Circus’.

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Q.  6:  Of which country has President Kaudu been the leader?

A.  6:  Zambia.

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Q.  7:  In which fictional American town or city was the TV series Northern Exposure set?

A.  7:  Cicely, Alaska.

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Q.  8:  What nationality is tennis player Boris Becker?

A.  8:  German.

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Q.  9:  Which religion was founded by Prince Guatama Siddhartha in the 6th century BC?

A.  9:  Buddhism.

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Q. 10:  What was the nationality of Zorba in the movie and who played him?

A. 10:  Greek, and he was played by Anthony Quinn.

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Q. 11:  What is the name of Ozzy Osbourne’s wife?

A. 11:  Sharon.

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Q. 12:  Where were Geoffrey Chaucer’s pilgrims going as they told their tales?

A. 12:  Canterbury.

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Q. 13:  In Rastafari, who is known as ‘The Lion of Judah’?

A. 13:  Haile Selassie (the First).

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Q. 14:  What term is given to the point in spring when the sun’s path crosses the celestial equator, so that day and night are of approximately equal length?

A. 14:  The vernal equinox.

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Q. 15:  The composer Ludwig van Beethoven and the poet William Wordsworth were both born in the same year. Which year was it?

A. 15:  1770.

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Q. 16:  On the 7th of January 1785, George Washington became the first man in North America to send which kind of letter?

A. 16:  An ‘Air Mail’.  Using a balloon. The letter was addressed to no one but was to be given to the owner of the property on which the balloon landed.

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Q. 17:  Who was the young star of ‘National Velvet’ in 1945?

A. 17:  Elizabeth Taylor.

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Q. 18:  Although its name is a synonym for ‘no apprehension’, which massive revolutionary invention, first introduced in 1906, instilled fear all over the world?

A. 18:  The Dreadnought battleship.

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Q. 19:  Who was the first person to appear on the cover of the Rolling Stone?  

    a) Dr Hook

    b) Elvis

    c) John Lennon

    d) Mick Jagger

A. 19:  c) John Lennon.

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Q. 20:  This ‘Soul Man’ took a ‘Walk On The Wild Side’ and then had a ‘Perfect Day’. Who was he?

A. 20:  Lou Reed, those are the names of his songs that made it in the charts.

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The Sunday Sermon

So there are more difficulties plaguing the implementation of the Affordable Care Act.

Now there’s a shocker folks!

I’ve already highlighted the mess that the government has made in trying to bring it’s computer systems online to enable enrollment in the new program. (See “What Am I” post from about a month ago)

obamacare-cartoon

Now people who thought they were already adequately insured are finding that this may not be the case, at least not for much longer. The private insurance issue is affecting lots and lots of people all over America, particularly those who were trying to be responsible and had adequate insurance for themselves and their families.

Most of them bought their insurance on the open market. Obama promised that would still be secure after his new Affordable Care Act was implemented.

He said, “If you like your health care plan, you can keep your health care plan.”

He lied.

Obama’s new law actually outlaws all but a small percentage of “grandfathered” individual insurance policies and requires carriers to instead offer coverage that is more comprehensive.

And there’s more trouble ahead. In 2018, an Obamacare tax on high-cost insurance plans kicks in and could cause upheaval in that part of the market as well.

The truth is that the law was designed to gradually eliminate the old system altogether.

The result?

All across the country those who thought they had adequate insurance are being issued with notices from insurers explaining that their plans are ending. Ending thanks to the Affordable Care Act.

It has understandably caused confusion, fear, anxiety and a great deal of anger.

Obamacare cartoon

Losing health insurance can be a terrifying possibility in America. Particularly as one gets older and policies are more difficult and expensive to replace.  

So is this the last of the Obamacare problems?

I think it would be a very safe bet to say no it won’t.

Affordable Health Care is a laudable goal. I’ve always said that. But the way to tackle it is to make the existing system more affordable by curbing the excessive profiteering of drug companies and medics, not burdening this and future generations of ordinary Americans with another government white elephant that the country can’t afford.

Unfortunately the government just doesn’t get it – “affordable” means you can actually afford it!

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