Archive for August, 2013

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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How would you like to live in some of these places?

The towns may be okay but the names certainly leave a lot to be desired.

I wonder why they never changed them?

Enjoy.

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Silly Named Game Towns 001

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Silly Named Game Towns 002

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Silly Named Game Towns 003

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Silly Named Game Towns 004

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Silly Named Game Towns 005

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Silly Named Game Towns 006

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Silly Named Game Towns 007

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Silly Named Game Towns 008

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Silly Named Game Towns 009

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Silly Named Game Towns 010

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Silly Named Game Towns 011

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Silly Named Game Towns 014

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Silly Named Game Towns 013

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Silly Named Game Towns 012

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Like it says in the title, nothing is free these days.

Except for puns that is.

You just can’t put a price on that level of enjoyment!

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Guy #1:  “I’m stuck with one word on this crossword,

the clue is a 10 letter word, similar to being silly”

Guy #2:  “Oh, that’s ridiculous”

Guy #1:  “I know, I’ve been stuck on it for hours”.

pun crossword_puzzle

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I’ve put in so many shifts where I work recently

that they’ve decided to fire me.

Making keyboards isn’t as easy as it looks.

pun shift_key

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My sister had a baby boy and

she’s gonna name him Mark, but with a “C”.

Who ever heard of someone called “Cark”?

pun cartoon_baby

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The manager of the toy shop I work at phoned me and said:

“Steve, our stock records show that we’re missing a space hopper.

I need you to find it for me.”

I said, “Don’t worry boss, I’m on it.”

pun space-hopper

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Google Chrome

All you’ll get is a description of a metal.

pun google-chrome-metal-text-effect

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The head teacher at my school called me in to his office today.

He said, “I’ve just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?”

I replied, “No, I’m irresponsible. That’s why I threw it.”

pun Boy_Broken_Window

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Woke up this morning and my joints were really stiff.

I’ve only got myself to blame: I rolled them far too thick.

pun joints

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For my next trick, I will eat a percussion instrument in a bap.

Drum roll, please.

pun drum roll

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I bought a tree at the garden center that was far too big to get in the car,

so we had to cut the top off.

I didn’t really mind though,

I’ve always wanted a convertible.

pun car tree

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My girlfriend said it would be nice if I could maintain an erection.

So I’ve volunteered to clean bird crap off the Statue of Liberty.

pun statue of liberty

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I saw a busker with no arms today singing so badly

I offered him five bucks to stop.

But that was just another note he couldn’t hold.

pun five_dollar_bill

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I do not have an OCD over tidiness.

I just wanted to clear that up.

pun ocd

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My Korean friend was going to cook his wife a surprise birthday dinner.

But someone let the cat out of the bag.

pun cat out of the bag

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I’m planning a camping holiday but, I have to say,

I’m far from impressed with my travel insurance.

It turns out if someone steals my tent in the night,

I’ll no longer be covered.

pun stolen Tent

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What are long, hard and delicious?

Adjectives.

pun adjectives

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I find nothing is quite so annoying as having someone

carry on talking while you’re trying to interrupt.

pun interrupt

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Apparently 80% of people who have cosmetic surgery

are disappointed by the results.

Which is a bit odd,

because most of them look pleasantly surprised.

pun facelift

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I was waiting in line for a club last night

and the guy at the door was checking IDs.

He was taking ages.

pun standing in line

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Is anyone else tired,

or is it just M.E.?

pun myalgic encephalomyelitis

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My friend’s new girlfriend has been around the block a few times…

Like most women, she’s crap at parking.

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Latest edition of the midweek look at the newspaper nightmares. 

The philosophy seems to be that if you are an idiot you should let as many people as possible know!

Enjoy.

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np_pull-out-and-save

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np_pussy

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np_quitsmoking

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np_reportonreports

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np_rimjobs

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np_rosie

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np_sabre

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np_sausagefactory

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np_save

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np_seaman

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np_sexoffender

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np_shoplifter

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np_smallpackage

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np_snack

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes indeed, here are the facts. Another random selection for your enjoyment.

I hope you find them interesting, maybe even educational.  

And, of course, you’ll find out a little later why your whole childhood was a lie.

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did you know2

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The chances of making two holes-in-one in a round of golf

are one in sixty-seven million, 1:67,000,000.

Did You Know hole in one

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Another word for hiccups is ‘singultus’.

Did You Know hiccups

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Airports that are at higher altitudes require

a longer airstrip due to lower air density.

Did You Know lukla-airport

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The only poisonous birds in the world are the three species of Pitohui.

The Hooded Pitohui from Papua New Guinea is the most deadly out of the three

Did You Know Hooded Pitohui poisoness bird

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In 1955, only 330 Volkswagen Beetle’s were sold

at a price of $1800 each in the United States.

Did You Know 1955_volkswagen_beetle

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The Chihuahua was named after

the Mexican state where they were discovered

Did You Know Chihuahua

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There are more than 640 muscles in the human body

(and as you get older they all start to hurt!)

Did You Know Chihuahua

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The odds of having quadruplets are 1 in 729,000

(for men the odds are much higher!)

Did You Know Popeye Quadruplets

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The destruction of the Berlin Wall began when private citizens

started to demolish entire sections of the Wall without interference

from government officials on November 9, 1989

Did You Know berlin_wall

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France is known as the perfume capital of the world

Did You Know France perfume

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Since its introduction in February 1935,

more than two hundred million Monopoly board games

have been sold worldwide

Did You Know Obama-Monopoly

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It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL

with enough leather for a year’s supply of footballs.

Did You Know NFL-football

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When former Texas Governor James Hogg was on his deathbed

he made a special request that a pecan tree

be planted at the head of his grave instead of a tombstone.

The governor passed away on March 2, 1906,

which is Texas Independence Day.

The pecan tree is now the state tree of Texas

Did You Know Jim_hogg

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In 1477, the first diamond engagement ring was given to

Mary of Burgundy by Archduke Maximillian of Austria

Did You Know 1st diamond engagement ring

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The smallest frog is the “Brazilian baby frog”,

which is smaller than a dime

Did You Know brazilian_gold_frog

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India used to be the richest country in the world

until the British invasion in the early 17th Century

Did You Know Golden_Temple_India

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Marie Curie, the Nobel prize winning scientist who discovered radium,

died of radiation poisoning

Did You Know Marie_Curie_c1920

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The iron disulfide (Pyrite) is considered “fool’s gold”

because it looks very similar to gold.

Did You Know fools_gold

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In 1759, St. James’s Gate Brewery (where they brew Guinness)

was leased for to Arthur Guinness for 9,000 years for 45 pounds per year.

Did You Know St James Gate Guinness Brewery entrance

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A Roadrunner’s top speed is 20 mph

while coyotes can reach speeds of up to 43 mph

– so let’s face it folks, your whole childhood was a lie!

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes another start to the week, and here on the fasab blog that means another quiz.

We’ll start off with a relatively easy one today, but the others may be more challenging. Still that’s what we want. If they were too simple what would be the point?

As always the answers are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but NO cheating!

Enjoy.

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Quiz 4 

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Q.  1: It is ‘Kar’ in Turkish, ‘Lumi’ in Finnish, ‘Neve’ in Italian, ‘Nieve’ in Spanish and ‘Neige’ in French, but what is it called in English?

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Q.  2:  How many sides does a dodecahedron have?

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Q.  3:  It consists of seven letters and is a noun meaning ‘chorus’ and a verb meaning ‘to cease’, what is it?

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Q.  4:  Which famous Hollywood actor was buried in his Dracula costume?

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Q.  5:  What name is given to the Japanese dish of thinly sliced meat, vegetables and seasoning all cooked together quickly, usually at the table?

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Q.  6:  Based on the total number of passengers per year, the two busiest metro (subway) systems in the world are in which cities?  (One point for each correct answer.)

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Q.  7:  What was the name of the child in the TV series ‘Bewitched’?

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Q.  8:  What is the stage name of Sir Thomas John Woodward?

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Q.  9:  What is the largest city in the US named after a British PM?

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Q. 10:  Claret wine is produced in the region surrounding which French city?

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Q. 11:  How many prime numbers are there between 10 and 20?

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Q. 12:  ‘Allegro’ is a musical direction meaning to play how?

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Q. 13:  How many squares/spaces on a chess board?

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Q. 14:  Which famous singer was first offered, but thankfully did not get or accept, the TV role of ‘Lieutenant Colombo’?

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Q. 15:  What is the name of Sherlock Holmes’ housekeeper?

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Q. 16:  What was the name of the park ranger frequently outwitted by Yogi Bear?

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Q. 17:  Who was the daughter of the prophet Muhammad?

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Q. 18:  From which country did the dish ‘chilli con carne’ originate? 

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Q. 19:  Until the mid 16th century “sea dogs” was the English word for which type of predator?

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Q. 20:  What are the two missing words in this famous quote from the classic movie ‘Casablanca’?

“Of all the … ….. in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine”

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1: It is ‘Kar’ in Turkish, ‘Lumi’ in Finnish, ‘Neve’ in Italian, ‘Nieve’ in Spanish and ‘Neige’ in French, but what is it called in English?

A.  1:  Snow

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Q.  2:  How many sides does a dodecahedron have?

A.  2:  12

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Q.  3:  It consists of seven letters and is a noun meaning ‘chorus’ and a verb meaning ‘to cease’, what is it?

A.  3:  Refrain

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Q.  4:  Which famous Hollywood actor was buried in his Dracula costume?

A.  4:  Bela Lugosi

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Q.  5:  What name is given to the Japanese dish of thinly sliced meat, vegetables and seasoning all cooked together quickly, usually at the table?

A.  5:  Sukiyaki

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Q.  6:  Based on the total number of passengers per year, the two busiest metro (subway) systems in the world are in which cities?  (One point for each correct answer.)

A.  6:  Tokyo and Moscow

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Q.  7:  What was the name of the child in the TV series ‘Bewitched’?

A.  7:  Tabitha.

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Q.  8:  What is the stage name of Sir Thomas John Woodward?

A.  8:  Tom Jones

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Q.  9:  What is the largest city in the US named after a British PM?

A.  9:  Pittsburgh

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Q. 10:  Claret wine is produced in the region surrounding which French city?

A. 10:  Bordeaux

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Q. 11:  How many prime numbers are there between 10 and 20?

A. 11:  Four (11, 13, 17 and 19)

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Q. 12:  ‘Allegro’ is a musical direction meaning to play how?

A. 12:  Lively/fast

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Q. 13:  How many squares/spaces on a chess board?

A. 13:  64

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Q. 14:  Which famous singer was first offered, but thankfully did not get or accept, the TV role of ‘Lieutenant Colombo’?

A. 14:  Bing Crosby

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Q. 15:  What is the name of Sherlock Holmes’ housekeeper?

A. 15:  Mrs Hudson

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Q. 16:  What was the name of the park ranger frequently outwitted by Yogi Bear?

A. 16:  Ranger John Smith

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Q. 17:  Who was the daughter of the prophet Muhammad?

A. 17:  Fatimah

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Q. 18:  From which country did the dish ‘chilli con carne’ originate? 

A. 18:  The USA.

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Q. 19:  Until the mid 16th century “sea dogs” was the English word for which type of predator?

A. 19:  Sharks

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Q. 20:  What are the two missing words in this famous quote from the classic movie ‘Casablanca’?

“Of all the … ….. in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine”

A. 20:  “gin joints”

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Last week’s post was a selection of towns that had been given names that, to put it mildly, left a lot to be desired.

Today is part two of what I have called the Silly Named Game with another selection of towns that you wouldn’t really want to have as your address if you didn’t have to.

I should say that the whole idea came to me when I was remembering the time I spent doing some business in Nevada. While there we came across a town called Pahrump (you can read more about it here if you are interested http://www.pahrumpnv.org/ ) and both my colleague and myself thought the name quite unusual.

He said to me, “I wonder why they called the town that?”

I must have been in good form that day because I was able to tell him straight off, “Oh, I know the answer to that.”

“Go on then,” he said. “Tell me.”

“Well,” I began. “This is cowboy country and one day, way back when, a couple of good ole boys were riding, one slightly behind the other, through the desert and came across this piece of land.”

“This here would make a good place to settle,” the first cowboy said.

“Sure would,” agreed the other.

“What do you reckon we should call it?” the cowboy in front asked  –  and as he did so the guy behind him raised a hip a let go with a rather loud fart.

“Pahrump?” the first cowboy questioned, thinking that was what he had heard the other one say. “Well, I guess it’s as good a name as any.”

“And that’s how the town became known as Pahrump,” I told my colleague.

I’d be the first to admit that it’s not the official explanation of how the town was named, but it’s a better version as far as I’m concerned and a warning to one and all never to name a town when all you have had to eat for a week is beef jerky and beans.

But enough of that.

Here is today’s selection of the Silly Named Game.

Enjoy!

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Silly place names - Crotch Crescent

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Silly place names - Crapstone

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Silly place names - Intercourse

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Silly place names - Fucking

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Silly place names - Boring

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Silly place names - Accident

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Silly place names - Wetwang

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Silly place names - Hell

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Silly place names - Hooker

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Silly place names - Embarrass

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Silly place names - Bird-In-Hand

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Silly place names - Titty-Ho

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I may be having difficulty understanding the point of decimals, but I understand the point of a good pun or two.

Hope you do too.

Here is the latest word play selection for you enjoyment.

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I just found a note that says “Dial-a-Party” and a phone number.

I believe this calls for a celebration.

phone

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Went to a 70’s disco the other night.

Bought all sorts of cool gear too; platform boots,

brightly coloured flares, an afro wig…

But in retro specs I looked a twat.

mens-1970s-fashion

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Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma.

There’s no menu, they just give you what you deserve.

Karma - restaurant

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I’m an avid campaigner for the preservation of endangered animals.

You should taste my panda jam.

wwf-panda-logo

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My friend’s always boasting how he once had to

shuffle 52 packs of cards and

then distribute them equally between 4 people.

Big deal.

dealing_cards_wapday-com

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You know who I can’t stand?

Intolerant people.

Bastards!

intolerance

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I had some time to kill yesterday.

So I went round to the mother-in-law’s.

cartoon-mother-in-law-card-by-leahg1

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One by one, all of my best friends have started

to become interested in men as well as women.

So I’m just sitting here, watching the world go bi.

darkow bi-ball

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My wife has just texted me asking me to ‘do her’ tonight.

I’m not looking forward to it, I’m useless at impressions.

first-impressions-cartoon-2

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I was taking the freeway out of LA the other day

when the cops pulled me over and said:

‘Put it back’.

freeway

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Guy #1:  “I call my girlfriend ‘Miss Universe’.”

Guy #2:  “Is it because she’s so beautiful?”

Guy #1:  “No it’s ’cause she’s constantly expanding, the fat cow!” 

scared-cat-cartoon-kitty-frightened-of-fat-lady-from-behind

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I used to keep poking myself in my eyes,

but don’t worry,

I can’t see myself doing it again.

poking

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Archaeologists have just discovered

an ancient Egyptian ruler embalmed in chocolate.

Apparently it was Pharaoh Rocher.

choc body

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My tailor has stitched the bottom

of my trousers the wrong way around.

Meh.

fashion681

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I pulled a cracker last Christmas.

There’s a joke in there somewhere.

christmas-crackers-and-decoration

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Can anybody tell me where Jeopardy is?

Apparently there’s 1000s of jobs there.

Jeopardy Logo

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My teacher handed me a blank piece of white paper.

“Make a paper plane,” she said.

“It already is,” I said.

blank paper

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My opinion on fishmongers?

Selfish.

fishmonger

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My friend just showed me a picture of his new girlfriend,

who he says is from Eastern Europe.

I looked at the picture and said

‘she looks nothing like a frog.’

‘What are you on about?’ He said.

‘I told you she’s a Tad-Polish.’

frog-tadpoles

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I think my mum is going senile.

I just told her that my girlfriend is pregnant with my daughter.

She asked me, “Do you have a name?”

I said, “I’ve always had a name, for goodness sake, it’s me, David.”

mother_here_phone

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