Archive for May, 2012

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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http://jitterygt.wordpress.com  made a comment on one of my posts, “Confirmed Stupidity” that “The creativity of stupidity is also endless”. And so it seems to be.

Stupid people are always finding new ways to do stupid things. I don’t think I would go so far as to call it creative, though. Most of it happens by pure accident rather than design.

Now I have to point out at the start, that this blog post is not about things that are done to assist those in society who have some kind of disability. Everything that is done in that regard to make life a bit easier and things more accessible is to be encouraged and applauded. This blog applies specifically to those who could get out of their own way but because they are too lazy and/or obtuse, won’t!

So the question today is, and it’s a good question that hardly anyone bothers to ask or tries to answer, “Should we have to waste time, energy and resources pandering to the idiots in society?”

In other words should EVERYTHING have to sink down to their level? Should the rest of us normal-ish people be deprived of a better and simpler existence just because some people seem to be incapable of living their lives without doing themselves harm?

I vote NO, we shouldn’t pander to them. Not in the slightest.

In the dumbed down society that we are increasingly being forced to live in, and that the even dumber politicians encourage (probably so that the majority of people don’t develop the skills to see the hash they are making of everything), far from questioning the consequent waste of time, energy, and resources, they continue to make more and more rules to cater for the intellectually challenged.

Think about the consequences for a moment.

How many labels do we have on jars and cans and elsewhere that really don’t need to be there? Do we really need a label on a packet of nuts telling us that the packet contains nuts? Do we really need a label telling us that hot coffee is ‘hot’ or that iced mocha is ‘cold’?

How many otherwise productive man-hours are wasted each and every year trying to figure out what dumb thing some moron will do with a particular product?

 

Example of a sign for morons

Example of a sign for morons

I know the whole waste of time phenomenon has been spurred on in many cases because of spurious and unnecessary law suits by lawyers who aren’t smart enough to set up a proper law practice and by judges who are so out of touch with reality that they should be thrown out of court for not doing the same with these foolish lawsuits.

Example of a sign for morons

Example of a sign for morons

 

Then we have the bureaucrats weighing in. With nothing productive to do themselves, except to make our lives more and more intolerable, they dream up new rules and regulations to make business more uncompetitive and ordinary peoples’ lives more complicated.

 

Example of a sign for people stupider then morons

Example of a sign for people stupider then morons

And it’s all a waste of time. No matter what rules are invented and what precautions are taken it is a law of the universe that morons will find a way round them and hurt themselves anyway. Some of them have even walked into the signs put up to warn them about walking into signs.

So we should NOT waste time trying to make things foolproof because the fools have proved time and again that it’s a waste of time!

Let’s aspire to learn more and be smarter, instead of dumbing down to the level of those who don’t give a damn anyhow!

End rant. Have a cup of coffee – mind, though, it’s hot!

 

Here are a few more examples:

 

Suitable for outdoor use.  Found on a rain gauge.

 

Warning: High in sodium.  On a salt cellar.

 

Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.

 

Use like regular soap.  On a bar of soap.

 

Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants.  On a bag of cat biscuits.

 

Instructions: open packet, eat nuts  on a packet of nuts

 

Do not use as an ice cream topping  on Hair colouring

 

Warning: do not attempt to swallow  on a Mattress

 

Caution: contents may catch fire  on Matches

 

Some assembly required  on a 500-piece puzzle

 

The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the ‘on’ position  on a Kettle

 

Product will be hot after heating  on Bread Pudding

 

Warning: May cause drowsiness  on Sleep Aid

 

This ice may be cold  on an Ice drink

 

Instructions: Put on food  on Ketchup

 

Do not open here  on the Bottom of a Cola bottle

 

 

“Fight Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I used to be friends with a guy from Northern Ireland. We are going back thirty years here so quite a while ago. We’ve lost touch since as you tend to do with some if not most acquaintances.

This story is about his Dad.

As you may or may not know the weather in Ireland is awful. Cold, wet, windy, rains every day with a ‘y’ in it, or so the locals say. One traveler from Africa once remarked that it was like living under an elephant!

The result has been a continual decline in vacation resorts, towns and villages there. People still come for the golf, there is renewed interest in that with the recent success of Rory McIlroy and Darren Clark. But on the whole the locals prefer to get away for one or two weeks to a location with at least the chance of a bit of heat and sunshine.

But in the late 1970s and early 1980s, the period in which this story is set, foreign travel was a fairly new phenomenon for most ordinary people.

But my friend’s father and mother thought it would be a nice and different break for them and they booked two weeks in the south of Spain.

They arrived without incident, booked in to their hotel and that first night just had a meal in the hotel restaurant and went to bed. Traveling is always tiring.

The next day they partook of the buffet breakfast that most of the touristy hotels in Spain provide and after that went back to their room, got their towels and creams and so forth, and headed for the beach, which was only about 100 yards or so from the hotel.

My friend’s mother lay down on a towel to take some rays, as they say, and his father who wasn’t really the type of guy who liked to lay about all day, got a beach chair from which he had a better vantage point to survey the beach and sea activities.

We’ll never know whether it was the heat, or just the sight of bare heaving glistening continental bosoms, (they are not a bit bashful in some parts of Europe), but after about half an hour on the beach it all became too much for my friend’s Dad. All of sudden, without any warning whatsoever, he jumped out of his beach chair, started to yell like Tarzan, beating his chest at the same time, and ran towards the Mediterranean Sea.

There was a slight slope in the beach and by the time he had reached the water he had built up a considerable head of steam. His momentum took him quite a bit into the water, not quite waist deep but getting there.

Now, I should say that the Med is no Pacific Ocean, but there are nevertheless waves and as everyone knows the seventh is usually bigger than those preceding it.

And just when my friend’s father reached about as deep as he could on his feet he decided to dive through the next wave, which was a relatively big one. According to his wife, who was looking as this spectacle with more than a little bemusement, he was still doing his version of a Tarzan yell and beating his chest. And so into the sea he dived still yelling and open mouthed.

I forgot to tell you he wore dentures, which is rather crucial to the rest of the story.

Yes, when the wave passed and he resurfaced not a tooth of any kind had he in his mouth.

Of course he frantically searched for both sets of gnashers.

I love watching when people who don’t know how to dive underwater try it. Their ass goes way up in the air, their head maybe six inches or a foot under, and then after maybe two or three seconds they re-emerge gasping and spluttering as if they’ve just been down to the bottom of sea. I imagine that’s what he did.

But you know what the sea is like. Both sets of false teeth were long gone, never to be found again.

I have heard tell of people packing extra underwear, or shoes (hey ladies), or even glasses as emergency back-ups. But I have never heard of anyone packing an extra set of teeth.

My friend’s father wasn’t to be the first one to do it and so he had to spend the next twelve and a half days of his vacation completely toothless, only able to eat soft mushy stuff and soup, but having to avoid the juicy steaks completely.

And he looked like a prat, maybe not quite as bad as the photo below but you get the idea.

toothless

toothless

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Just a short blog post today, but a real little gem.

This is actually a follow-on from Sunday’s post, “I like Watching Game Shows” which featured some US (or US versions) of popular shows such as Wheel of Furtune, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and Family Feud. I hope you enjoyed those.

But the funniest game show incident I have seen comes from a British show called “Catch Phrase” hosted by a comedian called Roy Walker.

Catch Phrase with Roy Walker

Catch Phrase with Roy Walker

 

If you’ve never seen the show, the idea is to guess the answer (usually a well known phrase or saying) from the picture/animation on the screen which is slowly revealed in nine different random parts.

I don’t know what is funnier here, the actual animation, or the presenter and male contestant laughing, or the fact that the poor dumb girl contestant hasn’t the slightest clue what all the laughing is about.

Anyhow here it is.

Enjoy – you’ve got to!

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Well, as I am sure you (particularly the folks in the good old US of A) are well aware, today is the last Monday in May, otherwise known as Memorial Day and the official start of summer. I hope you have been and are enjoying a long leisurely holiday weekend.

There are lots of blogs doing pieces on Memorial Day, so I’ll try to make this one slightly different.

Memorial Day was originally known as Decoration Day and was established after the American Civil War to commemorate the fallen Union soldiers.

Slight rant for a moment. I get irritated when I hear idiots talking about the US Civil War. The Civil War in America was fought between Union forces (made up of Americans) and Confederate forces (made up of Americans). This isn’t going to turn into a history lesson as to the why’s and the wherefore’s, but the point is that at the time of the civil war the States of America were anything but “united”. Use the term “American” please. End rant.

The chances are that you may already have seen Ken Burn’s fantastic documentary series called Civil War. When it first aired on PBS something like 40 million Americans tuned in and it has been distributed and shown on the BBC in the UK and in many other parts of the world since. If you haven’t watched it yet, I highly recommend that you do so. It is a gem of historical information, photography, narration, music – the whole thing is just wonderful.

Ken Burns Fabulous Civil War Series

Ken Burns Fabulous Civil War Series

 

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I have always been fascinated by the Civil War. I have visited numerous battle sites and know some people who have little museums and take part in re-enactments and so forth. Because it was fought in the mid 1800s and featured such well known historical figures as Abraham Lincoln and Robert E Lee the impression I had (for no logical reason, as sometimes happens) was that it was an event that happened a very long time ago. Then I discovered that the last Union veteran of the Civil War, Albert Woolson only died in 1956, not quite within my lifetime, but close enough to make me realize that this was not so long ago at all.

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So could it happen again?

In America I very much doubt it.

Civil Wars are part of the teething pains that most countries go through. They have happened in England, France, Spain, Portugal, China, Russia, Cuba, Korea, Vietnam, Mexico, Nicaragua, Honduras, El Salvador, and on and on; and they seem to be a constant phenomenon in one part of Africa or another.

There will probably be periods of increasing civil unrest in the US as the government ham fistedly tries to get itself out of the mess that it has caused by trying to steal more money from the ordinary people, but that’s a different thing. So I wouldn’t worry about it too much yet.

As for Memorial Day nowadays, it encompasses all Wars that American forces have been involved in, and it is a convenient marker to remind us of those who have willingly put their lives in harm’s way to protect us. The political decisions that lead to wars are not the fault of those sent to fight.

This weekend I have been remembering some of my friends who are no longer here. They are in a better place for sure, but they got there far, far too soon.

Soldier Reporting For Final Duty

Soldier Reporting For Final Duty

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Don’t start me on soaps which I don’t watch. Except a few years ago for SOAP which was a soap about how bad soaps could be and was quite good indeed. Confused, as they said? Quite possibly but you’re inside my mind now and this is how it operates.

The television soap SOAP

The television soap SOAP

But Game Shows like Family Feud, Family Fortunes, Wheel of Fortune, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, etc., I do like. Sometimes I try to answer the questions just to limber up a brain cell or two, but really I watch them in the hope that a complete twit will take the stage – usually the first one out of town, as it happens, after they’ve been asked a few questions!

Here are a few examples of what I mean.

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Worst wheel of fortune fail ever?

Probably not but what an idiot!

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Dumbest Who Wants To Be A Millionaire contestant ever?

Probably not but very close.

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There are surprises too, when the people questioned in the sample give just as dumb an answer as the contestant.

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And my favorite, something that gets passed around

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I think the moral of this blog post is, if you have to grab a granny at all then be very careful how you do it; and if you do do it hang on as tightly as you can no matter how much she struggles.

It rather strange advice I know, but there is a reason for giving it.

First of all, here’s granny Lucerne.

skydive01

skydive01

As you can see she is in good spirits. I don’t know whether she had a bucket list, but one of the things that this 80 year old granny wanted to do and had been planning for a decade was to skydive.

As for myself, it has never been an ambition of mine to jump out of an airplane that wasn’t in trouble. Although I would much rather that they would stick a parachute under my seat on an airplane instead of a bit of glorified polystyrene, I mean on a flight from L.A. to New York for example how much ocean is there to be worried about?

But back to 80 year old granny Lucerne. For a while everything went well. She was very happy and excited by the prospect of her first skydive parachute jump.

skydive02

skydive02

The trouble started when she got to the door of the small plane and peered outside at planet earth below.

skydive03

skydive03

As her skydiving buddy, to whom she was attached, also tried to push through the open door ready for the jump, granny’s reluctance turned to panic.

skydive04

skydive04

She was heard shouting “No”, but by that time it was too late, the whole process had gained its own momentum.

skydive05

skydive05

And out they tumbled.

skydive06

skydive06

And tumbled, and tumbled, plummeting earthwards at an accelerating rate

skydive07

skydive07

By now granny must have been in a blind panic because instead of relaxing and going with her skydiving buddy, she flailed about and started to slip out of the harness that was holding them together. Remember just the buddy had the chute.

skydive08

skydive08

The next few shots show just how far out the harness her struggling had caused her to slip. By the way, the hand in the bottom left of the photo belongs to the photographer who had realized what was happening and guided himself over to them to try to help.

skydive09

skydive09

Another photo also showing just how far out of the harness granny had managed to wriggle.

skydive10

skydive10

Eventually her skydiving buddy gets the chute opened. (He has got a complete right leg in case you’re wondering, it’s just the angle of the photo!)

skydive11

skydive11

And with granny held in what had to be a vice like grip they both made it to the ground, a little worse for wear but thankfully, alive.

skydive12

skydive12

And here’s the video.

Enjoy!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

Taking a little break from the normal blog post.

I guess that a lot of you are asking who the heck is Sam J Porcello and why should we be raising a glass of milk in his honor?

Well Sam is perhaps a lot better known as ‘Mr.Oreo’ the scientist who in a career at Nabisco that spanned 34 years, invented that creamy sticky stuff in the middle of Oreos.  He died recently at the age of 76.

You can't just take one

You can’t just take one

Sam J Porcello was one of the world’s foremost experts on cocoa, the raw material of chocolate, and the go-to guy for all Oreo related matters at Nabisco. He also created the chocolate-covered and the white chocolate-covered Oreo, and held five patents relating to Oreos.

Almost half a trillion Oreos have been sold worldwide since they hit the market in 1912, one hundred years ago this year, so I think you could say that they have been pretty successful.

oreo cartoon

oreo cartoon

And that just leaves the big question.

So how do you eat yours?

Are you a dry biter and cruncher?

Or a dunker?

Or a twist and licker?

However you do it, the next time you do it, save a thought for people like Sam J Porcello.

Oreos classic

Oreos classic

 

 

FACTOID ALERT!

Oreos are sold in Argentina (with banana filling and with caramel filling in the same package; in Canada (where they are manufactured and sold under the Christie brand); in China (where they were introduced only in 1996 but have now become the best-selling cookie in the People’s Republic of China, after altering its recipe to have a lower sugar content to suit local tastes); in Croatia (since February 2011); in India (introduced in March 2011 under Cadbury brand); in Norway (since 2004); in Poland (from February 2011); and in the United Kingdom from May 2008). They are also to be found in shops and supermarkets in many other countries.

If your interested Nabisco has an Oreo web site

http://www.nabiscoworld.com/oreo/

 

Speaking personally I’m a Wagon Wheels man. Good luck finding those but they’re truly scrumptious!

Scrumptious Wagon Wheels!

Scrumptious Wagon Wheels!