“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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But of course something I do rate are puns.

Here’s some more.

Enjoy or endure!!!

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rofl

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Polce Toay Announce They Are

Nvestgatng A Strng Of ID Thefts.

ID Thefts

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I hate washing up liquid.

Washing up solids is much simpler.

washing up liquid

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My girlfriend is leaving me because I’ve got alopecia.

oh well it’s hair loss.

alopecia

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Cryptographers make terrible drummers.

They just sit there, fascinated by all the cymbals.

drummer

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My new job as a taxidermist is pretty boring.

All I do is sit around and stuff.

taxidermist

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My son is cold and calculating

I’ve turned the heating off whilst

he does his maths homework.

homework

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Got an insurance quote today for my car.

They offered me a fire-and-theft policy.

I thought, “Who’d nick a car that was on fire?”

"Why's your fire-and-theft policy so cheap?"

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“When might we take the kids to Disneyland?”

the wife asked me a few weeks ago.

I thought about it, and replied, “May.”

It’s been a blast watching her pack,

and the kids getting excited.

All I did was correct her grammar.

Disneyland

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A man walked over to a kid playing with a

huge lizard and asked if he could see it.

After fiddling around with it for a few moments,

he asked what its name was.

The kid replied with, “Tiny.”

“How on Earth did you ever get a name like that

for such a huge creature?” the man asked in awe.

The kid replied with, “Because he’s my newt!”

newt

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My wife is a mute.

She communicates by embroidery.

It’s her own version of sign language,

sew to speak.

embroidery

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I can’t believe they fired me from the clock factory

after all the extra hours I put in.

clock factory

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I heard vandals have broken into

an origami exhibition

and ruined all the exhibits.

Police are trying to work out

how it all unfolded.

origami

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My gym instructor pointed at fifteen heavy dumbbells

and told me I had to lift them all

over the next quarter of an hour.

Weight a minute…

fifteen heavy dumbbells

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What do you call seafood in a cement mixer?

Hardcore prawn.

cement mixer

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News just in:

Stevie Nicks has announced her

engagement to William Shatner.

When they get married she will

be known as Stevie Shatner Nicks.

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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hypocrite definition

Last week I wrote a post about the resurgence of the Cold War. I called it “Anyone Feel A Chill?” (click here if you would like to read it.)

But, politicians being politicians, they cannot even have a mock war like a Cold War without the stench of hypocrisy attached to it.

For example, the United States blames Russia for interfering in the internal affairs of Ukraine, as indeed it is currently doing. But at the same time it attaches no blame to itself for also interfering in the Ukraine’s internal affairs, which it also did – in the process helping to create the mess we now see on our TV screens.

ukraine protests

Now, not content with that, America has been coercing Europe to go along with it in imposing economic sanctions on Russia. And by and large Europe has meekly and unthinkingly followed the US lead.

It started with foodstuffs and freezing bank accounts and assets, which Putin has managed to shrug off without too much trouble.

Now they’ve upped the ante and imposed sanctions on Russia’s supply of energy which is it’s big wealth earner and which given time will no doubt hurt a bit. I say “a bit” because any long term shortfall in energy revenue from Europe will be more than made up for by energy hungry customers like China, India and the rest of Asia. China, for example, recently closed a $400 billion natural gas deal with the Russians.

As a matter of fact, with winter approaching, the sanction game may well end up hurting Europe a lot more that it does Russia.

hypocrisy meter

You see, the thing is, the energy sanctions imposed by the US and Europe are on the sale of oil and gas. These are the things that Europe desperately needs, but are things on which America does not rely on Russia for at all.

Wait a minute, there’s that smell again.

Worse than that, the US did not invoke sanctions on the sale of Russian nuclear fuel, which America does rely on Russia for, since it just happens to power 10% of all American homes.

Now do you smell it?

At the moment it looks like this Cold War is going to get very cold in Europe and very expensive as the cost of heating increases with the shortfall in supplies.

America will be fine though.

So will Russia.

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to another week and to another quiz.

The usual random selection of subjects and difficulties.

And if you get stuck you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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quiz 10

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Q.  1:  What does ‘VSOP’ stand for on a bottle of Brandy?

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Q.  2:  What country has not fought in a war since 1815?

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Q.  3:  What ethnic group was largely responsible for building most of the early railways in the U.S. West?

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Q.  4:  What animal is the symbol of the World Wildlife Fund?

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Q.  5:  Which is the only country in the world which has the Bible on its national flag?

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Q.  6:  What is the total if you add the number of months with thirty-one days to the number of months that have twenty-eight days?

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Q.  7:  What does the term ‘Prima Donna’ mean in Opera?

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Q.  8:  What is a ‘Portuguese Man o’ War’?

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Q.  9:  What color is orange blossom?

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Q. 10:  People who are ‘color blind’ cab detect some colors but have difficulty distinguishing between two in particular, what are they?

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Q. 11:  What is the three dimensional image created by laser beams called?

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Q. 12:  Who was the first U.S. President to adopt the informal version of his first name?

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Q. 13:  Organic chemistry is the study of materials that must contain which element?

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Q. 14:  What famous and influential Theologian claimed he could drive away the devil with a fart?

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Q. 15:  What is the liquid inside a coconut called?

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Q. 16:  In which month is the ‘October Revolution’ celebrated in Russia?

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Q. 17:  What are the next three prime numbers after 37?

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Q. 18:  This one is the name of a flower and the colored part of the eye, what is it?

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Q. 19:  What bird features in the poem, ‘The Rime of the Ancient Mariner’ by the English poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge?

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Q. 20:  Named after the characters in the Tin Tin cartoon series, how many people were in the band The Thompson Twins?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  What does ‘VSOP’ stand for on a bottle of Brandy?

A.  1:  Very Superior Old Pale.

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Q.  2:  What country has not fought in a war since 1815?

A.  2:  Switzerland.

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Q.  3:  What ethnic group was largely responsible for building most of the early railways in the U.S. West?

A.  3:  The Chinese.

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Q.  4:  What animal is the symbol of the World Wildlife Fund?

A.  4:  Giant Panda.

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Q.  5:  Which is the only country in the world which has the Bible on its national flag?

A.  5:  Dominican Republic.

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Q.  6:  What is the total if you add the number of months with thirty-one days to the number of months that have twenty-eight days?

A.  6:  The answer is 19.  Seven months have 31 days (January, March, May, July, August, October and December) and of course all twelve months have 28 days!

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Q.  7:  What does the term ‘Prima Donna’ mean in Opera?

A.  7:  Leading Female Opera Singer.

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Q.  8:  What is a ‘Portuguese Man o’ War’?

A.  8:  It is a sea-dwelling jellyfish-like invertebrate. Strangely though, the Portuguese never had a warship called a Man o’ War, and the Portuguese name for the jellyfish-like creature is Caravela Portuguesa, referring to an earlier Portuguese sailing ship design used for exploration in the 15-16th Centuries.

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Q.  9:  What color is orange blossom?

A.  9:  White.

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Q. 10:  People who are ‘color blind’ cab detect some colors but have difficulty distinguishing between two in particular, what are they?

A. 10:  They are the primary colors Red & Green.

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Q. 11:  What is the three dimensional image created by laser beams called?

A. 11:  A Hologram.

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Q. 12:  Who was the first U.S. President to adopt the informal version of his first name?

A. 12:  Jimmy Carter.

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Q. 13:  Organic chemistry is the study of materials that must contain which element?

A. 13:  Carbon.

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Q. 14:  What famous and influential Theologian claimed he could drive away the devil with a fart?

A. 14:  Martin Luther.

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Q. 15:  What is the liquid inside a coconut called?

A. 15:  It is called Coconut water.  (Coconut milk, popularly thought to be the liquid inside a coconut, is made from the flesh of the coconut.)

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Q. 16:  In which month is the ‘October Revolution’ celebrated in Russia?

A. 16:  November. (Come on, it was never going to be that obvious!)

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Q. 17:  What are the next three prime numbers after 37?

A. 17:  They are all in the forties  41,  43  and  47.

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Q. 18:  This one is the name of a flower and the colored part of the eye, what is it?

A. 18:  Iris.

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Q. 19:  What bird features in the poem, ‘The Rime of the Ancient Mariner’ by the English poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge?

A. 19:  An Albatross.

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Q. 20:  Named after the characters in the Tin Tin cartoon series, how many people were in the band The Thompson Twins?

A. 20:  Three. Here they are….

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Doing The Right Thing.

Posted: September 14, 2014 in Crime, Current Events, Politics, Rants, War
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The Sunday Sermon

Barrack Obama during his first Presidential election campaign

Barrack Obama during his first Presidential election campaign

Seven years ago a young fellow called Barrack Obama was running for President. One of the cornerstones of his campaign was a U.S. withdrawal from Iraq, which he called “a dumb war”.

In that much he was right. It was a dumb war, instigated by the dumb American and British politicians who preceded him and who had the deceit and arrogance to lie to their electorates in order to manufacture an excuse to invade that country.

It was always destined to be a disaster. Once Saddam had been eliminated there was no strong leader to hold Iraq together. He may have been a monster, no one is arguing he wasn’t, but without him, or someone like him, things have far from improved. That is just the harsh reality, like it or not.

Seven years ago Obama had no moral objection to the fact that a withdrawal of the occupying forces in Iraq might leave the way open to civil war and genocide. In fact to quote him from that period he said, “[If] that’s the criteria by which we are making decisions on the deployment of U.S. forces, then by that argument you would have 300,000 troops in the Congo right now — where millions have been slaughtered as a consequence of ethnic strife — which we haven’t done.”

He could have said the same about many other countries in the world where civil strife raged.

So today the speeches laden with moral indignation, telling the world that he has ordered military action in Iraq “to prevent a potential act of genocide,” ring mightily hollow.

It would be much better if Obama came clean.

I know it’s a bit of a reach for a politician to start telling the truth, but it would help.

Obama needs to tell the world that he will clean up the mess he and his predecessors made. He needs to admit that the “sovereign, stable and self-reliant Iraq” that he said he had left behind, when U.S. troops pulled out, was a dream that has deteriorated into a nightmare. And he needs to remove the advisors who prompted him to compare ISIS to a junior varsity basketball team when he was interviewed on the subject in January this year. That was just another thing they got completely and tragically wrong.

Yes, I’m asking for a bit of honesty and humility, that’s all.

What I’m hearing instead, however, is more claptrap and confusion.

Vice President Joe Biden is telling everyone that the U.S. “will follow ISIS to the gates of hell”, while other senior Obama Administration officials are assuring us that America is, “not launching a sustained US campaign against ISIS…”

journalist-james-foley-isis-beheading

Journalist James Foley minutes before he was beheaded by ISIS terrorists

Conflicting statements like those, in the face of the continuing barbaric beheadings of men, women and even children, and other heinous crimes committed by these despicable and godless terrorists, will hardly strike fear into them. Perhaps the strategy is to have them so helpless with laughter that they cannot continue fighting?

Winston Churchill once said, “You can always count on Americans to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else.”

After all this time and after all these failed initiatives we must be getting closer to doing the right thing  –  surely???

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And since it’s pun day again you need to take a good look at this latest batch.

Enjoy or endure!!!

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rofl

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What do you call

a German on speaker phone?

Hans Free

cartoon hands free

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‘Sugar’

is the only word in the English language

in which the S, is pronounced ‘sh’.

I’m sure of that.

sh

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My brother has had to

close down his archery business.

In the first 12 months 

he didn’t hit any of his targets .

archery-target

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Ten years in the same job and

not once have I been in the boss’s office.

That’s what got me fired as a cleaner.

cleaner

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Just been mugged and beaten up.

I tried to defend myself with a drawing pin.

Turns out a tac isn’t the best form of defense after all.

tac

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Before we split up, my wife

was obsessed with horoscopes.

I’m sure that’s what Taurus apart.

taurus

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I was on the freeway when a guy driving in the other direction

started flashing his lights, beeping his horn and screaming,

“You’re going the wrong way!”

What an idiot.

He didn’t even know where I was going.

A-Motorist-Driving-the-Wrong-Way

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What has a pee at

the end of a tram?

A tramp.

cartoon tramp

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Breaking News:

Man arrested over missing woman

Imagine if he’d hit her???

breaking news

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Adoption jokes -

There’s never a good time to tell them.

adopted

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I don’t approve of my girlfriend’s one night stand.

Why should she be the only one with

somewhere to put a bedside lamp.

night stand lamp

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I threw three DVDs at exactly the same time

to see which one would hit the wall first.

It was a discrace.

DVDs

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My wife called me into the bathroom

and asked me to wash her back.

I don’t remember her

washing me in the first place.

washing back

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Erectile dysfunction;

just when you thought

it couldn’t get any harder.

checking_for_signs_of_life

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My wife, Lorraine, has just found out that 

I have been cheating on her with Clara next door.

Last night, she packed her things and left.

I can see Clara now, Lorraine has gone.

Take it away Johnny….

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